A modification of down and up dog, this exercise provides a nice stretch for the entire body, focus for the mind, enhances strength and an opening of the heart. Be mindful to coordinate your breaths with the movement. This is another exercise we use with the wounded warriors at Fort Bragg.
I’d rather be a detachment diva than a drama queen. But how do you break the cycle of stressful thinking that leads to unhealthy bouts of drama in your life? Practicing non-attachment is a method that the ancient yogis and Buddha suggested to decrease suffering and remain centered in truth. Wikipedia provides this simple definition:
Detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective.
Detachment doesn’t mean that you close your heart to a situation, instead you open your heart to yourself and all involved. Detachment doesn’t mean that you tune out, it means that you refuse to attach yourself to emotional drama that distorts your thinking and throws you off balance. Detachment doesn’t mean that you stop caring, it means that you care without expectation or the need to control. This is a higher state of being that could result in less suffering and more feelings of peaceful well-being. I’ll give you an example.
Last weekend, I was feeling particularly sensitive. Maybe it was the result of too much work and not enough rest. Maybe it was because I was feeling challenged by the military life I’m currently experiencing. Maybe my body was experiencing hormonal shifts. Whatever the reason, I was walking a path with my partner and I began to feel a prickliness in my body as he spoke. Then I became aware of my thoughts. I realized that I was taking everything he was saying personally, even though in truth he wasn’t taking any jabs at me. And yet every time he said something, my brain was translating it to mean something else aimed directly at me. I started my own dialogue in my head:
“You’re making it all about you. Give him space to talk and share what’s on his mind. Detach from analyzing or translating it. You’re not in his head. Just give him space to share how he feels without making it about you. It’s not about you.”
How often do we truly listen to what someone has to say without somehow making it about us? It’s a skill to “hold space” for someone to talk and share freely. When someone shares, it’s coming from their experience. The only way we could experience hurt or guilt is if we take on their experience as our own. It’s an act of love to allow someone to have the floor and share from the heart and for you to witness their feelings while avoiding attaching your own emotions to them. Is this a challenge? Absolutely. Is it possible? Absolutely.
But like any skill, it takes practice. It begins with noticing your physical and emotional reactions to things around you. If you feel a change in your body and find your mind offering a translation that is creating stress for you, stop. Wake yourself up for a moment and become the observer of yourself. You can change your thoughts, which will change your experience and the reality of the situation. Try to connect with how you’re really feeling in the defensive moment. Are you feeling tired? Overwhelmed? Stressed? Give yourself some compassion and find ways to meet your needs or share your needs with others so you can shift out of that state of being. Is there a history of stress with this person? If so remind your brain that you’re in the present moment, let go of the past. Taking a step back, holding space for others and depersonalizing things are healthy ways to detach from drama and maintain steady, grounded and even keel with your presence in the world. This soulful practice can enhance the quality of your relationships by allowing you to experience love in it’s highest form.
With organizations, communities, and people facing unprecedented change and uncertainty worldwide, we invite you to learn from Peggy Holman Author of ‘Engaging Emergence’ – Turn Upheaval into Opportunity, and winner of the 2011 Nautilus Award for Conscious Business and Leadership.
With and without human mistaken beliefs, emergence arises from chaos as existing order is disrupted, differences appear, and a new coherence coalesces.
Peggy’s award winning book: “Provides practical advice for orchestrating conflict and moving through discomfort to reach a new coherence.” —Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky, cofounders of Cambridge Leadership Associates and coauthors of Leadership on the Line and The Practice of Adaptive Leadership.
Life arranges for Align Shine Prosper INNER net radio guests to show up on time and purpose. Please invite others to join us. Listen live FEB 01.12 or to a recording of our world changing interview. http://tobtr.com/s/2750219
One of the gifts of growing, developing and maturing is that what we feel upset about in someone else’s behavior or choice we have done (or can identify with at least in part) ourselves. At a certain point in life we recognize that we have been the patient one and the impatient one, the success and the failure, the honest one and the prevaricator, the rescued and the rescuer, the betrayed and the betrayer. Because we have danced with duality, we have a greater opportunity to move beyond or transcend these temporary identities.
In my life coaching practice, to help people move through duality I will often have them write a “blame letter”. Because life coaching deals with existential issues rather than serious trauma or abuse, the content is of a somewhat benign nature. For example, maybe my client feels angry at a friend for not following through, maybe she had a break-up that ended with frustration and anger or maybe she feels hurt by a betrayal that has come to light. After the emotional and heartfelt letter is written, we will go back and cross out the person’s name and add “I”. The idea is to identify with that which feels unacceptable in order to release it.
Some people may wonder, “Why in the world would I want to own something unpleasant that I didn’t do?” I would offer that in order to overcome duality we need to dance with it. Through embracing paradox we can often transcend it.
Many of us will relate to being on our high horse in opposition to something and then later acting it out. We may even have forgotten that we have done nearly the same thing in the past! Very humbling! As we begin to self actualize, we may choose to “walk the middle way” in life and thoughtfully observe our manifestations and projections rather than react to them or act them out.
It is true that when people have very rigid and judgmental views they tend to act out the very thing they rail against. This is what Dr. Carl Jung would refer to as shadow manifestation. It is almost as if the hypocrite’s psyche is trying to heal itself of the fixation through its acting out. In fact, Jung said, “All neurosis is an attempt to heal the self.”
It is always interesting to see what the popular culture is fixated on and how those topics seem to be our collective culture’s shadow. Whether it is New York governor Elliot Spitzer or pop culture icon Britney Spears, we can see clearly the dance of duality. Rather than be in judgment, we can take a moment to see these instances as magnified or exaggerated examples of dances with our own duality. If we are consciously working through our own duality we might be brave enough to say, “I am that”.
(c) 2008 Jeanine Marie Austin, Ph.D., C.Ht.
Doctor of Life Coaching, Certified Hypnotherapist
Simply Divine Solutions
Life Coaching and Hypnosis Worldwide
I love the concept of mantras: our words are powerful and that by repeating positive or holy words the resonance can affect our own frequency and raise it to a higher state of being. Yoga mantras are in Sankrit, a challenging language that has pronunciations like this: Om Guhm Guh-nuh-puh-tuh-yeaNah-mah-hah. I’m an American girl. I have an appreciation and respect for various languages. But this….well, this language is as foreign to me in tongue as it is to my spirit. I simply don’t feel a twitch in my spirit when I repeat the words.
I believe for our words to be powerful, we must also resonate with them in our mind. They have to be the key that fits the lock to our hearts and souls. So if you’re not feeling “OM” is opening your heart, then try something else. There is no right or wrong way. There’s only your own truth that matters.
There are some Christian prayers that serve well as my mantras because I can feel them opening my heart. The prayer of St. Francis, the Lord’s Prayer and the serenity prayer boost my spiritual energy. I also love Buddha’s Metta (lovingkindness) meditation: May I be safe and protected. May I be peaceful and happy. May I be healthy and strong. May I have ease of well-being (and accept all the conditions of the world). And the Reiki ideals: Just for today, do not worry. Do not get angry. Have gratitude, give thanks. Be honest in your work. Be kind to others.
Positive affirmations are mantras. I love discovering a positive affirmation that changes a belief that’s no longer serving me. Such as, “I allow love and grace to flow throughout my life and touch every facet of my being.” Repeating such a phrase uplifts your mind and spirit and can put your body at ease.
To create your own mantra think about words that open your heart. What words bring you a sense of peace? What words make you feel happy? What words inspire you? What words feel healing? Your mantra may be repeating the word, “peace” over and over as you inhale and exhale. Your mantra may be repeating a prayer that you learned as a child that still holds heartfelt meaning and inspiration to you. Your mantra may be a positive thought that you repeat as you breathe in and out, asking that this thought resonate in each cell in your body, and deep within your heart.
My mantra creates my reality. My prayer asks God for help with it. See how you can use a mantra to open your heart and experience peace right where you are, right now.
