"Loving is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction." Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

It’s Valentine’s Day. Let’s talk about love.

I’m an intuitive therapist and a lot of people contact me for guidance about their love lives. A consistent message that has come through for people has been about unconditional love. The greatest challenge is learning how to love someone unconditionally. That doesn’t mean that you accept abusive behavior or stay in an unhealthy situation that isn’t right for you. It does mean that you accept someone’s imperfections just as you would appreciate your own imperfections be pardoned. It means that you be mindful to speak kindly and not hold onto grudges or judgment. Unconditional love is choosing a relationship that lives in the moment, not that clings onto the past. Romantic love can teach us so much about forgiveness, patience, self-respect, assertiveness, selflessness, compassion and mercy. Acceptance is another lesson. Accepting someone as they are, not as you want them to be. A healthy union will challenge both people to grow into a better version of themselves, using their own free will to do so. A loving partner can inspire you to rise above stubborn old habits, broaden your perspective on things, have courage to face your fears and strengthen your ability to be patient and kind to yourself and others.

The Body

So how does falling in love happen? I’ve watched those Discovery shows that break love down into a chemical reaction – “feel good” hormones and built-in evolutionary detectors that help you choose the right mate, biologically. It’s interesting how women who are on the pill are less likely to use their innate biological detectors to choose a good reproductive mate because the synthetic hormones interfere with this natural ability.

I do find the physiological component fascinating because we are made of flesh and blood, and it’s part of the falling in love process. But what about mentally, emotionally and spiritually? How does this process of love unfold on all these different levels to create a life-lasting bond with another human being that is even stronger than we have with our own families?

The Mind

The mental part is an important component because it’s here that people will talk themselves in, or out, of love. All the files to past hurts are stored in the mind, and those files will be activated with warning alerts whenever something triggers insecurity or fear in a present relationship. The conditioning of the past from parents, friends and teachers, can also play a role in relationships, leading the mind to either choose something familiar (but that’s not good for you) or to convince yourself that you’re unlovable (and so you push people away). The mind is a powerful tool in relationships because it has the power to change any unwanted role you’ve played in the past. It has the power to remain present, and aware. But you must be self-aware before you can practice awareness with another. You have to know what you want and need in a life partner, and this is unique to each person’s particular life journey – what they’ve gained, and what they’ve lost. What they’ve had, and what they’ve longed for. Their strengths, and weaknesses. A partner for life is not a romantic fairy tale, though it does have it’s dreamy moments. It is a real opportunity to be tested on the practice of love. A relationship is a daily practice of love, giving and receiving. Some days you may feel you give more, others you may feel you receive more. When both partners are giving, there will be a joint awareness that brings a natural balance in the relationship so no one person feels left out or a sense of unfairness. Awareness is key in the mental realm of love relationships.

The Emotions

Emotions are a fuzzy world. They can blur reality so you see only what you want to see. The hormones are getting you high, and you get caught up in the excitement, and that’s why you need the mind to balance the emotions out. You need to practice moments of non-attachment, as we learn in meditation, to step back and remain centered. You often here people say, “I was swept off my feet.” That’s what happens when the emotions lead, you lose your grounding, your footing, in the every day reality. This every day reality is what ultimately tests a relationship when a person comes down from that high and realizes no one is perfect. Stress happens. It’s how we react to these less than ideal life situations that can make or break a relationship. In the realm of emotions, we can also access a deeper connection with our partners by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, to allow another to see us for who we really are, to share joy and sorrows. Without this emotional connection, love can’t flourish. The emotions allow us to actually feel a spiritual connection with another human being. The emotions are the bridge that carry the feeling of love to and from the heart, and fill a home with warmth and comfort.

The Spirit

What I see most often in my counseling practice is a lack of spiritual connection in couples. Wives often feel they must keep their interest in Reiki or pursuit of spiritual knowledge and awareness separate from their husbands because it’s not something their husbands would understand or be supportive of. So long as the husband is supportive of his wife’s need to fulfill this part of her life, then the couple can still connect spiritually in the way of respect. Respecting each other’s individual beliefs and spirituality is very important in a healthy relationship. If there is no spiritual connection, it’s not the end of the world, but it sure can up the chances of divorce. Think about it: if a couple who has a strong shared faith encounters a major life challenge such a job loss, where will they turn to support? They’ll turn to their faith, whether it’s a religion or just a shared spiritual belief. Their joint faith will help them cope with the stress in a healthier way, helping them see ways to overcome the challenge, gain wisdom and support each other. The couple who don’t share a joint faith may find a major life challenge rocks them to their core, and lowers their reactions to blame, anger, and ultimately a disconnect. Once that lack of support and love is felt in a relationship, it starts to deteriorate until all that’s left is distance and resentment. During times when couples are tested and fail to be brought closer together, wounds are created that may never quite heal right without vital spiritual support. Spiritual support is a healing salve in a life that may often seem nonsensical in it’s happenings.

Prayer, meditation, couples yoga, nature walks together, retreats when you can share silence and self-reflection time, and reflecting on your relationship and what you’re learning and what you want to learn, will create a strong spiritual foundation for love to thrive.

All of this may seem very practical, but how does one actually fall in love? Aside from the shift in brain chemistry that makes you feel all warm and fluttery inside, how does real love develop?

The Word

It’s through the simple, daily words and actions. Kind, supportive words, generosity of time and care, integrity, honesty, loyalty, all of these every day words and actions are like pieces of thread that eventually create a strong bond between two people that is sturdy enough to weather storms and resist temptation, and flexible enough to allow each person to grow as individuals and as a couple. Words are powerful, they are food for the soul, and without positive, loving, kind words shared in a relationship, toxicity will poison both people leading to a demise is love and affection. No one can feel close to someone who judges them, criticizes them, rejects them, or makes them feel unworthy. We are each individually responsible for how we choose to react in a relationship. It’s our reactions that will lift a relationship to a higher level or lower it to where it’s bound to break.

If someone isn’t making you happy and isn’t open to changing, it is a far better act of love to set you both free to find better matches than to begin to resent and belittle or withdraw affection because you don’t feel happy. We are individually responsible for our own happiness. Choosing the right relationship based on awareness and daily acts of love will support your inner happiness. Allowing yourself to stay in the wrong situation and endure daily stress, frustration and pain isn’t an act of kindness or mercy towards yourself, and it’s certainly not love. Love is kind, love is merciful, love is forgiving. Everything else is a fear response. So if you’re feeling anything less than love in your relationship, ask yourself, what do I fear?

Character Traits That Support Your Beliefs and Lifestyle

True love is based on admiration and respect for your partner. Not for who you wish they would be, or wanting them to fix everything that ever went wrong in your life. True love is not about lust or fantasy. It’s about giving, giving of yourself. And this can be hard, especially on those rough days. The practice of love is not always easy, but it is very rewarding. When you admire and respect the person you are with, you begin to feel a deep love for who they are. You love how they treat you, how they treat others, and how they contribute positively to the world around them. They become a role model, motivating you to reach your greatest potential and do what makes you happy. True love doesn’t stifle, doesn’t block, doesn’t make you feel held back in any way. True love liberates, it sets you free from the bounds of fear and encourages you to be the person that you want to be.

On this day when we celebrate love, I will make a vow to myself to maintain awareness in love. Long gone are the days when I was impressed being swept off my feet. Today, I want to be in a waltz with my partner, taking one step, one day at a time on this journey that we share together.

©2011 Lauralyn Harter

www.heavenhealingarts.com

Today I give myself the gift of taking deep breaths, knowing that bringing fresh pure air and life force energy into my body, into my cells, will filter out the remains of what needs to go; knowing that in receiving this ever-present in every moment gift from the Universe, I am nurtured and made new.

Today I give myself the gift of sight.  I choose to see my day with God’s eyes, through the lens of beauty and light, knowing that all is well, knowing that I am fully cradled in His supportive arms.  In this, I see Truth, and I allow for all possibilities to unfold rather than needing them to match criteria or perspective.

Today I offer myself the gift of being free.  I release all attachments, all restrictions, all inhibitions, all fears.  I ride the wave of wisdom that is love, dancing to the rhythm of my heart song in bliss and honor of the sacred uniqueness that is me.  I delve into my radiance, exemplifying my everglow and redefine what it means to BE.

Today I give myself the gift of grace.  I call on my angels and my God and my own brilliant loving highest self to expand me in ways that I knew not that I was capable of, to overlap me when I feel I can’t possible be stretched further, and to whisper to me the secrets of peace especially in the moments that I’m sure I have been broken.  I open to grace to guide me through my day, to lighten my step and broaden my perspective, and to wash me clean in the ever-flowing, all-knowing light.

Today, I give myself the gift of a warm embrace.  I open my arms wide, and my heart wider, allowing pure love to pour forth, unhindered by anything that seeks to block, anything that holds me back, as I exchange my need to protect for a new way of living.  I open to receive, knowing fully that I am worthy of every ounce of love that is longing to complete me.  In this essence, I pour forth everything I AM as a radiant Being of Light- in one full spectrum of splendor and magnificence, knowing that my love is my light and my light is here to shine along side all of the other beautiful bright stars of the Universe.

Today, I give myself the gift of peace.  I do not limit my capacity ofr this vortex of oneness that ensues the truth of the ages.  I choose now and in every moment the gracious surrender that allows for the flow to enhance and direct me, releasing expectation, letting go of the burdens of the past, knowing that the indwelling fountain of contentment never runs empty and is free-flowing to me in every moment of my existence, despite any obstacles, inner or outer conditions, or resistance to go within and rememeber my Truth and my essence, my sovereign and sacred I AMness that brings me back to a simpleness and a clarity, and restores me to the perfection of my sacred Being.

Today, I offer myself the gift of choice. I distill the need to worry or limit myself through excessive contemplation or thinking and respond to life from a conscious perspective, giving myself permission to tap into, fully, the well of wisdom within me.   I follow the guidance of my heart as it leads me gently to every next thing, and leads me gladly back to myself.  I release the need to be victim, or to blame.  I recognize where I have and do give my power away and I reinstate myself eternally as creator of my reality, as authority of my life, as captain of my soul.  I honor and respect my choices and decisions, never looking backward or giving credence to the pervasive power of uncertainty or doubt.  I know with total and complete certainty that I am led, that I am cradled and supported, that I am completely capable of bringing to this world my greatness through my conscious creation of heart-based living and ever-growing peace of mind.

Today I offer myself the gift of five-star living.  I recognize that I am worthy of every want and desire I have ever dreamed of.  I cast aside the limitation of what appears to be in my life and what does not.  I open to the fullest potential of possibility for me to live in abundance in every aspect of living,  showered by the wonder and beauty of the world and all it has to offer, unabashedly giving of the gifts I have received.  And in this, I am set free to the  ebb and flow f creation as it pours forth into every aspect and corner of my existence.

Today, I give myself the gift to re-creation.  I allow myself to be born anew in all of my Greatness and glory, meeting life with freshness and implicit gratitude as I welcome and receive the fullness or every opportunity, embracing every blessing that is every moment, that is each thing, if I should choose to see it that way.  And I ask that I may walk my days forward in this light.

Loving you completely,

~Rhonda

Awakeningthedivine.net

Copyright © 2010 Rhonda Simpson~Conscious Co-Creating. Permission is granted to copy and redistribute this transmission on the condition that the content remains complete and in tact, full credit is given to the author, and that it is distributed freely.

A Quote from George Lucas

I read Kevin Kelly’s new book What Technology Wants a few weeks ago, and came across a powerful quote Kelly shared from an interview he had with George Lucas:

“If you watch the curve of science and everything we know, it shoots up like a rocket. We’re on this rocket and we’re going perfectly vertical into the stars. But the emotional intelligence of humankind is equally if not more important than our intellectual intelligence. We’re just as emotionally illiterate as we were 5,000 years ago; so emotionally our line is completely horizontal. The problem is the horizontal and the vertical are getting farther and farther apart. And as these things grow apart, there’s going to be some kind of consequence of that.” (pg. 196)

And a Mild Rebuttal…

The spirit of Mr. Lucas’ quote here is spot-on, but I do have to say: I don’t think humanity is as emotionally illiterate today as it was 5,000 years ago.

From Ken Wilber’s writings on the spectrum of consciousness and lines of development to the work of Wilhelm Reich, Carl Jung, Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks and many others, there is ample evidence for the argument that humans are in fact growing emotionally, or at least sure as heck trying to.  So we’re not “just as” emotionally illiterate today as we were 5,000 years ago.

But we may be “almost” as emotionally illiterate. Progress does indeed seem to be slow-going when it comes to inner and emotional human development!

And meanwhile, science and technology progress at an ever-increasing exponential rate.

It’s Time to Grow, And Fast

For anyone open to the picture painted in those words by George Lucas, the clear take-away is that we as human beings have an absolute ethical obligation to advance our emotional development as swiftly as possible. The future of our very species may well be at stake.

That’s why Claudia and I are sharing these things here at The Art of Creative Relationship.

We aren’t relationship experts. We’re just two people who have noticed the shocking disparity between our intellectual and emotional development and are trying to bridge the gap between them– and somehow, through our sharing, help others to grow and learn these much needed lessons.

We’re finding that, as difficult as it is to master physics and mathematics and engineering, it may well be much MUCH harder to master a healthy evolutionary relationship (or even our own emotional intelligence) so that we may grow into the best possible human beings we can be.

But How to Accelerate Our Emotional Development?

Thanks to the stuckness I mentioned when I got underway here, we’ve had to contend with this question without escape or release over the past month or so: how do we push through the challenges of emotional development? How do we overcome the at times overwhelming feelingIs of stuckness?

We recognized it was time to take on a new and much more active approach to pushing through the things that trip us up. But which approach to take? We are both avid ‘learners’ and have been for a long time studying all of the resources mentioned in our previous post (and many more), but still felt the need for extra help for getting through some of our stuckness issues.

After weighing our different options, we decided to seek the help outside of ourselves and decided on an expert in Imago Relationship Therapy.

Imago is one of the three approaches I mentioned in our last post that we’ve been embracing in order to harness the full evolutionary potential of our relationship.

Imago is too big to summarize here, but there are plenty of resources around the web you can consult if you’d like to learn more. The seminal introduction to the Imago approach is Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. We highly recommend this book, whether you are in a relationship or not.

With 2011 getting underway, we knew we wanted to take our work here at Creative Relationship to a new level. We want to master the skills that actually create love, trust and safety, and through our learning help YOU create your own amazing relationships and relating.

The good news is that there are some fantastic tools available for helping human beings increase their emotional intelligence.
The bad news is that emotional growth isn’t always easy, and I don’t know about you, but there are times when we can go  through some serious growing pains emotionally speaking.

What Do Relationship Challenges Mean?

As we’ve been pushing through this recent batch of stuckness, we’ve come right up against a central question that implicates modern society as a whole: what does it mean when problems crop up in our relationships?

Does it mean that a relationship is bad and should be discarded in exchange for a new one, or does it mean that something powerful and positive is happening deep below the surface as long-standing emotional wounds are being healed and released?

The answer to this question means everything for the continuation or dissolution of a relationship.

From a more Romantic perspective, relationships are all about the fire and passion and ease and perfect complementation of both partners for each other. And from this same perspective problems mean the relationship isn’t “meant to be” as it at first seemed.

But from a different perspective, challenges and difficulties within a relationship represent a natural evolutionary next-step in the process of two people learning to love one another and receive love in exchange.

In the Imago approach, there are four stages of relationship:

1. Attraction
2. Romance
3. Power Struggle
4. Mature Love

Within this four-part model of relationship, it is normal to go from all those amazing high-endorphin feelings of the beginnings of the relationship into a period where challenges and turmoil crop up. There’s nothing wrong with the power struggle–it is just another phase of the relationship as it moves from its exciting origins into the full flowering of its loving promise.

And (are you ready for this?) the power struggle can take up years… and actually, in most cases, the entire life of the relationship. Unless you get past it of course.

A New Direction

We’re now embarking on a journey of taking exponential leaps where our relationship is concerned, and teach you everything we learn and gather from this journey.

By working with the leading Imago Therapy expert in our city we plan to learn, master, the skills and techniques of the Imago Relationship Therapy approach…and we’re super excited to share what we learn along the way with you.

It’s high time we take our emotional growth seriously.

How else is humanity going to rise to the challenge of accelerating its emotional intelligence right alongside the exponential evolution of its technological and intellectual intelligence?

And in our case, right now, that looks like heading into our second session of Imago Relationship Therapy this afternoon to continue pushing through the challenges and confusions that have tripped us up intermittently over the course of our time together.

We hope you’ll accompany us on this journey and share how you’re embracing emotional growth in your life. We can’t stress enough how important it is to keep in mind the ‘normalness’ of troubles in a relationship…but you CAN get past them, you CAN build the relating and relationship that you dream of…and this goal is just as important (or in our opinion, more than) as anything else in your life.

Together, we can keep pooling our wisdom and resources to master the emotional challenges of this quantum leap moment in human history.

Have you ever noticed how sexual and sensual feelings seem to intensity and increase not just your physical alertness but your mental, spiritual and emotional sensitivity as well? You feel more, experience more and become an open door for tuning into yourself and your partner in ways that escape your attention during every-day routine interactions. This heightened mind-body-spirit responsiveness is a form of intuitive awareness. Simply stated intuition is the ability to know something without knowing how you know it. Your intuition can surface primarily through your thoughts, your emotions, and the energy field and through your body. Everyone has intuitive ability and it is as innate and common as your other five senses.

 Intuition is love’s most natural language, as both intuition and love spring from the depths of the soul. Love is powerful energy and like intuition it speaks to us through subtle cues. More than just a feeling and an emotion the power of love defies logic and human reasoning. It is a mysterious and compelling force that leads us beyond our comfort zone and into greater awareness of ourselves, others and life. Your intuition is one of love’s most important allies. It is at work in your attraction to certain people, in your awareness of the deep unspoken feelings of a partner and in your ability to know what to say to help and comfort those you love.

Intuition is more than just the skill of accessing nonverbal information. It also describes the way that we relate to energy and this includes sexual energy.  Love and intuition working in unison with one another is the gateway for soul connected oneness with another that transcends physical boundaries. Becoming conscious of your natural intuition can add a vibrant dimension to sexuality. Carl Jung, the famed psychologist, once said that everyone who came to see him with a “sexual” issue had in fact a “spiritual” issue and everyone who came to see him for a “spiritual” issue had a “sexual” issue. Sexuality and spirituality are highly charged, sensual energies that are forever intertwined. When your intuitive senses are awakened, you can listen and respond to your partners nonverbal needs and desires while challenging yourself to open to new levels of emotional and spiritual intimacy and trust.

Intuitive awareness sensitizes you to respond to your partner’s whole being—mind, body and spirit. This kind of multidimensional connection with another infuses the relationship with excitement and it elevates love making by stimulating peak sexual experiences. Sexual intimacy is an opportunity to experience heightened levels of connection with another and simultaneously, with the divine. Sex can give us an energetic boost into the experience of the higher realms as the experience of orgasm can be a peek into the world of pure energy and bliss. It is like a sudden magic carpet ride into the ethereal.

Your sexual attraction to another is not always predictable and logical. It may even seem to be a force that is difficult to control, and understand. To the ego-mind love-making is a sexual act where personality issues such as power, control and the need for approval and self gratification are satiated. Yet, intimacy is also an exchange that can launch you into your innermost soulful being. The boundaries between yourself and another slip away and you silently communicate with one another and the sublime. You can easily tap into this powerful inner resource as the full power of both love and intuitive ability is within you.

                Use the following meditation to contemplate and redefine what sexuality may mean to you.

• Begin by contemplating the joyful union that exists in nature. Imagine that all of life is continuously participating in the joyous act of ecstasy. Perhaps leaves on a branch gently touching one another in the slight breeze feel blissful energy moving through them. Maybe the water in a cool river awaits the morning sunlight with tingling anticipation, or the deeply buried seeds of a mighty oak stir and move with ecstasy to the sound of overhead crows.
• Contemplate the thought that within the natural movement of all of life there is a transcendent and continuous rapturous interchange.  
• Now imagine that this same rhythm that exists in all of nature exists within you and it is ready to come to life. Invite breath into your body, allow it to relax you. Clear your mind, your heart, and the tension in your body through gentle cleansing breaths.
• Imagine yourself as a hollow and open vessel for the experience of nature at its most sensitive level. Allow the vibration of absolute love to flow into you.
• Imagine your partner as a channel for this most generous and loving energy that desires to make its way to you. Love is like a warm ray of light, like the swell of an ocean wave rising and falling. Open yourself to the love of your partner and to the natural flow of the life force that accompanies your partner’s touch.
• Imagine that in sexual communion there are thousands of stimulated love cells that want to ride into your body. Invite them in. They have a gift for you. They long to wake and guide you into the heavenly environment of expansion and grace.
• Encourage the cosmic to dance within you. Feast on the invisible offerings of bliss. You are a love sponge; draw into yourself particles of the celestial spark. Delightful existence moves you and passes through you. Its gift to you is a timeless moment of joy. Let these radiant particles of absolute love energy move through you and extend this energy to your partner, share your riches freely. 

When you combine conscious intuitive awareness with sexuality, the veil of the physical drops and what is revealed is the ecstatic energy of love that all of life is participating in. 

Author of the bestselling Discover Your Psychic Type and Love and Intuition (Llewellyn Worldwide) Sherrie Dillard has been a New Thought pastoral counselor, professional psychic, medium, and teacher for over twenty years. She has taught classes and workshops, both nationally and internationally, on the life-enhancing aspects of intuition development. www.sherriedillard.com

The road of recovery is not the same as the path of despair. Many, perhaps most people fear allowing themselves to feel their darker feelings because they remember times of being overwhelmed or crushed by them. Consequently most of us find creative, elaborate, or self-destructive ways to avoid being in touch with our painful memories and feelings.

When you walked the path of despair you did so not knowing why you felt so bad and you felt completely alone. You felt no one understood or could possibly know what you were going through. The roots of your despair were yet unconscious. You feared being swallowed up by the grief and the darkness.

The road to recovery is a different road. On this road you must face your fears and also walk into your darkness. However, this is a path that promises hope, not despair, healing, not death. On this road you intentionally and consciously allow yourself to feel what you feel, to remember and to mourn. But you don’t walk this road alone. You will have helpers who walk beside you, hold your hand, or shine a light on the path. You find new ways of knowing yourself and become intimate with your history and emotional memories. As you venture in with open mind and open heart you discover that Divine Love is there, waiting for your invitation, leading you back to your core and your source.

So do not be afraid. Venture forth, ask for help and guidance, and trust that there is light waiting to be found. The road may be rough and scary at first but you will not regret taking this road less traveled. Live your life!

Get instant access to the map that shows you how to get from where you are to where you want to be in your marriage. Complimentary video at Dynamic Marriage Map

I love Truth.

The big Truths with the capitol T, and the little truths. Big “universal law” kinds of truth, and the little “it was me who broke the glass” kinds of truth.

And I love Love.

Love is central, it’s essential, fundamental.

Consequently I love truth-tellers, I admire people that speak and act with complete sincerity and candor. In fact, I have no qualms with politically incorrect speech, or social rudeness of any kind, when it is a result of someone speaking their truth or living their truth.

Now, that doesn’t mean I approve of, or support downright meanness–I just believe that you can speak your truth without intentionally hurting anyone, and whether your speech modality is rough or refined is a less important factor.

I really believe truth is a virtue that can save the world and certainly at least change the world. And absolutely change one’s life. Our dealings with each other would be entirely different if only the perfect truth were always employed–always.

Imagine that!

All kinds of historical events, wars, political affairs and well, just society in general, would be different, would have transpired differently. A parallel truthful world! (is it almost a creepy, bizarre idea–this “all truth-telling world”!?)

I’m not saying that I’ve never lied, or that I don’t continue to have a difficult time with refraining from telling the social ‘white lies.’ It seems that we, the humans, all come equipped with the “lie gene.” It just depends how little (or much) one wants to activate it. But the point is, I love the feeling of speaking my truth and living my truth; it’s just clean, real, and like an apple, good for anybody and everybody.

Telling the truth is in some ways much like an art.

You can refine your delivery and verbal expression, perfect it, dive deep into the implication of your message and its effect on those around you. You can tell the truth like a pro, a master, letting your words and your actions be a simple transparent gift to yourself and the world. You can use your truth to reveal, to elevate, to uphold.

It all begins with yourself; how authentic you are with yourself, and how strong you are in facing your inner worlds. The courage with which you speak your truths and sometimes the ‘brutal’ truths. Sounds simple, yes–but it’s not always easy.

In our journey of learning to craft a conscious and co-creative relationship, Matt and I decided that we would endeavor to apply in our lives what the Hendricks point out in ‘Conscious Loving‘ as a fundamental requirement in a relationship–the Microscopic Truth. They define the microscopic truth as, “when you speak the truth about your internal experience as you are currently perceiving it.”

In other words, speaking the truth about what you are experiencing and feeling inside in an indisputable manner. Expressing what you are feeling physically, and going deeper than that to also express the real inner source of your feelings. Not always an easy thing to do, because there can be many layers of emotion and the sources of these may be buried mighty deep.

It goes something like this, “I just felt a sharp pain in my heart area, and experienced a rush of anger when you told me that you were coming home late. Thoughts of you having more fun with your friends than with me flew into my head, thoughts of you leaving me…and consequently I felt angry at you.”

Now, just a few crucial points about how all this works:

1) First of all, emotions and thoughts connected to them can surface in split seconds. In fact, a variety of emotions can happen all at the same time, in a rush that might sometimes feel confusing or overwhelming. Sometimes keeping your wits about you, not reacting in a rash manner, seems impossible. Here it is wise to cultivate the virtue of patience, breathe deep, don’t let the river of emotions grab you and take you. (This is a difficult one for me–I confess I’m usually more of the reactive type!)

2) Secondly, timing is essential. It’s important to tell the truth right there and then, just as it is happening inside of you. Note the above point of not reacting, not exploding, accusing or blaming. Just a calm and truthful sharing of what happened inside of you and where it came from; entirely transparent, not coated with ego and also not concealing anything.

Timing is essential because by telling your truth as it is happening, you are not allowing for any resentment to grow, you are not giving your mind time to create mind-fantasies, you are not allowing a negative feeling to fester, you’re not dwelling on, or eating your heart out about something until it explodes in an angry outburst later on.

3) You are speaking about “an internal experience as you are currently perceiving it.”

This means that you are expressing the physical aspect of your truth as well as the mental and emotional aspects. This is something that we are not all used to doing, and in fact is something that a lot of people have trouble with.

Expressing where your pain is felt in your body might be unusual, it might take practice to become aware of its locality. But it is always there. You might feel sadness as a tight feeling in your chest, or fear as your stomach muscles cramping up, or a fluttering feeling in your stomach, a difficulty in breathing. It is a good thing to become conscious and aquainted with how our bodies react and what they are telling us.

4) Transparency is the other essential component of the Microscopic Truth; this means revealing ALL of it. Not just part of what you are feeling.

This is where you become vulnerable and tell parts of the truth that you don’t usually tell.

It might be easy to express that you are angry, but much more difficult to express that you are angry because you fear being abandoned. Go even deeper and express even more; your angry reaction was the top of the iceberg that covered a feeling of being abandoned because you have been feeling worthless and ugly of late.

This is where you leave your ego behind and reveal yourself in your naked truth. We don’t usually do this because of fear of giving our power away, or embarrassment, or pride…ego.

Telling your partner (or anyone else) the full transparent truth about what you physically, mentally, and emotionally experience can be a profoundly healing event precisely because you are being vulnerable. You are not covering things up, letting things accumulate. You are feeling and ‘freeing’  your inner self. You are sharing your inner events exactly as they are being felt by you in all their depth.

Our experience has been that living by the Microscopic Truth is not always easy. Matt and I certainly trip up and fall. Sometimes it’s difficult to remember to speak it right away, sometimes it’s difficult not to blame or make excuses, sometimes it’s hard to be so vulnerable, at other times it’s hard to let go of ego.

But it’s always worth it.

Being as open and honest as we possibly can be has taught Matt and I much about ourselves and each other. It takes courage to grow and face oneself and the world with the highest truth in heart, mind and word.

We will keep learning to live by the Microscopic truth, continue to grow and hopefully become artists and masters of our truths.

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Click here to head on over to The Art of Creative Relationship for more great stuff.

Claudia

http://www.creativerelationship.com