I’d rather be a detachment diva than a drama queen. But how do you break the cycle of stressful thinking that leads to unhealthy bouts of drama in your life? Practicing non-attachment is a method that the ancient yogis and Buddha suggested to decrease suffering and remain centered in truth. Wikipedia provides this simple definition:

Detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective.

Detachment doesn’t mean that you close your heart to a situation, instead you open your heart to yourself and all involved. Detachment doesn’t mean that you tune out, it means that you refuse to attach yourself to emotional drama that distorts your thinking and throws you off balance. Detachment doesn’t mean that you stop caring, it means that you care without expectation or the need to control. This is a higher state of being that could result in less suffering and more feelings of peaceful well-being. I’ll give you an example.

Last weekend, I was feeling particularly sensitive. Maybe it was the result of too much work and not enough rest. Maybe it was because I was feeling challenged by the military life I’m currently experiencing. Maybe my body was experiencing hormonal shifts. Whatever the reason, I was walking a path with my partner and I began to feel a prickliness in my body as he spoke.  Then I became aware of my thoughts. I realized that I was taking everything he was saying personally, even though in truth he wasn’t taking any jabs at me. And yet every time he said something, my brain was translating it to mean something else aimed directly at me. I started my own dialogue in my head:

“You’re making it all about you. Give him space to talk and share what’s on his mind. Detach from analyzing or translating it. You’re not in his head. Just give him space to share how he feels without making it about you. It’s not about you.”

How often do we truly listen to what someone has to say without somehow making it about us? It’s a skill to “hold space” for someone to talk and share freely. When someone shares, it’s coming from their experience. The only way we could experience hurt or guilt is if we take on their experience as our own. It’s an act of love to allow someone to have the floor and share from the heart and for you to witness their feelings while avoiding attaching your own emotions to them. Is this a challenge? Absolutely. Is it possible? Absolutely.

But like any skill, it takes practice. It begins with noticing your physical and emotional reactions to things around you. If you feel a change in your body and find your mind offering a translation that is creating stress for you, stop. Wake yourself up for a moment and become the observer of yourself. You can change your thoughts, which will change your experience and the reality of the situation. Try to connect with how you’re really feeling in the defensive moment. Are you feeling tired? Overwhelmed? Stressed? Give yourself some compassion and find ways to meet your needs or share your needs with others so you can shift out of that state of being. Is there a history of stress with this person? If so remind your brain that you’re in the present moment, let go of the past. Taking a step back, holding space for others and depersonalizing things are healthy ways to detach from drama and maintain steady, grounded and even keel with your presence in the world. This soulful practice can enhance the quality of your relationships by allowing you to experience love in it’s highest form.

©2012 Lauralyn Harter

www.simplyserenityyoga.com

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With organizations, communities, and people facing unprecedented change and uncertainty worldwide, we invite you to learn from Peggy Holman Author of ‘Engaging Emergence’ – Turn Upheaval into Opportunity, and winner of the 2011 Nautilus Award for Conscious Business and Leadership.

With and without human mistaken beliefs, emergence arises from chaos as existing order is disrupted, differences appear, and a new coherence coalesces.

Peggy’s award winning book: “Provides practical advice for orchestrating conflict and moving through discomfort to reach a new coherence.” —Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky, cofounders of Cambridge Leadership Associates and coauthors of Leadership on the Line and The Practice of Adaptive Leadership.

Life arranges for Align Shine Prosper INNER net radio guests to show up on time and purpose. Please invite others to join us. Listen live FEB 01.12 or to a recording of our world changing interview. http://tobtr.com/s/2750219

With thanks,

Doreen Agostino
Energize KIND in Humankind
http://freetobewealthy.net
http://earthfriendtotes.com
http://blogtalkradio.com/align-shine-prosper

Our voices are stronger when counted together!

Calling this tract of humanity to action:

Will you say ‘yes to peace’ and align with peacemakers Feb 04. 12 rather than non-action, as the U.S. and Israel beat drums of war with Iran?

To learn more, Petition for Peace, and participate [in person or spirit] please visit:

http://www.worldcantwait.net/index.php/features-mainmenu-220/iran-mainmenu-247/7436-dont-attack-iran

NO war! NO sanctions! NO intervention! NO assassinations!
http://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/1170/p/salsa/event/common/public/index.sjs?distributed_event_KEY=655

http://www.facebook.com/events/214341975322807/

http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=28773

We stand at an unprecedented moment in evolution. Please share with others and thank you.

Doreen Agostino
Energize KIND in Humankind
http://freetobewealthy.net
http://earthfriendtotes.com
http://blogtalkradio.com/align-shine-prosper

http://stopwaroniran.org/ did not include

Euphoria. That’s what it is.  That feeling you get when you realize that…wow…I’m home.  And that feeling of euphoria has you soaring. You feel energized, safe, beautiful…and you’re full.  Full of hope. Full of life.  Full of love. Filled with love.  And nothing, absolutely nothing, could change that feeling.  So you drop your defenses and let go because it feels right and it feels good.  But most of all, it feels different this time.  There’s no fear.  Wait.  There are no lies. Wait… There’s transparency. No…wait… Until…POOF!  In the blink of an eye, it’s gone.  And you’re left wondering…well…I thought…but he said….  What… just happened?

Yeah…euphoria is nice when you’re loving and agreeing.  But you’re debating and disagreeing, euphoria takes a back seat to ego.  Words are said that shouldn’t be.  Confidences are broken.  Secrets are hurled in faces and they slam against your cheeks like cement bricks.  Mmm…the pain.  Not Him…  And despite your best efforts to remain calm, you feel the volcano bubbling.  You feel the red, hot, steaming lava churning and slowly making it’s way up from the fiery pit in your belly.  Not Him… And before you know it, you’ve become a willing participant in unloving foolishness.  And you want to walk away but…Did he just say?  And you know you both are better than this low-vibrational display of negativity but…Oh really?! So that’s how you really feel? And you know with every unloving word that you spew, your Euphoria is getting more distant and more unreachable, but…He just said he doesn’t give a damn about me!  And that may not have been what he said, but that’s what you heard.

How do we go from Euphoria to verbal stompings in mere nanoseconds?  What is it about our egos that won’t allow us to just simply pause long enough to listen? Why can’t we take a break to consider if our words really, truly honor the person and the relationship?  Or…do we not care to honor them to begin with?  I often wonder how many relationships could be saved if folks just took a second to check in with their feelings and ask themselves, is this real?  Why do we allow such hurtful words to pass our lips and into the ears of people we claim to love and care for?  Or…are those just words?  So one has to wonder.  What part is real?  Which words do I believe?  If a person says that they care about you and they can’t imagine life without you, but then says “Delete me!”, because you had a disagreement, you think to yourself “Wow… that was easy for you.”

I’ve come to the conclusion that we are really confused about love.  I believe it even more now.  We’re walking around here falling, jumping, diving into love and we don’t even know how to swim.  We’re ill-equipped to stay above water.  And many of us can’t even float!  But instead of taking lessons, we decide we’re just not going to get in the water ever again.  Because although it was refreshing and exuberant and it felt oh so good, we’d just rather not have the experience because it was a little scary, we got hurt a bit and well…it didn’t always feel so good.  Ha!  It never even occurs to us to just go take some damn lessons!  What is wrong with us?!  How do we not properly prepare for the thing most of us say we want most?  Look around, we don’t know how to love one another.  One argument ends a potentially beautiful relationship.  We refuse to listen to each other.  Hell, we can’t even call each other out on our stuff without jeopardizing the relationship.  And that’s what we’re in each other lives to do!!!!  I don’t have all the answers, but I will share what I do know about love and relating.

1. FIGHT FAIR!  Always. This is non-negotiable.  Don’t bring up old issues.  Don’t hit below the belt.  Don’t use the relationship status as a defense (ex: You’re not my girlfriend!).

2. BE RESPECTFUL! Why do we have the tendency to take arguments to a place they don’t need to go.  There’s never any justifiable reason to disrespect someone you care about with harsh words.  Never. Unless…you don’t really care about them.

3. HONOR YOURSELF! We’re all working hard at becoming our ideal selves.  And we’ve done so much work already. Don’t negate all of your hard work by reverting, or resorting, to old behaviors.  We do this out of fear, because we haven’t yet mastered the new ways of relating.  The only way we master the new ways of relating is by practicing.  We must practice.  If you’re constantly being challenged and you consistently respond with your old ways of relating, you will continue to be challenged until you get it right.  (BOOM! This is a light bulb moment for me!)

I don’t profess to have all the answers.  And I will never claim to be perfect.  I am still working on me, but I am WORKING.  We must do the work. We have to do the work.  Love is far too important for us to continue giving it these shoddy ass trials.  Let’s get back to Love People!  Smooches!

Cynt Roberson
http://emittinglove.wordpress.com

Feel The Glory by Nicola Rickards Karesh Expecto Patronum! I hear Harry Potter’s voice to the other students, “Allow it to fill you up…” and I think of love filling every empty space, every portal and love just can’t be contained.  The inclination is … Continue reading →

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1. You attract everything that happens to you. I can’t tell you how often clients ask me what they’re doing wrong to “attract” negative or less-than-perfect situations to their lives. This kind of thinking can lead to feelings of guilt, self-punishment, judgment, anxiety, fear and narcissism. An egotistical way to view life, which will lead to misery, is to make it all about you. When things aren’t going as you hope, instead of asking “what am I doing wrong?” ask, “what am I being asked to learn from this situation?” This places you in a true position of power and stops the victimization cycle. Life is filled with challenges. No matter how good and loving you strive to be, you’re not going to be immune to challenges. It’s a compliment. God knows you can handle challenges. God sends you people and situations who could benefit from your wisdom and healing, and people and situations that could help you heal and evolve your soul. When we’re in a receptive state to learn, we will be open to asking how we could help in a challenge or what we could learn from our hardships. De-personalize the details, and recognize the blessings. Gratitude lifts you to a higher state of being and thinking, which can help you get through challenges easier.

The law of attraction isn’t a magical thing and it’s not a simplistic theory. It’s a law of energy or physics. “Like attracts like” meaning what vibrates at similar rates (including one’s destiny) may be brought together through the time space continuum  like how magnets feel that draw to connect. But what if something that doesn’t appear to be vibrating at your rate is sent your way? Does it mean you’ve dropped the ball and have done something wrong? Or is it part of your calling to teach, heal or learn from what’s sent your way? What if just because something doesn’t feel good or appear to make sense, it’s still vibrating at your rate because it’s connecting to a part of you that can teach or heal or that needs to learn or be healed? Consider the law of attraction like this: we are brought together with people and situations for a divine purpose. It’s not just about what your ego wants, it’s about the ripple effect of life and your soul’s purpose in this world. Sometimes our brain will interpret these interactions as wonderful, like when we’re brought together with people who are just like us. Other times our brain will interpret a situation as awful because it’s not making us happy. Either way, take a step back and learn from the situation. You’re being called to a higher purpose with it.

A helpful prayer to heal from any negative associations with the law of attraction is the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

2. Your vision board is a magical universal shopping cart for your every desire. It’s my experience that vision boards are best used as a divine inspiration for your soul’s purpose and passion. Just because you place a photo of a supermodel on your vision board doesn’t mean you’ll ever look like or marry one. If you go deeper into your soul and ask yourself what would bring you peace, you may find the images on your vision board change. You may have photos of smiling faces representing happiness. Or strong bodies representing health. Or a yoga pose to inspire your practice. Or an image of water or mountains that you’d like a view of someday from where you live. You may place photos of things you’d like to give, as well as receive. When I was in high school it was about material things or life experiences that I wanted. As I grew up, I added ways I would love to serve others and help this planet. It’s been most fulfilling to experience these service goals coming true – the board serving as inspiration of what’s possible and to help keep me motivated and focused. When my efforts and passion meet with divine timing, the vision on the board becomes my reality.

So don’t lack faith if you never live in that 10-bedroom mansion overlooking the ocean that you placed on your board. Just think about all the taxes and copious amounts of cleaning you’re being spared. Use your board as a focal point to inspire your soul and motivate you to accomplish your goals and continue to dream about what’s possible.

3. If something isn’t perfect, it’s not meant to be. Sometimes things are going to be super easy and feel “meant to be” and other times you may feel like you’re fighting tooth and nail for what you want. Just because something isn’t easy doesn’t mean you should quickly walk away. God ultimately shows us what’s not meant to be, we must trust in that higher wisdom always present in our lives. When you’re headed in the wrong direction, you can often feel it in your heart. Or you end up being strongly re-directed. It’s hard to deny when something isn’t meant to be, you’re usually not given much of a choice. This divine wisdom asks us to eventually accept when life doesn’t go our way. There’s always a reason why something works out and why something doesn’t. We just have to trust. Trust helps the soul feel at peace and helps you hear your intuition clearer. Consider making a commitment to something you feel strongly about and working through it, even when it’s challenging, because it’s those hard times that can build trust and a loving relationship for a lifetime. Or a career that you become really good at, enjoying success from your efforts and helping many people. Avoid the ego trap of striving for and expecting perfection. Practice acceptance for what is, and strive to be the healthiest you. Change what’s in your power and commit to a positive outlook. Life may not be perfect in your perception, but from the higher view, it’s always perfect on that deeper level.

4. A spiritual person doesn’t ever do anything that would upset anyone. Gentle, sensitive souls who are striving to be the most loving, kind and compassionate people may find themselves feeling stepped on in life. It’s the sensitive souls who end up becoming doormats for stronger personalities who mistake their gentleness for weakness. Sensitive people often focus so much on the idea of being viewed as “good” that they behave in ways that are actually bad for them. A friend of mine once said “us sensitive people have a higher tolerance for BS.” It’s true that a deeply compassionate heart is often open to everyone and will tolerate a lot others wouldn’t. We just have to be aware of the fine line between caring for others and caring for ourselves. If your own dignity, self-respect and health suffer as the result of you being a spiritual person, it may be that you’re using compassion as an excuse to avoid healing your self-esteem. Where is the strength of our compassion if we’re lacking it for ourselves? It’s a sure way to burn out.

Consider spiritual street smarts. You can do good and feel good, but you need to be discerning. There are people out there who won’t see your loving heart and just don’t care. They’ll use, abuse, take you for granted and take advantage of your goodness. There are people out there who would prefer you be meek and suppress your own feelings so they could feel in control. There are times you may unintentionally offend someone by sharing your personal belief about something. You can’t be a yes man to everyone without sacrificing your own health and well-being. It’s not healthy to be consistently kind and giving and then start feeling resentful when certain people aren’t kind or giving back to you.

You can shine your light in the world without leaking it out in a way that undermines your strength and power. Even the angels practice tough love. Angels are created of pure love but they’re far from doormats. They just say no to fear and actively clear it with a very strong, very powerful, very focused divine love. It’s not a romantic or friendly love. There is no personal agenda, and there’s none of that sentimental kind of love we humans feel. It’s divine love – something that’s hard to explain in human terms. Divine love feels synonymous with respect for all living things. This love doesn’t fall prey to guilt or rationalizing. This love is clear between the boundary of love and fear. It’s mission is maintaining a strong divine love and practicing zero tolerance for fear.

We can do the same by not being afraid to express ourselves, forgiving ourselves when we act out of fear, and by practicing our loving kindness in a way that feels comfortable to us. When you stop worrying what others will think of you, you will begin to live the kind of spiritual life that feels right for you. Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Theresa and other spiritual leaders in our time have served as examples of standing your ground and speaking your truth without allowing the fear of others opinions sway you from your life’s purpose.

5. If you haven’t met your soul mate, you’re doing something wrong. This is another one I’ve heard from clients over the years and it always saddens me because these are kind, smart, beautiful people who feel they’re somehow blocking the love of their life from crossing their path. As an intuitive, I’ll tell you from years of providing hundreds of readings, I’ve seen enough proof to believe that we have little external control over our love destiny. We can’t control when our soul mate will be ready for us, or when that timing will be best for both of us. Does that mean you should sit home in your pajamas every weekend and not bother putting any effort into your dating life? No! You’ve got to put the vibe out there that you’re ready for love. You can do this by joining an online dating site, letting friends and family know you’re looking, being bold and taking risks. The love of your life is out there somewhere and you’re destined to meet.

The universe can use your help. Your psyche was erased of the date you’ll meet, so your love life is now an adventure. You play the game by searching and wondering and pining, and chances are your soul mate is doing the same thing. Then one day, exactly when it’s meant to happen, you’ll meet. It could be online. It could be at a support group or yoga class. It could be in a coffee shop. It could be at the gym, or maybe through a friend. The greatest challenge of love is waiting for it. The wait will challenge your mind with all sorts of depressing thoughts, like you’ll always be alone or you’re doing something wrong. The best thing you could do while waiting is continue to focus on your own personal development and opening your heart so when that destined encounter happens, you’ll be receptive with a grateful heart.

©2012 Lauralyn Harter

www.simplyserenityyoga.com

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