Dear God/ess, One of our frequent Prayer Blog visitors, dear Heidi, is getting married to Greg today. She is my niece. I am with her in spirit. We wish she and Greg the greatest life together, full of joy and great abundance.
I am still in a meditative state after the Crystalline Grid call last night. It was a real blessing to hear that some major force is now activated, the Crystalline Grid itself, and this emboldens Love and Loving thoughts and facilitates loving states in more effortless ways. Love is God and God is Love.Love was the gospel of Jesus and all of the saints of every religion. Love is Universal truth.
It's almost as if this grid is a place where we ground the energy of love which is spreading now in the sphere of human consciousness. Love, when grounded, can then align and center itself, herself into our etheric bodies, where there is no separation. The activated Crystalline Grid is an energy that no one can ignore. It is a massive life force, and the only choice is to go with the energy. Working against this energy is a self-destructive act.
I imagine a non-physical energy that more and more people will be feeling, in states of compassion and empathy. More and more, desires for solitude will be yearned for instead of feared.
More and more, creative states will be ignited and amazing art forms will spring from the imagination to the canvas, or from the musical instrument, or to the blank white page.
Dear God/ess, I am still thinking of the book called "The Divinity Of Dogs," and as I write these words, Ulysses lies beside me on the bed. He sighs deeply. I give him a pressure point massage down both sides of his spine.
One of the potential uses for the Blue Heron Farm Spiritual Retreat Center is for people to come and learn healing techniques for their companion animals. People need to tune into the Divinity of their dogs and cats et al and the retreat will give them permission to do so.
The Blue Heron Farm Spiritual Retreat Center can also be a place where Healers come and rejuvenate, regenerate and rest with good food, meditation, holoenergetics and the Mechano-Magic treatments which we specialize in.
We can help people who are dying and they come here to find the strength and resolve to face possibly the biggest moment of a lifetime: Dying Consciously.
People who have had a major loss can come here to heal.
This is a place of healing.
We just painted the window sills and wooden window borders a light blue. This brings out the beautiful green of nature and blue skies and the magical blue Conestoga River into the house, as a feeling of communion with the beautiful outdoors. We want to pull the beauty of the great outdoors into your experience when you sit and quietly meditate from any room in the house.
This is a place of healing.
We bring healing into our hearts and transform all experience to Love. We go back into the world and give back to it a peace beyond understanding.
Last night, I had a dream that I was in a tall building and needed to get to the lower levels. Well, the all-white, spiral staircase was steep and scary as hell. I didn’t want to go down those stairs. Some guy then tells me about an elevator I can use instead. So I walk over to the elevator that has a monitor next to it showing a video explaining exactly how to use the elevator. It shows that once the elevator reaches the bottom floor, it basically collapses and disintegrates. And anyone in the elevator, who wasn’t lucky enough to get off in time, well…sorry Charlie. Needless to say, I didn’t get on the elevator either. So in my dream, I’m stuck on the upper floors, refusing to go down the steep, scary stairs or the diabolical elevator. I’m just stuck.
I looked up the meaning of stairs and elevators on Dream Moods and this is what I found:
Stairs – To dream that you are walking down a flight of stairs, represents your repressed thoughts. You are regressing back into your unconscious. It also refers to the setbacks that you are experiencing in your life. If you are afraid of going down the stairs, then it means that you are afraid to confront your repressed emotion and thoughts.
Elevator – Descending in an elevator, suggests that you are being grounded or coming back down to reality. It also signifies setbacks and misfortunes. In general, the up and down action of the elevator represents the ups and downs of your life. It also symbolizes emotions and thoughts that are emerging out of and submerging into your subconscious.
Now, I’m not going to venture into analyzing the dream just yet. Because first, I need to be honest about where I am in my life right now. …I need to be honest with myself. I think this may have something to do with the “repressed emotions” suggested above. Truth: I imagined that at this particular juncture in my life I would have it all together. You know… IT. The wonderful, loving husband, the strong, fantastic marriage, the five beautiful babies (yes, five!), the gorgeous home, the dream job, and financial security. Truth: I don’t have it and I want it!
What I have is one beautiful daughter and I thank God everyday for her. Sooo…what happened to the rest of my IT? Now, this is the tricky part, because I think at this point is where I’ve begun to repress my emotions. So when I posed the question above before, my answer has been: I am blessed and grateful for all that I have and I know more blessings are coming my way. Now, do I mean that? Absolutely! However, in order to be truly honest with myself, there are other emotions I feel when I take stock of my life as it is right now, in this moment.
Truth: I was laid off in May from my job as a teacher and I have yet to secure another job. I’ve applied to more schools than I can count and I haven’t received any solid offers yet. I am beginning to get scared and it is becoming more challenging to remain consistently positive. Now, if I were one of those people who saved…what is it 8 months?…of salary, perhaps I wouldn’t be as worried. But I’m not one of those people and I didn’t save 8, I saved 3 and it is just about gone. *breathing* It was hard for me to admit that, even to myself. My relationship with money has long been an issue for me. Nonetheless, that is the truth. I am frustrated that I am going through this at this point in my life. I should be enjoying my IT….waking up blissfully happy and in love with my life. And I feel guilty admitting that I am not completely in love with my life. And I want so badly to be.
…but people always expect me to be the happy, positive, strong one. So the negative emotions have been repressed. It’s funny…when people describe me they always comment on my strength. And the truth is, I don’t even feel strong most of the time. Yet even as I type this, I’m hesitant about publishing it, because I think it makes me look weak and pathetic. Isn’t that something? I actually want to censor my authentic emotions. I know better! The truth is, most of the time I am happy and positive and my outlook on life correlates with those emotions. However, sometimes, like today, I am afraid. I am scared that I am taking the stairs or elevator down – away from my IT. And today, I just want to allow those feelings to exist. I don’t want to push them away or down. I want to honor them because they are real. And maybe, just maybe, by honoring them I can admit that I do still want my IT and I deserve nothing less. After all, I didn’t get on the stairs nor the elevator in my dream. That has to mean something.
I’ve stayed away from this blog for quite some time, attempting to get my bearings…trying to get re-focused on the lessons I wanted to teach. Ha! The truth is I’m still learning about this love thing myself. And I guess I came to the point of the journey where I have imparted as much as I know, or have learned, about love. So what more is there for me to say? What is the point of this blog now? And as I review my measly NINE entries, I wonder…what in the hell have I learned?! Doesn’t seem like very much. But in the spirit of being gentle with myself, I realized that I’m still learning, I don’t know everything (imagine my surprise when I realized THIS!), and now it’s time for the real journey to begin.
Was I really audacious enough to believe that I’ve learned all that there is to learn about love? How to love? How to be more loving? What are true expressions of love? I have to admit…yeah. I had become arrogant in my newfound knowledge, discoveries, and realizations. I felt I could tell everyone else how to get it right, but lo and behold, my arrogance was quickly checked at love’s door as an unwelcomed guest to a very exclusive party. I was knocked on my ass not once…not twice…but THREE times. Whoa…. And now that the dust has settled and my head has finally stopped reeling, I can say…ok…Round Two. …or would this be Four? No matter. There are still lessons to be learned, knowledge to gain, and memories/experiences to create. So now, I have to truly embark on love’s journey. See…I approached learning about love like a scholar. I read all that my pudgy little fingers could grasp. I researched poets, authors, and scholars who were authorities on love. I studied Bible verses, teachings, and spiritual texts on love. In my head, there’s not much I don’t know about love. Yeah, even typing now I see my folly. How did I think I could relegate love to my mind? I KNEW better. Seriously…I did. But even with that knowledge, I didn’t do better. In fact, I lost two very good friends because I didn’t operate in my heart space. *sigh* I didn’t intentionally do anything to them, but apparently they were hurt by my lack of action and when I found this out (neither came to me personally) I acted as if I didn’t care, even though I was, am, extremely hurt. Turns out, I’m human after all.
This blog will, from now on, be about me and my journey to be more loving, to operate from heart, and be an authentic example of self-love. I am writing as a student of love…not a teacher. So as I share my stories and experiences on this journey, I hope anyone who decides to read this will learn something from me…anything, no matter how small. And share what you’re learning on your own love journey.
Tom and I just got finished watching an interview with Len Laskow, where he discussed with his interviewer the Unity and Resonance of Love. He described a place behind the heart which we can access in order to come into a coherent loving field with everyone, anyone and anything in our life. I look forward to learning how to do this when he comes to our retreat center 8/13-15/2010.
My intention is to stay in a loving state more consistently in my life. Often we need teachers to guide us in the direction where we can better serve ourselves and other people. I know I allow my frustrations cloud my vision because I think situations and people need to change in order for me to be happy.
Intellectually, I know this is rubbish, another cluttering thought that holds me back.
I also know that no matter what, I am determined to get free. I admit to the all too human tendency to stay stuck in false beliefs and circumstances. But I feel a movement toward the shore line where suddenly I realize this is not a dress rehearsal, or a pretend game of power over, but power of: life, love, peace, action, inspiration all done with the consciousness of knowing, without doubt, reservation or fear.
This is a topic that I am sure we all give a good bit of thought to. What is monogamy? Why has it become so intrinsically linked with the value system of our society? Is there a purpose that is served with the acquisition of it?
Well, we can address the question of purpose by saying that monogamy is needed for marriage to work. Marriage is needed for procreation to come about. And, procreation leads to the completion of the family. Within all those aspects are thought to be contained an intrinsic and absolute expression of love throughout.
All of the above, is absolutely true. Monogamy is absolutely necessary for a man and a woman to achieve a family. And that can indeed be considered to be at the pinnacle of happiness in this life. So, why do so many marriages and relationships fail? And, why are so many families being torn apart because either the man, woman, or both come to the conclusion that they are unfulfilled in some way?
This has always been the tough part to get for me. It is surprising that while so many relationships are failing, so many of us continue to press on, searching for that person that will finally complete us. Either side certainly has ample reason to blame the one opposing because both play an active role in this vicious cycle. But why is it this way?
I have concluded that we have come to look at the ideas of relationship, love, and sexuality in such a limited way, and from such a merely material perspective, that we have become unable to see the higher purpose of anyone of them. What do you think that could be? Do you think it is possible that these concepts can even have a purpose other than the aforementioned?
Well, if we look at them in the order in which they were originally intended, first there has existed the individual man and woman. They at some point meet and through a general attraction for each other, love is found. Then sexual union would be followed by the creation of a new living being.
If we look at that idea from the point of view of many of the ancient Taoist teachings we find that even in their system of spiritual cultivation the same thing exists but in an existential (rather than material) way. In those cultures, each individual would first be shown ways to cultivate their own singular conscious awareness, through meditation and so forth.
As that awareness increased then it would be obvious that another cultivated being would be needed for either person to reach a new level, the highest level, of ultimate consciousness. This would be done through a kind of ritualistic sexual alchemical union to produce the immortal seed.
Is it possible that the men and women of today are simply seeking to satisfy their need to experience this higher state without realizing it? I am sure no one would deny that they feel the happiest when they are connecting with another person. I know this for certain and have experienced it. Is it not pretty easy to see that the experience of orgasm is simply the highest and most satisfying expression of that connection?
I think it is. The fact that a whole new life can be sparked by this makes it pretty clear. There is such an abundance of energy within the experience of orgasm that it can almost mimic satori or samadhi in many ways.
It is unfortunate that so many people are beating themselves down emotionally by running around trying frantically to find that one person that they can spend their lives with without understanding the true underlying purpose.
As I said, you are never as fundamentally happy, as when you are connecting emotionally with another person. But to look at it so one-dimensionally puts us at odds with ourselves. Perhaps we can look at it another way. Perhaps we should begin to view it in a way that helps the idea of monogamy make more sense than it seems to at the moment.
What would happen if we changed our priorities a bit and if, instead we had as our top priority, personal cultivation?. Maybe the achievement of true love of another would come much easier because it would be simply an extension of the existing love that we have cultivated within.
If I achieved an overabundance of love for myself, does it not make sense that it would spill over into almost a need to express that excess of love to another (instead of only wanting to…be loved by another)?
And, then, the next would be to realize that that mutual connection, that other person, is needed for me to reach even higher levels of realization.
That other person would then seem more like a vessel or channel for self actualization. That would be opposed to the current idea of being merely someone to spend time with, or grow old with. That idea has been romanticized to death, but it really isn’t so romantic.
The idea of having a partner in life who is helping me to bring about my own capacity for understanding myself and the world around me. Now THAT is romantic.
If that idea was put in place and acted out maybe then could the idea of monogamy actual work quite well.
I know that there is nothing I want more than to find that person that will help me achieve a higher level of spiritual understanding. And I have no problem waiting for that person to show up in my life. And, when they do, if I am pure and spiritually evolved and complete, I haven’t even the slightest doubt that it will be right.
Dear God/ess, One of our frequent Prayer Blog visitors, dear Heidi, is getting married to Greg today. She is my niece. I am with her in spirit. We wish she and Greg the greatest life together, full of joy and great abundance.
