The ways in which people are dating and relating are changing.  No surprise right?  You are all being called to keep it “real” and stop wearing those masks you wear to disguise yourself from your partners, friends, co-workers and family!  You know which ones I’m referring to here – the “I am such a perfect person” mask, or the “I’m the bad boy or girl you desire” mask, or the “I am this or have that” mask because “I don’t want you to see my pain or be vulnerable with anyone including myself” mask. You have probably been feeling the difference in your own relationships for some time now.   As you all are being called to live more in spirit and attract people from your souls, your current relationships including what you desire from these relationships and any new ones are transforming.

Do you understand why you have attracted certain people to you?  The Law of Attraction states – like attracts like.  People are your mirrors to who you are and always will be.  You can only attract what you think and feel about yourself.  The only difference is that now you are no longer being satiated with the idea of having someone in your lives to complete you.  You want something more because you know deep down inside that you are already complete and whole.  This is your soul calling you.  You have out lived the so-called my other or better “half” theory.

Your heart’s longing for each and all of your relationships are more about true heart and soul connections.  You want to connect in a way with people that allows you to be who you really are and vice versa.  Your hearts long to see and really be seen for your truth.  For some time, you unconsciously related focusing more on an ego connection – attracting people from your pain body instead of your soul.  In other words, what dominated your beliefs and thoughts about attracting a partner was – does he/she have:

1)    Money, car, house, other material items (in order to take care of me)
2)    A great body and looks (so I will look good to others)
3)    What it takes to make me feel safe (will he/she protect me from my enemies)
4)    Power or fame (to help me achieve some type social status),
5)    Time to devote entirely to my life and needs (to make me feel important since I don’t believe it), etc.

This list can go on and on.  However, when you attract from your ego or pain body, you are seeking for the other person to fill you in some way. You want the other person to make you feel better about yourself.  You want the other person to take care of you in the ways in which your parents didn’t or couldn’t take care of you.  You want your partners to take all of your pain away and take care of you, and all of your needs.  And what you have learned is that you feel unsatisfied, disappointed and downright angry at the discovery that your partners can’t take your pain away or care for you the way you want them to.  You may have also found that what you were attracted to and desired in a partner in the past just isn’t cutting it anymore.

But this is not meant to judge you in anyway.  There was a purpose for these relationships and still is if you are currently in an ego connected relationship.  While you attracted from your pain body, your soul was ever present even though you may have been unconscious to it.  Your soul and your spirit guides were allowing the space in order for you to see for yourself what you were doing to you.  This was done in an attempt for you to learn about yourself and how you have been covered with layers of dirt.  This is dirt that can be cleaned away.

Even though you may have partnered with someone through your ego this is not to say that you cannot have a deep connection with this person.  Yes absolutely you can and part of this deep connection is your souls’ contract to help the both of you to come to a place where you are growing, healing and learning to live out your soul’s truth.  In fact, the majority of time you partnered with someone through your pain body in an attempt to see it and heal it. You were attracting your past programmed beliefs and experiences.

For example – if you partnered with someone who is selfish, this has shown up for the two of you to heal and grow.  If the two of you are willing to give each other the space to heal and grow you will see the lessons your spirits are trying to teach you about selfishness.  There are two sides to this shadow.  It can show up within you as exactly as being selfish or a martyr.  In other words, are you in anyway a selfish person? Someone who only thinks about him self and the world only revolves around you?  Or are you the other side of this shadow, the martyr who is constantly putting others before you and your needs?  Both sides of this shadow are just two extremes of the same issue – lack of balance in a relationship.  And in either case, you were attracting a “selfish” person because you were vibrating on this frequency yourself and it needs to be seen and healed.  The place of balance in this example is where both people’s thoughts and feelings are equally important.  This is the space where you learn to value yourself (if you exhibit martyr tendencies) or you learn to value the other person (if you exhibit selfish tendencies).

Spirit will use each and every single relationship to help you to discover your soul’s truth even if this relationship was attracted from the pain body.  And it could be part of both of your truths to help each other reach your soul’s destiny.  However, most of the time you are clouded by your or the other person’s egos agendas and completely disconnect from your soul’s journey.   Some get stuck here in the place where you don’t want to change you – you are just so focused on the other person changing.  But the truth is, as you already know, you can’t make anyone change.  You have the power to only change yourself.

But you all fear change.  Why?  Because you love to be comfortable even though your current comfortable is completely uncomfortable.   You don’t want to take responsibility for yourself because it is so much easier to blame the other person for your uncomfortable-ness.  Your egos want you to believe that it is the other person’s responsibility to change because it takes effort to be different and to live a different lifestyle – one that is lead by the soul.  Being in a space of transformation is also the place of the unknown and you fear the unknown because your egos believe that this is a place of pain.

Some people’s egos will go so far as to say – “I already know this place where I am and I don’t know the other place so why change?” Or even “it can’t get any worse than this so I am not going to change.”  Well yes it can become worse when you are ignoring your soul’s truth.  It will become so uncomfortable for you it will be hard for you to continue to ignore your soul.  There is also a belief that what your soul wants is for you to be in pain, poor, over worked, etc.  Or that in order for you to connect more deeply to your souls’ you must suffer and go through more intense pain.  Pain and suffering are present when you are in resistance to your experience and not allowing yourself to fully appreciate the learning and growth your soul is connecting with.  The pain and fear comes when you are resisting your soul’s truth.   And to live your soul’s truth you must be willing to lead by your soul and not your egos and this requires change.

For too long, it has been believed that to be in spirit or be spiritual means to be in a space of lack.  If this is a practice used to help you to connect closer to your soul instead of connecting to your ego then it is appreciated.  However, if this belief is used by your ego to judge you and keep you from fulfilling a life of abundance then there is some exploring you need to do within yourself.  You need to explore your beliefs, thoughts and feelings towards being a creator.  Because if you believe that someone else is responsible for your happiness, that someone else is the creator of your life and your destiny then you are believing that what ever good or bad comes your way is all because of someone else and you are just a puppet of their show.  If this is what you choose to believe then it is your choice to live your life in this way and in deed whether you believe it or not you have created your life the way you believe it to be.

The truth is all your soul really wants is to love, to be abundant, to feel true peace, etc. and to filter your lives through your hearts.  Your soul’s desire for you is to feel safe, secure, loved and whole.  Your soul uses all experiences to grow regardless if they are painful or joyful.  It doesn’t seek out pain.  Once you step up into your spiritual core all of your soul needs will come first.  Your soul will not allow something to happen to you if it isn’t meant to happen or if it will not connect you more deeply to yourself.  So there is no need to fear what your soul desires especially if it is about changing your current circumstance to align you more deeply to your true essence.  Changing yourself is about listening and trusting your intuition and living out your soul’s truth.   You are here to learn how to love, to open your heart and connect in a true intimate way.

Are you a spiritual gangster?  Do you want to connect with your soul and that of another in a real way? The new template for relating is based on this basic notion – you CHOOSE the people you want to love.  Yes you read it correctly – it is your choice.  For some time there was a belief floating around that you don’t get to choose whom you love.  Well this belief came from a pain body, yes someone’s shadow side.  It is a belief based on the notion that you are not the masters of your lives and all of what you experience is because of someone else.  Someone else is in the driver seat.  Someone else creates your happiness and pain.  In this belief – you are literally giving your power away.  While you may have certain soul contracts with people, this does not mean that you cannot change it by choosing to experience something different.  This is your life your journey and you have the power to change what you are experiencing at any given moment just by changing your beliefs and thoughts.

It is your choice to break free from the beliefs that chain you to feeling powerless.  You can choose someone to love from your soul.  What is your destiny?  Your destiny is to discover the divine in someone else and for the other person to discover the divine within you.  And it is your choice to live out this destiny or to go down a path of limitlessness.  You have a purpose in your life.  This purpose is to discover how you want to connect with people, which really is, how do you want to connect with yourself.  Do you want to see and be seen for who you really are?  Do you want to see the other person for who they really are?  The first step is to become conscious of how you want to love and be loved.  Every relationship you are in is part of your evolution.  As the relationship changes, you shift and evolve into who you are – if you are choosing to see the truth and realness of you.

Relationships aren’t here to make you happy.  Yes happiness is part of it but the partnership is not exclusively to make you happy.  Relationships are here to help you to grow and teach you how to love.  It will teach you about true intimacy and vulnerability if it is your Choice to experience it.  In a true intimacy relationship model, your soul will lead you to be in relationship where you are looking at your pain or shadow but from a space of healing and growth.  In this type of relationship, your partner expands you into the real expression of yourself and that is love.  In a true intimacy relationship model, your partner shows you how to love unconditionally.  This is someone who sees your pain body for what it is and doesn’t run away.  This person gives you the opportunity to see this within yourself and heal it and you give your partner the very same gift.  You don’t have to like the other person’s shadow and they don’t have to like yours but you give each other the space for healing and growth.

The person who can see you at your worst and still love you is a keeper.  This is not say you should stay with someone who is abusing you.  This is not acceptable and a deal breaker.  A deal breaker is when you and/or your values are violated.  The divine doesn’t promote the notion of you being violated in any way. In this circumstance, you are each vibrating on a different frequency and are unable to reach a place of seeing each other eye to eye.  This is a space where there is no balance or compromise in the ways you agree to disagree, or you completely disagree in the ways you choose to relate to one another.

A true intimacy relationship model means that if you get cranky, scared or even jealous sometimes, etc. your partner is there to unconditionally love you. Unconditional love is the capacity to stay and be in the relationship when you see someone’s shadow come out.  You hold the space to say this is coming from your fear and I’m going to hold you accountable to healing and learning from this.  They love you and don’t abandon you.  You allow the space for your partner to have bad and good days.  You also hold yourself accountable to healing and learning from this too.  Because relationships are mirrors you have some part of the person’s shadow but it is up to you to discover your soul’s lesson.  It might not be clear at first but if you are conscious to the fact that all relationships are mirrors and here to teach you something about you then you will discover the lesson hidden behind the other person’s shadow.

In this soul relationship, you hold the space for shifts within each of you and above all else you hold the space of compassion.  This is true intimacy.  It is not the space where you say to yourself my partner is having a bad day and this is messing up my day so screw him/her.  A true soul relationship creates space for healing and growth where your partner empowers you to grow in a loving, caring and gentle way and vice versa.  The relationship allows you the opportunity to connect more deeply with yourself and when you can connect more intimately with yourself you can connect more intimately with others. This is the dance of a true soul relationship model.  Are you ready and willing to dance?  You are so loved so love yourself just as much!

Love Yourself! Weekly Assignment
Journal about the following:
1)    Are you looking for your partner to fill or complete you in any way with money, good looks, power, etc.?
2)    Do you spend your time blaming or trying to fix or change your partner?
3)    What shadow or pain body issues keep arising in your relationship?
4)    Do you and your partner recognize the shadow/pain body issues the two of you mirror to each other?
5)    Do you compassionately allow the space for your partner to heal and grow and take responsibility for themselves?
6)    Does your partner compassionately allow the space for you to heal and grow and take responsibility for yourself?
7)    Do you and/or your partner take responsibility for yourselves, actions and behaviors?
   Are you and your partner learning from each other?
9)    Are the two of you learning how to love more deeply and unconditionally?
10)    What is your relationship teaching you about you?

Would you like help attracting a soul relationship or transforming your existing relationship into one? Contact me at 201-253-9566, befree@trinitynieves.com or www.trinitynieves.com to learn how you can do it.

Forgiveness is a choice, an internal process. Forgiveness is a gift you receive because you have chosen to focus on other goals in your life, such as – better relationships, great health, a positive self-esteem, self-discovery, etc. Once you are done with that painful road of un-forgiveness you will make your way to the healing process and this is where you find love and inner peace. Forgiveness means:

Accepting what happened,

• Letting go of your negatively charged energy so that you stop attracting undesired experiences into our life again and again,
• Changing your perception and shifting your paradigm, and
• Removing the toxic influences in your life and flushing out the toxins from your mind, body and soul.

I use to find it very difficult to forgive. I believed, as most believe, that if I forgive I am condoning, tolerating and even trusting my trespasser. I felt this would make me susceptible to more abuse. What I have learned is that forgiveness is about freeing myself from the jail of my own mind and even my own heart. Because I had even built a prison around my heart – no one could get in and I surely did not allow myself to get out.

I tortured myself for days on end repeating the same madness of my abuse over and over again in my head. The anger growing inside me with each passing year until I created the most perfect physical ailment ever from all the repressed feeling I had in my body. I also attracted a relationship that would mirror to me what I thought about the most. It was in that perfect space when I could not escape what was inescapable (myself) that I sought spiritual guidance to help me travel through my healing journey. It was here that I found my self, my truth, my light, my love and my all. It was here that I was able to let go, let the Divine and Be Free to LOVE.

Are you holding on to pain or something that once hurt you? Here is a brief quiz to help you evaluate yourself.

Holding on to Pain Quiz

1. Can you list the ways your life would be better if only something that happened in the past had never happened at all?
2. Do you hold grudges and harbor resentful feelings towards your parents, sibling or anyone else?
3. Did you swear you would treat your children differently from the way you were treated as a child only to find yourself repeating the cycle?
4. Do you frequently feel empty inside and perhaps try to fill yourself with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work, etc.?
5. Do you feel like you are reenacting your past through your intimate relationships?
6. Do you just get by at work or are you jobless with no career direction?
7. Are you riddled with dis-ease?
8. Do you feel lonely and not whole?

If you answered yes to any of these questions chances are you are still hanging on to pain – to something that once hurt you. You are holding onto it like a badge on your chest and it is keeping you from having what you truly desire. Isn’t it time you put down the pain and get on with you life? P.S. – Your life is waiting for you.

If you feel you are ready to get on and believe in life then you are ready to move along your healing journey and forgive. The following are seven key steps to forgiveness:

You have a strong desire to change yourself and your life. You begin to notice that things may not be working out like you imagined when you were a child. You may have a physical manifestation of the pain in your life, like a dis-ease, and you want to heal yourself.

Get support from a friend, family member, spiritual mentor, life coach or counselor. Talk to someone you trust, who will listen to you tell your story. Someone who will validate your feelings.

Allow yourself to feel angry – this may be the hardest step for some. Most people feel guilty and shameful for being angry. If it helps stand up right with eyes close and say out loud “NO“ with as much power and passion as possible.

Really examine your life. Sometimes in the process of forgiving one person you realize there were many times in which you were hurt because you attracted similar situations and types of people through out your life. You need to go to the original source of the hurt.

Allow your self to go with the flow of the process and accept that it is an ongoing healing journey. Be easy on you and do not expect yourself to wake up one morning and say I will forgive today and for it to happen. Or in your 5-year plan that you will forgive on the 15th of May.

Forgive yourself. You may be blaming yourself for aspects of the incident. An important part of forgiving is freeing yourself from destructive thinking as soon as possible. Intentionally direct your thoughts toward your desires – the life your heart wants you to live.

You surrender to learning the lesson your soul incarnated to learn. It is here where the Divine’s love is felt, embraced and you receive the gift. This is where perception shifts in such a way that instead of seeing the situation as a tragedy, you are willing to see the experience as being absolutely perfect for your growth.

Forgiveness is a sign of a positive self-esteem. It is something you do for you. When you make the decision to forgive, you open yourself to true unconditional love – not only of others but also for yourself.

You are so loved so love yourself just as much.

If you are anything like me then you have spent your life trying to get people to love you or finding someone to love.  You were hard wired at a very early age to believe that being alone is terrible, and that perfect love exists ONLY outside of you and perhaps even out of this world.  The search for love becomes your destiny and as you search for this “perfect” love, you experience various ideas of what others believe about it.  These experiences cause imprints in your mind and body of thoughts and feelings of unworthiness, lack and loneliness.   Then you do absolutely anything to fight these thoughts and feelings by distracting your mind, over indulging your body and pretending that the pain you feel really does not exist.  You enter into relationships hoping to be rescued.  You say to yourself… this it, this is the one who will save me from what I am feeling lonely, separate, sad, unworthy, rejected, abandoned, etc…. only to find yourself still searching for love while in relationship.

So how can you be alone and in love? There is no such thing!  Yes you read it right; there is no such thing as being alone and in love.  The truth is – you are never ever alone because wherever you are, you is right there with you.  You might be saying to yourself – yup I’ve read this type of mumbo jumbo before and I don’t buy it.  Well, you don’t have to buy into anything.  The truth is truth.  If you can’t be alone with you and in love with yourself well how can you expect anyone else to love you the way you desire?  And if this is hitting a nerve it’s because it is meant to.  You are being called to wake up to the truth.  Being in love with you is about knowing all of you and accepting yourself unconditionally.  It is about allowing you to be you with all of your perfections and perfect imperfections.  And until you can be in love with you no other love will satisfy you or your search for love.

The “love” that you substitute for the love of yourself will satisfy the desperation, the loneliness and the emptiness but only temporarily.  Until, one day you find yourself looking at yourself in the mirror wondering “why am I in this relationship? I feel so alone!” This is because the “love” you substituted for the love of yourself had an agenda, a condition or even an attachment to the love you were giving and receiving.  In order for you to give up that agenda, condition and attachment you have towards love you must be willing to unconditionally love yourself first.  The point is if you are giving and loving yourself completely then you don’t seek outside of yourself for any fillings.

You often use logic and reason to solve your problems with love.  You move along in your life doing everything with the status quo by using fillings that only temporarily ease your pain. These fillings are just ways to avoid yourself.  Has it worked for you so far?  Why not try something different?  Stop ignoring yourself and your own heart. Take a chance and do something different, daring and unheard of.  Find yourself and the love you desire through solitude.  Spending time alone with you will help you develop your own personality and beliefs, establish a stronger sense of self, and find your own individual style.  The time you take alone will help you to discover who you really are and not the person your family, friends, partner, etc. want or have tried to mold you to be.  You will then feel less desperate to immediately attach yourself to someone or something in an attempt to avoid yourself.

Why don’t you feel in love with yourself?  There could be many reasons for it – childhood experiences, relationship issues, etc.  While it is helpful to understand the root of your disconnection to self, your job is to learn how to love you and practice it each day.  No one can do this for you.  Someone can help you achieve this state but to remain in love with you is ultimately your job.  If you wait around for someone to come along and do it for you, you might be waiting a long time.  It starts with you loving you.  Apply today, I guarantee you will not only get the job but it will be the best job of your life!

You are so loved so love yourself just as much!!!

Is your love of power undermining the power of your love?

I heard a lecture this weekend by author Diana Butler Bass who is a scholar specializing in American religion and culture.  She talked about how the Christian church has often been so caught up in the love of power that it forgot about the power of love.  Whether is was the crusades in the 12th century or current concerns about the religious right or creeping secularism, a militant response seeks to gain power and control over others.  The power of love to change the world and transform lives is lost in the process.

I couldn’t help but think about power dynamics in relationships.  Many times, especially early in marriage we struggle for power and control.  Not that it is always intentional or conscious; rather it springs from our internal sensitivities.  We have ingrained ideas about how things are supposed to work in relationships and feel defensive when our partner challenges those ideas.  We find ourselves fighting over things like how we handle money or every day issues like who cleans the litter box.  The issues themselves often are trivial but they are connected to strong feelings and deeper agendas.  Our responses are often militant in that we insist on our own way at the expense of the other’s sense of well being.

Breaking power struggles is possible, even easy, when we shift focus from the love of power to the power of love.  In love we can learn to honor our self and our partner by speaking the truth about what we are really thinking and feeling.  For example, “it’s important to me that we save more money because I’m afraid that if we don’t we’ll end up struggling in retirement just like my parents did”.  This at least puts real information on the table and opens the door to talking about each person’s hopes, dreams, fears, and way of thinking.  Love does not insist on its own way but seeks to find solutions that work for the best of all, which cannot happen if you make it about who has power

When you find yourself in the grips of a power struggle consider these questions:

•    What am I really feeling right now?
•    Why is this issue so important to me?
•    Why is it so important to my partner?
•    In the big picture, what’s really important?
•    What do I need to learn from this situation?
•    How can I make this about love rather than power?

After all that you may be tired so go ahead and take a power nap.  You deserve it!

Get instant access to the map that shows you how to get from where you are to where you want to be in your marriage. Complimentary video at  Dynamic Marriage Map

Shift of the Ages

On the Great Seal of the United States of America, an Eagle clutches 13 arrows in its claws to symbolize the Authentic Power of UNITY. It is far more difficult to break 13 arrows together, than it is to break a single arrow. Flash forward to this natural and rare Shift of the Ages, prophesized long ago by indigenous cultures that Earth, our Sun and humanity are now passing through.

Albert Einstein revealed that, problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness or thinking that influenced those problems. Today, Institute of Heart Math research reveals that, the electro-magnetic field generated by heart, is 5,000 times stronger than the field generated by brain. Einstein, leading edge physics, science, indigenous knowledge, deep spiritual truth and experience beyond a conditioned mind all appear to signal that: 

During this natural and rare Shift of the Ages, like caterpillar in a chrysalis, inauthentic Old World Age systems are naturally in decay. To pass through this Shift with least resistance, stress, fear, requires humanity to Shift anti love choices and illusions that we are separate and powerless, into heart aware UNITY, compassion and cooperation; the only Authentic Power to influence Authentic SOULutions. For a greater destiny, align BodyMindSoul as one with all life. We ARE the ONE we are waiting for, to unite harmoniously with the nonmaterial realm of Authentic Love and Truth, to emerge victoriously in a New World Age. 

This Shift of the Ages is not a dress rehearsal and there are no bystanders now. Before birth in this physical world, our multi-dimensional Soul agreed to awaken BodyMindSoul as ONE, never attempted before, to consciously end millennia of anti love choices and spark a greater destiny. If you are unsure about your purpose on Earth, ask your heart, which knows only Authentic Truth, if you, as Authentic Love, are here now to influence a smooth and victorious Shift into a New World Age. 

Your BodyMindSoul is one with Earth, all Kingdoms and Infinite Light, described scientifically as Fundamental Electromagnetic Quantum Energy and spiritually as Authentic or Unconditional Love; also referred to as Spirit, God, The Universe, Life or other Name. Every BodyMindSoul is born magnificent, conditioned into mediocrity and called now, to awaken beyond illusions of separation, fear, powerlessness and the dream about what you are not, to be the magnificent Authentic Love you naturally are, and to choose a greater destiny for Earth and all life.

As this Shift advances time compresses into only now, which means every response, love or anti love, acts like a boomerang. When we are willing to explore escalating discord and instability another way and unite in our hearts, we influence the flow of Authentic SOULutions. A conditioned mind, which focuses only on a painful past or worrisome future, is limited. Heart aware inner truth lives only in the present and is limitless. In 2007, instead of prescribed radiation and chemotherapy, I embraced Light of BodyMindSoul and cancer as one and my biology was victoriously restored.

Anyone or thing that adversely affects humans, life or Earth, is out of alignment with a New World Age and no longer permitted. The Gulf of Mexico oil leak is a cosmic wake-up call, to END oil addiction and find clean energy SOULutions.  

The iconic status of oil and influence on wealth, power, war and destruction is in decay like caterpillar in a chrysalis; the fate of inauthentic systems globally. This means, Authentic Truth can no longer be withheld, distorted, buried or denied. As collusion, perpetrations against humanity, mis-use of power or money and contrived divisiveness surface to be cleansed, see through the eyes of your heart. This is no longer about us versus them; it is about UNITY, releasing attachment to an Old World Age in decay and with unwavering FOCUS, align your attention and intention with a greater destiny. 

I interpret volumes of gushing oil in the Gulf of Mexico reflects volumes of gushing human anti love beliefs, emotions, actions and thoughts, fear, anger, divisiveness and powerlessness. To end the flow of oil in our outer world requires a critical mass of humans to end the flow of anti love in our BodyMindSoul inner world. Anti love choices delay Authentic SOULutions and a greater destiny. 

The more that mainstream media and humanity focus on anti love judgment, criticism, blame and shame, whether it’s against British Petroleum, the oil industry, President Barack Obama, ourselves, each other or anyone else, the more WE influence environmental, financial and other discord and  instability, until we unite in our hearts and FOCUS only on a greater destiny.  

• A NEW view of the end of the Mayan Calendar Dec 21, 2012 with Joseph R. Giove, Executive Director of Common Passion and Executive Producer of the Shift of the Ages, a film project underway with Grand Elder of the Maya, Don Alejandro Cirilo Oxlaj. Giove, Dr. Carl Calleman and others call for individuals and organizations to set the intention for unity consciousness in the period leading to December 2012. 
   
• You can listen to an interview with Giove at http://www.vimeo.com/doreenagostino Please participate in the Conscious Convergence Wave of Unity July 17, 18, 2010 and invite others. This event is a call to action for unity consciousness to be expressed throughout the world; a deliberate, collective intention and action by all people who choose to participate. Details at http://www.commonpassion.org
• 2012 Fresh Perspective, free resources, list of UNIversal Events at http://www.freetobewealthy.net and Heart aware commUNITY support at http://www.alignshineprosper.com 

Please share this message with others. Your intention and action to share new awareness to influence our greater destiny, allows more Infinite Light to flow into our world with Authentic SOULutions, as we journey into the heart of a New World Age.

Doreen Agostino
Choose A Greater Destiny
http://freetobewealthy.net
http://alignshineprosper.com
http://twitter.com/rawtruth

Many loving, caring people find themselves drawn to a person who needs love desperately but is so scared of love that they engage in a push/pull situation that wreaks havoc on the mind, and heart. One minute, the person shares how much they admire and want you (pulling you toward them), and the next they are pulling away, physically or emotionally (pushing you away). When you decide you’ve had enough and pull away, they come back with a hook that pulls you back in.

When something doesn’t feel good in a relationship, it may be a sign of toxicity. And if left ignored, that toxicity can eat away at you, weakening your vitality and distracting you from moving forward and getting what you really want. No mind games can be played when you know where the heart stands.

What I’ve seen in my own life and in my healing practice: a major reason for toxicity in a relationship is when people don’t communicate from the heart. This leads to not being honest with yourself, or the ability to be honest with someone else. It also opens the door for defenses like denial to shut out love. People communicate from ego defenses all of the time. When words don’t come from a compassionate heart, there will be mind games because that’s how the mind works. It’s like a circus in there. We play games with ourselves. The mind can create confusion and illusions. It pulls files from the past and throws them into the present, often unconsciously. When people say hurtful, insensitive things, it isn’t coming from their heart. It’s coming from a fearful mind that has experienced pain and now is scared to death to trust again. When people have difficulty committing, they have been hurt by someone who either promised to love them (a partner) or was expected to love them (a parent). They allowed themselves to believe, to trust, and to be vulnerable at some point. They gave love straight from the heart. And they paid a painful price for it, as their mind registered it. So the logical conclusion, according to the mind, is to be very wary, very skeptical, very distrusting and above all guard the heart to avoid that pain at all costs.

The irony is the more sensitive the person, the more love they have to give, but when a sensitive person gets badly hurt, they may withdraw and protect their heart to the extent that they will appear to have nothing to give. This is because the wall they constructed to block love from coming in and going out is depleting their reserves. If they do give, it may be robotic, not coming from the heart but from the mind that says, this is customary to receive the response I want from this person. Often, hurt people will manipulate in relationships, not even realizing they’re doing it. They often try to get what they want, love and acceptance, in a roundabout, complicated way.

If you’ve been hurt, use that experience to understand yourself. Figure out how to learn and grow and create the kind of relationship you want. If you don’t extract the wisdom from the situation, you may remain in a pattern of isolation, never feeling you truly connect to anyone. Or if you are so lucky to ever connect with someone you feel gets you, finding a reason to cut it off when it gets too uncomfortably intimate for you. If in a relationship with a hurt person, often their reasons to not get closer seem silly or random. They may also turn critical and lose interest once they discover you are human, and you have imperfections. They are so afraid that if their own flaws are discovered they will be painfully rejected or humiliated – unlovable.

If you have ever given love and felt it didn’t give back to you, don’t hold onto it. All you do by holding on to it is allow that person/situation to continue to cut you off from experiencing love. Don’t give anyone that power. Love is the greatest source of power there is, you can create miracles with your love. Know that giving love is never wasted. Giving love is a charitable act. If you expect to get something back in return every time you give love, then you are giving with conditions. No one feels good when given love like that.

I’m not recommending you go out and give love freely and then feel all burnt out and resentful because you’re not receiving anything in return. There must be a balance. So think of it this way: you will have relationships where there will be a beautiful exchange of love, and others where you have served as a healer, giving to someone in need of unconditional love. Feel good about giving, you get what love is all about. Discover the gift you’ve received from the situation. Everyone gives us an opportunity to learn and heal a part of ourselves, what gift have you received? How can you use it to better yourself, and be a better person to others? Love always gives back, just not always in the way we may want or expect. But it always gives us opportunity.

©2010 Lauralyn Harter

www.heavenhealingarts.com