- What does the word Love mean to you?
- Have you ever felt like love was missing from your life? (How do you handle these periods of time?)
- What is the biggest way you see that love (or the lack thereof) has impacted our world today?
- What is the last extraordinary book you read and what impact did it have on you?
- From your perspective, what is the most practical way to bring more love into the world?
- Is there a connection between love and inspiration? Who in your lifetime has inspired you the most?
- How do you incorporate love into your business or professional life?
What is love? Love is the pursuit of the whole.
Perhaps poetry is the medium and metaphor the key to best describing Love.
At the physical level, light;
At the mental level, consciousness
At the emotional level, love;
At the level of spirit, God;
Love and Violence (insert from “Our Culture on the Couch”)
What is love? Hard to say. Plato believed that “Love is the pursuit of the whole.” In my recent book, Our Culture on the Couch, I stated: “Although ‘love’ is an excruciatingly overused and abused word, there is a common factor involved whenever it is used. In every case, the active principle has something to do with togetherness, attraction, unity and unification, a joining together in some way – be it physical, emotional, philosophical, esthetic or otherwise.
This unification is obvious in the example of sexual loving, or in the case of the love between the mother and the infant, or the love of a worshipper for a Higher Power.
And in sports, (or war), we see the same phenomenon of unity that permits one team to win against all odds –athletes will often speak of the love they feel for their teammates. Whenever a certain quality of wholeness is maintained – whether it’s of a body, a relationship, or a racecar – it tends to give rise to enormous power, performance and survival potential.”
Love Is a Way of Being
You cannot “do” love. There is nothing that you can do that constitutes loving someone. There is no action that is of itself loving. Love is a way of being.
Indeed, it is simply being — being with another person, however they may be – with no judgments, prejudices, or agendas. Nothing to demonstrate, no one to impress. You love when there is total acceptance of another’s being – born of your acceptance of your own.
Love (capital “L”) refers to the attractive force in our universe. It is the inner power and knowing that guides the carbon atom to share electrons with its neighbors, rather than steal from them. It is the attractive energy that sustains the integrity of the membrane of the lowly paramecium and thus, preserves the life within.
Love binds together the cells and organs, and enables them to harmonize their functioning to produce health of the whole. Love makes birds of a feather flock together, and it inspires wildebeests to travel hundreds of miles in the spring. Love is the magic bond between lovers, between brothers and sisters, between dear friends – it is the key to empathy, compassion, and community.
The Love/Violence Continuum
Love is one of a contrasting pair of forces that lie at opposite ends of a spectrum, the Love (capital L) – Violence (capital V) continuum. If perfect Love is at one end of this continuum, then pure Violence is at the other end.
In truth, few of us will ever get to know perfect Love, (though sometimes the love of a mother for her infant comes pretty darned close), and fortunately, we will probably never know pure Violence.
But who of us have failed to experience people at different positions on that spectrum?
It is crucial to understand that the qualities of Love and Violence are not to be seen as “opposites” – that is, they do not “oppose” each other. They are simply extremes of a continuum that every one of us is on right now.
To the degree that we see the world through eyes that look for wholes, harmony, balance, peace and connection, we are using the both-and paradigm/worldview. This paradigm seeks to find the “we” in every situation.
On the other hand, those who see the world completely from a black-white, me-you, us-them paradigm overwhelmingly tend to see a winner and a loser, a right and a wrong in nearly every situation.
Love Is Not Having To Say I’m Sorry
In a sense, Love is not having to say “I’m sorry,” because in some very real sense there is only “Me,” and you are a part of me, I am a part of you, and we are both parts of something far greater than either you and I. Love may present itself in myriad forms, ranging from the passion of a young man for the girl of his dreams to the profound oneness of the mother and infant, from the deep bond between team members to that experienced among members of a spiritual community – many forms of the same fundamental force – Love.
And it is Love that heals. Healing is, after all, the movement towards greater wholeness, the creation of harmony in the functioning of that complex system of body, mind, emotions, and spirit.
Love is the dance of the white cranes, and the music of the nightingale. And Love is the feeling of empathy, compassion, unconditional positive regard – the knowing you are One.
Indeed I have. I wish I were able to say I am proud of how well I handled those times – but the fact is I behaved very poorly. I wept and raged and moped and acted out.
And though I cannot imagine ever feeling that way again, at this point in my life, I am clear how differently I would like to handle things. I would spend a great deal of time centering, focusing inward, in silent retreat, recalling all the beauty and love that are at my center. I would then nurture this love and let it fill every cell of my being from that inner font. Then I would gently begin to allow myself to drink in the beauty of the nature that is all around me . . . and realize that I have within all that I need. I would now be best prepared to be able to share love with others, or to exist for an indeterminate time alone and full.
I would connect with those people who most likely to love me, even though I might not be actively feeling it at the moment. Approaching them with an open heart I would be able to let in the love that is there.
Love, as discussed in Our Culture on the Couch, is one extreme of a continuum, at the other end of which is Violence. The gradual disappearance of love from the community spaces, the families, and relationships personal, social, and spiritual has left the field open to the forces of Violence, fragmentation, conflict, abuse, pollution, slavery, and war. We see it everywhere.
The Love/Violence Continuum
Love is one of a contrasting pair of forces that lie at opposite ends of a spectrum, the Love (capital L) – Violence (capital V) continuum. If perfect Love is at one end of this continuum, then pure Violence is at the other end.
In truth, few of us will ever get to know perfect Love, (though sometimes the love of a mother for her infant comes pretty darned close), and fortunately, we will probably never know pure Violence.
But who of us have failed to experience people at different positions on that spectrum?
It is crucial to understand that the qualities of Love and Violence are not to be seen as “opposites” – that is, they do not “oppose” each other. They are simply extremes of a continuum that every one of us is on right now.
To the degree that we see the world through eyes that look for wholes, harmony, balance, peace and connection, we are using the both-and paradigm/worldview. This paradigm seeks to find the “we” in every situation.
On the other hand, those who see the world completely from a black-white, me-you, us-them paradigm overwhelmingly tend to see a winner and a loser, a right and a wrong in nearly every situation.
The polarization in our society and at the global level is constantly increasing. That, along with the fact that the increasing complexity, high degree of interdependence, and the power of WMDs (including cyberattacks) leads to enormous insecurity at a time when we need, more than ever, to create a “global brain” that does not have ADHD and can unite us into a harmonious working unit. Without that, catastrophes like 9/11 and the global meltdown are unavoidable. If we do not learn from history, we will be forced to repeat it. And every time the price goes up.
Read Gandhi, The Man – by Easrawan. (check spelling). Reading Gandhi’s words made me cry – I no longer felt alone, but accompanied by a great spirit who had given visible form to my deepest values and beliefs. I am currently attracted the themes in Jeremy Rifkin’s The Empathic Civilization, which echoes my own thoughts, that the very sustainability of the central values and abilities of our civilization are dependent upon the development of a perspective on life that very much resembles what I have called Love.
How can I become an instrument of Love? Cultivate it within until you are overflowing – then let it flow into the lives of those who are open to receive it. Remember, as Ann Morrow Lindbergh told us:
… never think of love as something you can give like an armload of flowers. Some people give love like that – they dump it down on top of you, a useless strong-scented burden.
You can’t give love; love is actually that force within that enables you to give other things. “It is the motivating power. It enables you to give strength and power and freedom and peace to another person. It is not a result; it is a cause. It is not a product; it produces. It is a power, like money, or steam or electricity.” Love has value when you can give something else by means of it.”
The highest forms of inspiration come from people who are experiencing Love in some form. The inspiration of top music, writing, dance, art – you name it –involves the metaphoric breathing in of the spirit, the arising of the quality of wholeness and relatedness. In other words, Love.
Love is the essence of what I use in healing, and is what I teach in class, in therapy, in World Café meetings. I strive to make it the guiding light in my dealings with my colleagues and coworkers. Everything I teach is, in its purest form, simply another symbolic representation of love, a vehicle designed to awaken the power of love in others.
Who in your lifetime has inspired you the most?
Albert Einstein, Gandhi, Jesus of Nazareth, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Jackie Robinson, Aeron Miller.
It is what I teach in class, in therapy, in World Café meetings, and what I practice in my dealings with my colleagues and coworkers. I devote my blogs to exploring Love and my eNewsletter reports on it regularly. Everything I teach is, in its purest form, simply another symbolic representation of love, a vehicle designed to awaken the power of love in others. I continuously refocus on the deeper awareness that everything that is happening in my life and in the lives of others is happening around the (sometimes misguided) attempt to experience Love.
Your Vision: What intrigues you the most about where the world is headed today?
Historians are fond of naming periods of time according to the most important inventions and tools of that era. So, we have the Age of Reason, the Age of Enlightenment, the Industrial Age and so forth. When historian John Galbraith was asked how will our era be known in the future he said that it would be known as the time “when the Buddha came to the West.” If he is correct, then perhaps the ever-expanding interest in Buddhism and Buddhist thinking, highlighted by the current popularity of the Dalai Lama is a sign of this.
This movement is, I believe, a part of a much larger movement that is flooding our Western culture with notions of empathy, forgiveness, compassion, egalitarianism, and love. They are burgeoning forth, spawning books, workshops, movies, TV shows, and websites. Information on the healing power of these forms of Love has never been so available: how personal, relational, and communal lives can be transformed. Even laboratory evidence shows we are happier, more productive, and can more easily ward off infectious disease.
In spite of this, however, we are engaged in an epic struggle – personally and collectively. Our planet is poised on the edge of an abyss. False leaders everywhere unwittingly conspire with a machine-dominated information processing environment to lead us headlong over the cliff, into a vast abyss of disintegration. The time the science fiction writers warned us about is here – the robots have taken over control. What I have named “MachineThink” in Our Culture on the Couch has come to dominate the decision-making apparatus of our culture, replacing the kind of thinking that was human-centered, life-centered, and based upon wisdom, honesty, and loving care.
The result is the mad race to the bottom that has gotten out of everyone’s control – environmental pollution, global warming, economic globalization, war, terrorism – it is endless, the examples of the unchecked Violence wrought by MachineThink under the control of pure greed. And everywhere we see the widespread starvation, poverty, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness – not to mention the daily anxiety that continuous Future Shock brings each of us.
Our grand Narrative seems to have reached a critical chapter; our world is very near the tipping point. Unless we change soon, the small evidences, like the recent financial meltdown, will give way to even more shocking changes, and the blind forces of domination, greed, and insensitivity will push us over the edge into a global collapse.
Or will a critical mass of us adopt the New Paradigm, and thereby bring the perspective of wholeness, systemic healing, empathy, compassion, and Love to the fore. If we do, we may be in time to strike a balance between creativity and destruction, between separation and unification.
Although the denouement of our great epic is not yet clear, the potential to tip either way is there. And the good news is that we have the unique ability, due both to our new understandings about Love and to our new tools of communication, (ranging from cell phones to the internet and social networking,) to actually take part in writing our own script.
More and more of us are realizing that the change that needs to take place in the world around us, from our personal relationships to the actions of our nation, is exactly reflected by the change that needs to take place within ourselves.
Can you imagine that the peace, wellness and vitality we want to see in the world will emerge as we create it within? If enough of us can imagine that – and act on that – and develop the integrity to actually commit ourselves to the change we all say we want, we can definitely do it.
I can imagine it. People everywhere are feeling called to come into the present moment, release those aspects of the past that no longer serve, nurture inner wisdom and love, and awaken “the leader within.”
We are transforming our own lives and opening to the experience of shared values and meaning. Each of us is a neuron in the emerging global brain, and our networked communities form a basis from which collective intelligence and collective wisdom emerge to create a transformed world of peace, freedom, and Love.
Now is the time each of us must choose. My vision is that we choose wisely. What can love lead you to imagine?
When the hand of utter stillness opens the heart, time ceases.
Then, love is possible.
Dr. Emmett Miller
http://DrMiller.com
Dr. Miller’s YouTube Channel
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