Is your love of power undermining the power of your love?

I heard a lecture this weekend by author Diana Butler Bass who is a scholar specializing in American religion and culture.  She talked about how the Christian church has often been so caught up in the love of power that it forgot about the power of love.  Whether is was the crusades in the 12th century or current concerns about the religious right or creeping secularism, a militant response seeks to gain power and control over others.  The power of love to change the world and transform lives is lost in the process.

I couldn’t help but think about power dynamics in relationships.  Many times, especially early in marriage we struggle for power and control.  Not that it is always intentional or conscious; rather it springs from our internal sensitivities.  We have ingrained ideas about how things are supposed to work in relationships and feel defensive when our partner challenges those ideas.  We find ourselves fighting over things like how we handle money or every day issues like who cleans the litter box.  The issues themselves often are trivial but they are connected to strong feelings and deeper agendas.  Our responses are often militant in that we insist on our own way at the expense of the other’s sense of well being.

Breaking power struggles is possible, even easy, when we shift focus from the love of power to the power of love.  In love we can learn to honor our self and our partner by speaking the truth about what we are really thinking and feeling.  For example, “it’s important to me that we save more money because I’m afraid that if we don’t we’ll end up struggling in retirement just like my parents did”.  This at least puts real information on the table and opens the door to talking about each person’s hopes, dreams, fears, and way of thinking.  Love does not insist on its own way but seeks to find solutions that work for the best of all, which cannot happen if you make it about who has power

When you find yourself in the grips of a power struggle consider these questions:

•    What am I really feeling right now?
•    Why is this issue so important to me?
•    Why is it so important to my partner?
•    In the big picture, what’s really important?
•    What do I need to learn from this situation?
•    How can I make this about love rather than power?

After all that you may be tired so go ahead and take a power nap.  You deserve it!

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What is Your Labor of Love?
(The thing you are gifted to do that expresses your
deepest and most essential self, that you MUST Do).

Rumi once said, “work is love made visible.”
What a powerful and true statement.   You know how wonderful it feels
when someone loves who she is and what she does—just like a like a
breath of fresh air that allows you to feel cared for and uplifted.

We need more work that this in our world.

People who work in this way are inspired.
The original meaning of inspiration is to “breath in spirit,” so when we love what we do,
we share the very essence of human life—the capacity to breath deeply andjoyfully.

Love Work With a Passion!
The idea of work has been shifting for many years, and with the
economic meltdown, now more than ever we need to realize that not only
can work be fun—it’s supposed to be fun.

I coach my clients, “never ask what you can or should do”  rather ask,
“will I enjoy  this?”

To love oneself is the key to living a happy life.
We have heard this many times, yet, what does self-love really mean?

Self-love requires knowing and honoring oneself, to go on the Quest of
self-discovery, a lifelong challenge of being the best, most loving,
intelligent, compassionate person you are capable of becoming.

Loving yourself involves finding the true brilliance of you, seeing
and sharing your inner jewel, and the continual realization that you
are unique, like no other person in the world.

Let Your SOUL Shine
To the extent that you come to know your True Self/Soul, you can know others.

To the depth that you come to love your True Self, you can love others.

To the generosity you come to give to your True Self, you can give to
others, for we cannot give what we do not have, nor love what we do
not possess, or know what we do not know.

When people do that, we succumb to pretense and shallowness, which is
detrimental to the SOUL.

At this time, we are at the end of the reign of the ego, and entering
into the Age of the SOUL.  We have nowhere else to go but inward to
seek and ultimately find our happiness.

Step Onto Your Path of Purpose
As I reflect back how I first stepped onto my own path of purpose,
about 20 years ago, I remember reading my first “self help” books that
were by the Love Dr., Leo Buscaglia (1924-1998), all of them made an
indelible impression upon my soul, and I am delighted to see how his
wisdom is still with me today and integrates so beautifully into my
own purpose.

In my work, I teach about three kinds of purpose: the universal,
personal, and professional that each human being has the opportunity
to fulfill during his or her lifetime.

Buscaglia once said that “love is our greatest challenge, for love and
the self are one and the discovery of either is the realization of
both.”

This sums up the fulfillment of one universal purpose, of knowing who
we are as spiritual beings.

He also “It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to
live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others,
sharing what we have for the betterment of person-kind, bringing hope
to the lost and love to the lonely.”

This sums up our personal purpose, being loving in our relationships.

He also said, “God’s gift to you is your life and your talents.  What
you do with that gift is your gift back to God.”

And now we have the professional purpose, our unique contribution to
the world.
My work is to help people fulfill these three levels of purpose in
this lifetime, so they can accelerate the evolution of their SOUL.

What stops many is refusing to answer the CALL and saying yes to NO situations.

Know Your No So You Can Receive Your Yes
To truly express Self-Love in your work, you must first know your NO,
so Life can give you your Yes, Yes, Yes!

This often involves Change.
You have to love and honor yourself enough to stop temporizing
(putting off) what you know you need to change or upgrade in your
work/life situation.

Say Yes to your Self.
Yes to Love.  Yes to Life. Yes to Wisdom. Yes to Others.  Yes to Learning.
The soul loves to stretch, so let it.

Realize that all things serve to spur the evolution of your soul.

Love most definitely involves growth—Personal growth as well as the
growth of our mastery of our work (which takes FAT: focus, attention,
time).   It’s been 20 years since I first stepped on this sacred path,
and I am still growing in my mastery.

The essence of loving another human being, ourselves, or our purpose
is to be dedicated to growth, and to find ways to actualize our
highest potential in all of our relationships.

And we accept this because we love.

Wherever you are on the path to Living your Purpose, know that
bringing more love to where you are right now, brings you closer to
fulfilling your destiny.

Because love is a creative and healing force, any time you Love
yourself more, you are radiating that positive energy to others, and
ultimately, “doing the work of the Light.”

*****
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We come into this world as a precious spirit abiding in a beautiful but fragile baby body.  We have no tools to survive in this world so we are completely vulnerable and dependent on those who care for us.  To the extent that we receive the care we need, including love, safety, and nurturing, we will grow in confidence and capabilities.  We learn to develop, nurture, and express our own spirit as we grow up and become who we are meant to be.  It is like a seed encoded with the possibilities of becoming a beautiful, fruitful tree, but the form of the mature tree depends on the conditions present to shape it in the process of maturation.  However, unlike the adult tree, we never lose the ability to create and transform ourselves as we obtain the tools and understanding of how to do so.

Our human experience does not provide all the perfect growing conditions, so we get cut and bruised, and injured.  Instinctively we protect ourselves as best we can and hide the precious spirit within from harm.  To the extent that we do not receive what we need, we lack in confidence that it is OK to express and be who we are.  Over time we forget who we are in essence and learn to compensate for the pain and fears we feel.  This sets us a pattern of seeking to fulfill ourselves through whatever seems to offer comfort and validation.  However, this will always fail because we are not designed to fulfill ourselves.  We are designed to be fulfilled in the divine spirit and to find purpose in learning, growing, experiencing, and contributing to creation in this life we are living.

Marriage and other intimate relationships offer great potential for helping us grow and transform.  However, we often suffer because we ask our partners to provide the fulfillment we are desperately seeking and they cannot.  So we get stuck in projection, blame, and resentment, because we are angry about a lifetime of not knowing how to get our needs met.  What we fail to realize is our intimate and loving relationships cannot be the source of our fulfillment but they can be the fertile environment we need to do the inner work of connecting with and expressing our true self.  In a loving relationship we can find the safety and courage to remove the layers of protection we have built around our spirit.  As a partner in a loving relationship you can experience the privilege of supporting and bearing witness to the dissolving of these fears and pains and the emergence of the essence of your loved one. There may be no higher calling than this.

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I have been reading a book called NUTS! Southwest Airlines’ Crazy Recipe for Business and Personal Success by Kevin Freiberg and Jackie Freiberg.  It is about an extraordinary Love corporation called Southwest Airlines.  This collective illustrates Love through their values, actions and perspectives.  Here are some pearls of wisdom from the best  Business Love practices of Southwest Airlines:

1. Love is action oriented.  “A lot of people confuse love with romanticism and sentimentality…Love is an act of will…What we’ve learned from Southwest is that the power inherent in love is released only when love is shared.”
2. Love is patient.  “Our ability to put up with the guff and inconveniences cause by others can be an indicator of how much we love them.  Love is slow to anger when inconvenienced.  When we get in the trenches with people to endure difficulty or hardship, and we do it without complaining, we express our love for them.”
3. Love is kind and generous.  “Love finds one of its greatest expressions in kindness and generosity.”
4. Love is courteous.  “When someone does something extraordinary, happiness is the emotion and celebration is usually the order of the day.  You will rarely find Southwest employees engaged in the kind of backbiting gossip that puts people down.  “There is a sense of caring about one another and respecting one another and being sensitive to one another that is extremely refreshing, and it causes you to be happier in everything you do,” says Tom Kalahar, president and CEO of Camelot Communications, Southwest’s media-buying agency.
5. Love is affirming.  “Love believes in people.  It chooses to look for the goodness in others.  People who have worked in goal mines will tell you that tons of dirt must be removed before the miners hit a vein of ore.   The miners go on to say, “But we focus on looking for the vein of gold rather than the firt.”  Love makes people say, “I believe in you.  I value you.  I want you to succeed and be fulfilled in everything you do.“
6. Love is compassionate. “Love draws us to get in touch with the condition of other people’s lives.  When we develop a deep awareness of their suffering, compassion induces us to take action.  Compassion consists of capability of identifying with the pain of another person coupled with the desire to relieve it.”
7. Love extends grace and forgiveness.  “Grace is the capacity to accept people as they are and forgive them for the wrong they cause.  As a component of love, grace is an act of the will, extended without condition or limitation.  When we receive grace, it is always undeserved and usually unexpected.  We come by it through no power of our own, but, rather, through the power of love extended from others.  People who feel an overwhelming sense of appreciation are compelled to act more responsibly.”
8. Love doesn’t guarantee approval.  “Although many people equate love and approval, they are not the same.  Real love comes without conditions; it doesn’t depend on anything.   Approval must be earned by our performance.  In this sense, you can love a person without approving of his or her performance.”
9. Love is tough and gutsy.  “Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for people is tell them the truth–even when the truth hurts.  Making decisions that hurt people in the present but help them avoid even greater pain and hardship in the future may be the kindest thing we can do for them.  This is why love is tough and gutsy.  The caveat, of course, is that our actions must be motivated by genuine love.  Often we avoid telling people the truth because, in the name of kindness, we want to spare them the hurt.  At other times, we avoid telling people the truth out of self-protection–we hate the thought of being disliked.  In either case, we do them no favor.  Our evasion of the truth enables employees to continue operating with deficiencies that are detrimental to their success and well-being.  That is not love
10. Love embraces humility.  “Love is humble.  It does not entertain pretentiousness or arrogance.  There is a big difference between self-confidence and arrogance.  We know a lot of self-confident leaders who don’t draw a lot of attention to themselves.  They fight like hell to draw attention to the causes they fight for, but they don’t become too impressed with their own accomplishments.

The Love chapter ends with recommendations:

• Show love more often
• Make love a decision, not just a feeling; then stick to it.
• Recognize other people’s need for love–and your own.
• Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and express your needs.  Love often insists on vulnerability.
• Life is short: forgive and forget.
• Love people by speaking the truth in loving ways.
• Be gracious.  Polish your politeness.
• Don’t withhold love when you  disapprove of others.  Don’t view others’ disapproval as holding back love.

I thank you Southwest Airlines and all affiliated parties, agents or otherwise for being such a great example of Love for us to learn from.

Much Love,

Aaron Mangal, Co-founder, The LOVEolution

This is the first audio in our Love in Business Series–dedicated to delivering engaging, relevant, effective and personal content for conscious capitalists.

After listening to this Audio with a pioneering conscious capitalist Jon Marro, founder of Blend Apparel you will learn:

• What Is Sacred Commerce–And How Is Love Involved?
• How Jon Marro And The Owners of Cafe Gratitude In CA Are Pioneering A New Paradigm In Businesses
• How To Entertain Ideas Rather Than Set Beliefs In Stone
• How The P.A.S.S. (Profits, Awakening, Sustainability, and Service) Principles Guide This New Way Of Being
• What Clearing Is And How It Can Make Us More Present At Work
• How To Create A New World Rather Than “Saving The World”
• How To Be Love Regardless Of What’s Going On Outside Of Us

The topics covered in this interview are from Cafe Gratitude’s workshop on Sacred Commerce.

Click here to listen to Jon Marro on Sacred Commerce

Enjoy!