Taking care of a baby is no joke

You may be wondering where I’ve been. It’s felt as if I’ve fallen off the face of the earth. My world has spun off it’s axis in the past two weeks due to an unexpected change in plans that left me with a baby.

A baby.

I haven’t babysat a baby since I was 12 years old, and even then diapers scared me. I’m a little rusty in the baby department, and have absolutely no experience with germy, snotty, coughy babies who can’t tell you what hurts. But I can say I’ve got some of that now.

My friend, who prompted my move here to Fayetteville from Santa Monica, was set to be deployed. We were planning for her trip, and preparing her for the experience. Her baby was set to go to New York to stay with her family for the six months she would be away. I would stay here at her condo, taking care of things on the home front. Everything was in order.

I was trying to make a plastic toy seem interesting to her baby when my cell rang. It was my friend. Her voice was thick with relief and excitement.

“I’m not getting deployed,” she said as calmly as possible since she was at work, which is on a busy floor in an Army hospital. “Your prediction was right. My name was put on the list by mistake, they apologized, I’m not going!”

“Yes!” I cheered. “That is amazing!”

The sudden change of plans was something to celebrate. My best friend would surely be out of harm’s way, and best of all, not separated from her baby. She already had to deal with having her cell glued to her hip for the rare moments when her husband got to call her from Afghanistan. At least now, even though her schedule was insanely busy, she could restore some stability. Although the Army did say her name was first on the list to be deployed to the Middle East six months from now, we would cross that bridge when we came to it. I still don’t feel she will be deployed then, either, but time will prove this current gut feeling. For now, we’re basking in gratitude that she’s staying put here in this small, no frills military town.

The only problem was the baby. Not that the baby is a problem, she is a wonderful little human being. But let’s face it: the girl poops her pants and can’t feed herself. She needs constant entertainment and looking after because God forbid her little uncoordinated hands hit something or her wobbly head bangs into something.

Being run down from the recent stress of losing my home to the fire, I ended up picking up the baby’s cold. It was a bad one. I felt it in my chest, ears and throat. I tried to give her Reiki, which she accepted for a few minutes and calmed down, but then went right back to high pitched wails. My friend took her to the doctor and she came home with a diagnosis of a double ear infection and bronchitis. And a bag full of medications.

Taking care of a baby is a full-time job. I have so much respect for the women who do this, and who do it well. My friend works full-time as a nurse, has military obligations as a Captain in the Army, and still manages to change diapers, do never-ending laundry, home cook meals from scratch and comfort her baby when she cries in the middle of the night. I don’t know how she does it all. I am not a great multi-tasker. The first day I tried to comfort the crying baby and make a phone call, she slapped the cell and dropped the call. When I saw a mushy poopy diaper and learned that you have to “dig deep in the folds of the vagina” where poop gets stuck, I felt my stomach lurch. When I have a baby, I can’t imagine working more than part-time if at all during these early years. Undivided attention is an understatement when it comes to babies. Especially if you want to pay close attention to making the best out of these early developmental years, including holistic organic nutrition and mental and physical strengthening exercises, as my friend is doing. I love seeing how my friend is so enthralled by her baby’s babbles and cries and the new motor skills she’s learning each day. Motherhood is absolutely exhausting, but I can see how it’s also incredibly rewarding. It is no doubt the most selfless job on the planet.

It’s a job, however, that I’m personally not ready to have yet. Not at this time when I feel run down and need time to rest for a bit. Then I will do a sun salute jump into work here, teaching yoga and providing spiritual support to the military folks in this depressing town that is a pit stop in most people’s lives. At this time, I am desperate for peace and quiet, for reflective time, for sleeping late, and none of these things can be done when you have a baby. The Army gave my friend the week off to find daycare, so soon the beautiful little baby girl will be in good hands during the day while her mother and I help people heal here. I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have a baby right now, because without a healthy, happy marriage, I couldn’t imagine taking on this responsibility. I predict for myself that I will be preggers about two years from now, and that the next few years will be filled with unexpected surprises – just not of the babbling kind.

©2011 Lauralyn Harter

www.heavenhealingarts.com

Is a baby on the way?

Wow. Just got a text from my bestie that she thinks she may be pregnant. She asked me to use my intuition to validate it. I feel there’s a strong chance she may be, and advised her to take the test as soon as possible. She remembered that I had a feeling she wouldn’t get deployed because of a medical condition but we couldn’t figure out at the time what that would be. Is it possible this is it? While most of the predictions I’ve felt have come true, there is no way I could guarantee 100% accuracy in my gut feelings. But if she is pregnant with the baby boy that I’ve seen in her future, then it would make sense why I never felt she would be deployed, and why something felt so wrong about her going.

The lesson here is to adapt to whatever life throws you, and find a way to make it work. If she doesn’t end up deployed, which is a blessing and miracle, it was a good test of our mental and emotional flexibility that we were able to prepare ourselves for the worst and how to get through it as best as possible. What better way to approach life than to create a comfort zone even when things feel scary and uncertain? We can make some things certain, like we will do whatever is in our control to make life as good as it can be in the moment. If we focus on what’s out of our control, we will always feel anxious and miserable. But even the small things like knowing you have the comfort of friends, or a routine that relaxes you, can bring great ease during times that feel extra stressful.

I do believe that what seems out of our control isn’t random. I believe it’s those times when God tests us the most, when we are sent “on assignment” to test our spiritual capability and agility even more. I remember feeling so nervous before the college entry exams in high school, so much so that I felt like my mind was going blank. But once I relaxed and thought, I can do this, then it started to flow. I released pressure and told myself to just do the best I can. That’s all we can do in any given moment.

Well, I thought there was a lot of suspense already in this move, not knowing what to expect or how I will adapt moving from L.A. to North Carolina. Now we’ve just thrown a possible pregnancy in the mix, which would make it a total of two babies I’ll be rooming with! Is it possible that God is sending me to Mommy boot camp to help prepare me for my own future?

Hmmm. We’ll soon see. I’ll let you know as soon as I do (as soon as she does).

©2011 Lauralyn Harter

www.heavenhealingarts.com

A bomb exploded on Monday night on MTV, and your teens may have become part of the fallout. The fuse was lit years ago, however. Why didn’t we do anything to disarm this bomb or snip the fuse? All of the signs were there since they were infants, on television, newspapers, magazines in the media, then on the internet, My Space, Facebook, Twitter, their cell phones… This fuse burned across all of these media, through your household and your neighbors’, on the school bus and in the schools… We never looked to see where the fuse was leading, and now look what happened.  Dr. E… on \”Skins\” CNN

The television show, Skins, debuted on Viacom’s MTV on Monday with a viewership of 3.3 million viewers, its highest ratings in the 12-34 y.o. range. Viacom, by the way, is the same company that brings you Dora the Explorer on Nickelodeon. You don’t have to look too far to see the concerns with the show Skins, just watch the trailer; however, I don’t want the focus of this to be the show itself, which is concerning enough; the focus should be on our culture, itself, after all, we may not have lit the fuse, but we allowed it to burn all the way to the bomb itself.

Skins Didn’t Start The Fire

Back in the 80’s, the heavy metal bands Judas Priest and Ozzy Osbourne were implicated in the suicide of teenagers for the lyrics in their music and this was taken to court. What I believed then and believe now is that while these teens and young adults listen to the genre of music, their musical interests were only an indicator of their beliefs, emotions and attitudes. As it pertains to Skins, this show is no more responsible for the sexual attitudes of our kids than heavy metal is for suicide. However, these are further influences that impact our culture and our kids.

Kids from infancy on are exposed to sexual content, whether we realize or not, and as I have discussed before in previous blogs (Elmo Says, Gleeful Discretion, and Your Body Is Not A Disneyland) this exposure contributes to the vernacular of their unspoken language and ours. We all have to see that we have become numb to many of the influences in our culture that became the fuse that led to this bomb. Skin is everywhere and what they have seen on TV and in the media is that sex is power and drugs are an escape. These are very powerful messages indeed, and aren’t we all seeking power in some form?

Money, It’s A Hit

The almighty dollar is also a huge source of power. How much money do we spend on sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The bottom line is people pay for these and watch the shows and the advertising dollars will follow. I have a few questions for Taco Bell, who recently announced that they were pulling out of their sponsorship, “When did they decide to pull their sponsorship of the show, and if they saw the trailers for the show why did they think it was okay to sponsor this show in the first place?

Money makes our media world go around, and with the ferocity of the competition and limited ad dollars being spread around to that many more outlets, realize that you, as a consumer and viewer, have more power than you think. When the money hungry monster isn’t fed, he dies faster and faster these days. If you don’t watch the show, it will not survive. When we allow shows that endorse unhealthy and reckless lifestyles to remain in our media-driven culture, we make it okay and send a message that this behavior is okay to our kids and others.

Freedom, I Won’t Let You Down

Over the past decade, the internet has become more and more of a vehicle for our belief systems and information is shared at an eye-popping speed, and many of our kids have had unprecedented and unsupervised access to it. In addition, cell phones have contributed to another avenue of exposure to life that is also often unsupervised. Like kids in a candy store without supervision, and even sometimes with supervision, many of them ate too much candy that made them sick, and they still have not learned to eat healthy.

We live in a country that values freedom, and some powers of the internet and media work to protect these freedoms that sometimes protect their interests more than ours. As a parent, it is your job to monitor and manage your child’s freedom. I would prefer it not be control. Freedom comes with a price and a responsibility. Use it wisely, and teach your kids to do the same. At this time, we have a lot of work to do.

What’s Love Got To Do With It? It’s NOT A Second-Hand Emotion

Many of the issues our kids are having with sex, drugs and their sexual attitudes are influenced by their concept of love and their attachments and relationships to parents and others. We have serious problems with the strength of our attachments with our kids and sex and drugs often becomes a way that they are reaching out for comfort and escape from pain. Just because we give them everything they want, doesn’t mean they have everything they need. Acting out behaviors, be it sex and/or drug-related are often a sign of deeper issues that go back to love and security. Step back and see what you can do to repair, heal and strengthen the gap between you and your kids.

So what should you, as a parent do about Skins and other more serious bombs that could still explode in our culture?

• Don’t make a big deal about this show and others like it and forbid them to watch it. That may make it more attractive to them. Talk about the concerns and ask them what interests them about it?
• Give your kids more hugs and love. We all need them.
• Sit down with your kids and talk with them about their life, beliefs, and attitudes.
• Don’t lecture, listen.
• Turn off the TV and do more together as a family
• Eat dinner together as a family
• Meet your kids’ friends, boy/girlfriends and their parents
• Watch what your kids are watching with them sometimes and talk about it.
• If your kids are having difficulties that you realize you can’t handle, get help.
• Don’t just complain about what should change in our culture, do something about it.

This isn’t just a game people play. These attitudes and beliefs are a way of life for an emerging generation. There are many more losers than winners, and the results can be tragic. Just like many hair and clothing styles in the past, I hope we wake up one day, look back and say, “What were we thinking???”

Respectfully yours,

Dr. E…

www.DrEPresents.com

Rena Reese
http://mysoulsalon.com/

This week was an epic event, especially in the southeast. Crippled by a snowstorm that will be remembered for decades to come, life, as we know it was brought to a halt. If you were one of the millions of families that were blessed by “The Snow Storm of 2011” what did you do with the opportunity?

You may be saying, “Opportunity? What the heck is he talking about? I was stuck at home, couldn’t get to work, lost income, got behind on my work, and my kids drove me crazy?” How many times in your life do you have an opportunity to create positive memories with your family that aren’t canned in the wrapping of a holiday or the mouse ears of the amusement park? This week may have had some secondary expenses, but the dividends of the experience and fun that could have come from it may last for years to come.

For me, if I am not seeing clients, I am not getting paid. I don’t get paid time off, and when the snow came, I woke up Monday morning under 5 inches of snow in a county outside Atlanta that owns 9 snow plows. I could have looked at it through the eyes of lost income, or I could have looked at it like a field of untouched, fresh-fallen snow, full of opportunities. I chose the latter. In life, I have had to learn to surrender the idea of control and have learned to accept what comes my way. This seems to be what the “hammer of life” has taught me. Getting caught in worry, stress, and grouchiness of what I want to happen does not create positive memorable experiences.

I allowed the kid inside of me to come out and play with my daughter, and my wife joined us too. On day one, we built the snow castle, complete with a 7 foot high Rapunzel’s tower. During this process, some of the neighbor kids came by to help, and my daughter made new friends. I am just not sure who had more fun? On day two and three, we spent time at neighbors’ house sledding on the run that involved taking part of a fence out between the two yards [What would Robert Frost have to say about this (no pun intended)?] so they could double the length of the sled run, and on day three when the snow turned to ice, it took the cooperation of many to assure the safety of the few luging down the hill.

Perhaps the highlight of this experience was that it brought neighbors together to share in the joy of their kids and themselves, and after the evenings of sledding, we all shared in potluck dinners and caught up as friends. Will life return to normal? Probably, very soon, but who says that is such a good thing. How often in life do we become distracted by what we need, rather than by what we want?

What are your kids really asking for from you, and what do you do when opportunity calls?

Carpe Diem,

Dr. E…

www.DrEPresents.com

Rena Reese
http://mysoulsalon.com/

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Santa pawned his sleigh… It looks like Jolly Old Saint Nick may be riding bareback on Rudolph this year with his bag of goodies. For many families Christmas may just not be the same this year, and the cut backs have certainly reached the North Pole.  If you are one of the many, as a parent, you may be facing the fact that you just can’t spend as much on Christmas this year, and along with that, Santa’s annual haul may also be significantly less. TV Interview: Dr. E… on Santa Downsizing – Good Day Atlanta

So how can you, as a parent who loves your child, spend less on Santa, one of the most altruistic and generous icons of our culture? What will your child feel when they wake up on Christmas morning and look under the tree only to find that Santa “cheaped out” on them? What’s up with that? Santa has unlimited income – doesn’t he? Isn’t he part of the G-8? Well, because current financial circumstances, I can only imagine that there are going to be a number of parents feeling guilt, failure, sadness, and worth-less, because of their inability to come through for the big man.

The Culture of Christmas

Here is the problem, our culture has spent a lot of time, money and public relations building up the image of the almighty elf in the red suit. As a result, many parents feel obligated to give until hurts in the name of the overgrown elf and his somewhat diminutive north-bound brethren. Many of you may, at this point, be cursing this tradition, as you may be wondering whether to pay the light bill or purchase the latest game system to put under the tree.

So, why do our kids need so much at Christmas? Since this holiday is dedicated to the birth of the “son of God”, is this really what was really intended. I think not, but once we back ourselves in a corner and start a tradition, we often feel that we have to keep up with it, even if it doesn’t make sense. Norman Rockwell painted a great picture, but there are times in life when art can’t imitate life.  Teaching your kids responsible spending, even if it’s from Santa Claus is probably the better angle to take. Is it really a good idea to go into more debt to buy more happiness? I didn’t think you could buy that.

The Santa Talk

So how do you talk to your child about this very delicate situation and explain that Santa Claus will not be spending as much this year? What I would suggest is that you start by adding a significant prefix to Santa. This prefix is “The Spirit of”. The reason is that this starts to explain the true idea behind Santa, who was born out of the intention to teach the gift of giving, not the gift of getting. Personally, I teach my daughter that the Spirit of Santa lives in everyone.

As you talk to your child, you can explain that in the recent years, you realized that we were all losing the meaning behind Christmas and discussed this with Santa (sometimes in life we all learn lessons, even Santa). You can support that your kids may have noticed that your family has not been spending as much, and there won’t be as much spent on Christmas this year. They might notice that other kids may get more from Santa when they are getting less, but that doesn’t mean that they haven’t made good choices. The decision to spend less was made between you and Santa, and each parent makes their own agreement with Santa. If they feel upset that others get more from Santa, you understand that, but it is not a reflection on them.

The next issue is to help your kids to understand their expectations of what they will get by looking through a list of wants. If they are going to visit Santa, have them limit their lists to a few “realistic” items. I believe that having an endless list of wants that they can dream about only to find that they get nothing on that list leads to disappointment, sadness and bad memories.

Talk to your kids about what you want them to learn from the holiday, and let them know that you want to focus on what you all have rather then what they will get. You also want to talk about how you have learned that happiness doesn’t lie in how much you get or what you have, it lies inside of us. You may want to then encourage your kids to develop a season of giving and see how you can help others in inexpensive ways. Here are a few ideas:

1. Each day leading up to Christmas go around the dinner table and have everyone say something they feel gratitude for.
2. Each person in the family makes a present for someone else in the family with a dollar limit.
3. Perhaps even consider contacting DFCS to help provide Xmas for a child in foster care.
4. As a family, make cookies, a meal or something nice for someone or a family who is having challenges.
5. Try to get a group together to sing at a retirement home.

The goal is to change the focus to what they can give and have them find happiness in sharing with others. Start a new tradition this year that may carry on for generations, and let the “Spirit of Santa” fill your heart instead of your stocking. I would ask you to have yourself and children consider this: Ask not what Christmas can do for you, but what can you do for Christmas.

Respectfully,

Dr. E…

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Rena Reese
http://mysoulsalon.com/

My Unity church is a small one.  We don’t have a big children’s program so for that reason my youngest daughter, Callee, is almost five but still a “nursery kid.”  Her age group doesn’t yet get spiritual instruction.  Up until September she hadn’t really been introduced to Jesus.  (In our house we pray to God or Spirit not to Jesus.)

In September we (Callee and I) went to NC for my grandmother’s funeral.  In the days leading up to her death, Mema had a vision of Jesus.  It was a given that when she finally passed everyone talked about that vision.  Jesus had come to take her home.

Before the funeral, the family went to privately view Mema’s body.  I really didn’t want to take Callee into the room.  I didn’t think she would understand.  I thought it might scare her or scar her.  In the end, the confusion scared her more.  There was a mysterious room where people walked into and then started weeping.  My brother-in-law did his best to distract her, but ultimately I decided she needed to see what was going on.

When we showed Callee Mema’s body it was explained to her that now Mema was with Jesus in Heaven.  I did not realize then how seriously she was filing that statement away.

It has been two months since the funeral and pretty often Callee still mentions, out of the blue, that Mema is with Jesus.  The other day though she said something that made me realize that this particular way of explaining death to her may have been a mistake.  We had stopped to check the mail when Callee stepped in a huge fire ant nest while wearing flip flops.  She ended up getting eleven ant bites.  When we got in the house she sat down and was furiously scratching the bites.  While doing this she said in her meanest voice “I wish all the fire ants in the world would just go with Jesus to Heaven.”

On one hand, I wanted to crack up laughing but on the other hand, it made me sad.  Now my little girl equates Jesus with dying.  I’m realizing now that although it wouldn’t have been as sweet, it would have been much more productive to have just told her that Mema had died.

With this in mind I just have to hope that she doesn’t come in contact with someone trying to evangelize to her.  The moment they ask her if she wants to have Jesus in her heart she’s likely to wonder if it’s some kind of death threat!

Leslee Horner
http://lesleehorner.wordpress.com/