I’d rather be a detachment diva than a drama queen. But how do you break the cycle of stressful thinking that leads to unhealthy bouts of drama in your life? Practicing non-attachment is a method that the ancient yogis and Buddha suggested to decrease suffering and remain centered in truth. Wikipedia provides this simple definition:
Detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective.
Detachment doesn’t mean that you close your heart to a situation, instead you open your heart to yourself and all involved. Detachment doesn’t mean that you tune out, it means that you refuse to attach yourself to emotional drama that distorts your thinking and throws you off balance. Detachment doesn’t mean that you stop caring, it means that you care without expectation or the need to control. This is a higher state of being that could result in less suffering and more feelings of peaceful well-being. I’ll give you an example.
Last weekend, I was feeling particularly sensitive. Maybe it was the result of too much work and not enough rest. Maybe it was because I was feeling challenged by the military life I’m currently experiencing. Maybe my body was experiencing hormonal shifts. Whatever the reason, I was walking a path with my partner and I began to feel a prickliness in my body as he spoke. Then I became aware of my thoughts. I realized that I was taking everything he was saying personally, even though in truth he wasn’t taking any jabs at me. And yet every time he said something, my brain was translating it to mean something else aimed directly at me. I started my own dialogue in my head:
“You’re making it all about you. Give him space to talk and share what’s on his mind. Detach from analyzing or translating it. You’re not in his head. Just give him space to share how he feels without making it about you. It’s not about you.”
How often do we truly listen to what someone has to say without somehow making it about us? It’s a skill to “hold space” for someone to talk and share freely. When someone shares, it’s coming from their experience. The only way we could experience hurt or guilt is if we take on their experience as our own. It’s an act of love to allow someone to have the floor and share from the heart and for you to witness their feelings while avoiding attaching your own emotions to them. Is this a challenge? Absolutely. Is it possible? Absolutely.
But like any skill, it takes practice. It begins with noticing your physical and emotional reactions to things around you. If you feel a change in your body and find your mind offering a translation that is creating stress for you, stop. Wake yourself up for a moment and become the observer of yourself. You can change your thoughts, which will change your experience and the reality of the situation. Try to connect with how you’re really feeling in the defensive moment. Are you feeling tired? Overwhelmed? Stressed? Give yourself some compassion and find ways to meet your needs or share your needs with others so you can shift out of that state of being. Is there a history of stress with this person? If so remind your brain that you’re in the present moment, let go of the past. Taking a step back, holding space for others and depersonalizing things are healthy ways to detach from drama and maintain steady, grounded and even keel with your presence in the world. This soulful practice can enhance the quality of your relationships by allowing you to experience love in it’s highest form.
I love the concept of mantras: our words are powerful and that by repeating positive or holy words the resonance can affect our own frequency and raise it to a higher state of being. Yoga mantras are in Sankrit, a challenging language that has pronunciations like this: Om Guhm Guh-nuh-puh-tuh-yeaNah-mah-hah. I’m an American girl. I have an appreciation and respect for various languages. But this….well, this language is as foreign to me in tongue as it is to my spirit. I simply don’t feel a twitch in my spirit when I repeat the words.
I believe for our words to be powerful, we must also resonate with them in our mind. They have to be the key that fits the lock to our hearts and souls. So if you’re not feeling “OM” is opening your heart, then try something else. There is no right or wrong way. There’s only your own truth that matters.
There are some Christian prayers that serve well as my mantras because I can feel them opening my heart. The prayer of St. Francis, the Lord’s Prayer and the serenity prayer boost my spiritual energy. I also love Buddha’s Metta (lovingkindness) meditation: May I be safe and protected. May I be peaceful and happy. May I be healthy and strong. May I have ease of well-being (and accept all the conditions of the world). And the Reiki ideals: Just for today, do not worry. Do not get angry. Have gratitude, give thanks. Be honest in your work. Be kind to others.
Positive affirmations are mantras. I love discovering a positive affirmation that changes a belief that’s no longer serving me. Such as, “I allow love and grace to flow throughout my life and touch every facet of my being.” Repeating such a phrase uplifts your mind and spirit and can put your body at ease.
To create your own mantra think about words that open your heart. What words bring you a sense of peace? What words make you feel happy? What words inspire you? What words feel healing? Your mantra may be repeating the word, “peace” over and over as you inhale and exhale. Your mantra may be repeating a prayer that you learned as a child that still holds heartfelt meaning and inspiration to you. Your mantra may be a positive thought that you repeat as you breathe in and out, asking that this thought resonate in each cell in your body, and deep within your heart.
My mantra creates my reality. My prayer asks God for help with it. See how you can use a mantra to open your heart and experience peace right where you are, right now.
Yoga encourages everyone's inner soldier to overcome challenges in life.
The daughter of an Army Captain and Vietnam war hero (my father received a Bronze Star for his active duty service), I was raised with military philosophy. My boyfriend is an Army Captain and I teach yoga to the troops at Fort Bragg, so I’ve been even more immersed in military life. In my practice and teaching of yoga and my experience with the Army, one thing has become clear: many of the philosophies are similar. It may just be why soldiers and yoga make such a good fit. Yoga enhances that part of the soldier’s innate personality that strives to master, and offers empowering mind/body exercises that nurture inner strength and discipline. The added perk of yoga is it helps soldiers release the mental, emotional and physical stress that comes with one of the most stressful jobs there is.
1. Strength. Both Army and yoga beliefs encourage you to be the best you could be. Yoga also encourages one to learn how to just be. It takes just as much strength if not more to stop doing and let go as it does to engage your energy with force. It also takes strength to find peace with where you’re at, who you are and what you’ve been called to do in this life. Most of us will have regrets at some point in our lives. Yoga helps us learn how to let go of regret when we accept the wisdom we’ve gained from the experience. It can also inspire us with understanding how we can a turn negative into a positive, usually by way of making a difference.
2. Resilience. The Army calls it “sucking it up.” Yoga calls it “non-attachment.” Both beliefs strive toward avoiding excuses to get caught up in the drama of suffering. Yoga’s non-attachment practice asks you to be the observer of your emotions as opposed to allowing your feelings to overwhelm you and throw you off balance. Holding asanas for long periods can sometimes feel challenging, but the yogi is asked not to give up. Instead, work through the mental, emotional and physical challenge and it can result in feeling more strength and confidence on deeper levels.
3. Discipline.Physical discipline: “Move with purpose” is a military saying, meaning make yourself useful. Don’t get idle, lazy or stagnant. Soldiers are routinely given physical fitness tests they must pass as part of their military contract, so you will often see soldiers working out. Physical fitness is an important part of military life, regardless of which unit you’re in.
Yoga is moving with purpose. The body, emotions and thoughts are monitored with self-awareness to help guide you and foster meaning in your life. Yoga encourages you to avoid stagnancy. The physical yoga exercises are only one part of the yoga discipline, and an important one not just for physical health, but mental and emotional as well. Each asana has an effect on the body, mind and spirit. Some days the yogi may not feel up to practicing an asana, but with discipline, yogi’s know that practicing this “movement with purpose” instills them with a sense of inner strength, health, ease and balance that will serve them throughout the day.
Mental/emotional discipline is practiced in boot camp. Drill Instructors will test a solder’s mental strength by temping him or her to fly off the handle and react to their verbal taunts. Yoga encourages the student to use self-awareness, breath and non-attachment to refrain from over-reacting to outer challenges and relying on inner resources to help you stay calm, cool and collected.
Self-discipline is a huge factor in the practice of yoga. One must have discipline to practice the asanas, the breath and to use the philosophy to better themselves in daily life. Many of us will fall out of our routine in moments of stress or busyness and return to our practice once things have settled down. The challenge is always to remain faithfully committed to our practice no matter what’s happening around us. This commitment to self-discipline is what helps yogi’s take their practice deeper and receive long-term benefits. Yogi’s believe in using your energy wisely, in productive ways.
4. Bravery. You have to be brave to be a soldier. To get through boot camp, away from loved ones, being tested to your mental, emotional and physical limits, sacrificing your freedom of where you’d like to live, when you could get away and how you could run your schedule takes courage. Soldiers give up a lot of freedoms to serve, and some give up their lives. Every soldier knows once they join, there is always the possibility that they may be sent to war and not come home.
Yoga asks us to be willing to let go of things that no longer serve us. And to push past self-imposing limits so we can be all that we can be. There are yoga poses that you may feel scared of trying. Sometimes trying those poses can liberate you from deeper fears. Meditation can be scary to some. Sitting alone with your feelings takes courage. Admitting you’re not perfect takes courage. Committing to the higher ideals of a yoga lifestyle that include taking responsibility for yourself and honoring the divine in others, not over-reacting to life, being kind, compassionate and respectful – these ideals take bravery in a world that often worships violence, hatred and drama. A soldier must act in defense of his life and to protect others, but that doesn’t mean that he subscribes to a violent state of mind. I’ve met many kind, giving, bighearted soldiers who are struggling with the fact that they had to commit acts of violence because it doesn’t feel right to them. Their act of bravery now is to forgive themselves, to feel liberated from the past and accept the wisdom gained, which is freedom. Acceptance leads to peace.
Yoga is a holistic approach to life which takes courage. It’s a brave act to change one’s diet, to sacrifice things that bring you instant pleasure but are unhealthy. Both the Army and yoga ask us to sacrifice something for freedom. Yoga asks us if we’re brave and willing enough to sacrifice an attachment to material illusions for emotional freedom?
5. Focus. “Boot Camp is 80% mental, and 20% physical. Don’t get discouraged or give in to the temptation to give up (namely because quitting is not an option.) Don’t look too far ahead and stay focused on the task at hand.” -military.com. The military life asks soldiers to be very focused and mindful in every aspect of their life. On the job, focus is critical for many soldiers who are placed in life or death situations. Mindfulness is also important in their personal life. If a soldier acts unbecoming and less than is expected of his character, he or she can face a demotion or even dishonorable discharge.
Many yoga asanas such as Tree Pose can also be considered 80% mental and 20% physical. That’s what draws people to yoga – it’s an exercise that requires focus in the present moment. When you’re holding a yoga pose, you’re not thinking about what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow. You’re focusing on your breath and maintaining the integrity of the pose: lengthening, grounding, extending, exhaling. There’s a lot happening during a yoga pose that focuses you to be present and to free your mind and body of the stress that tightens, constricts and restricts. Yogi’s who are interested in cultivating spiritual values will practice yoga on and off the mat, striving to judge less, and to be more patient, kind and compassionate human beings.
Are you up for the challenge?
It takes a lot of focus and self-awareness to raise the bar on your standard of living and aim to be the best person that you can be. Both the Army and yoga ask us how strong are we, just how much we can persevere and what level of integrity are we willing to reach. Yoga helps us find peace among the answers.
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Lauralyn is a yoga therapist specializing in holistic healing. She is currently providing yoga to the wounded warriors at Fort Bragg in North Carolina.
From the wounded warrior series. These are an example of some of the therapeutic yoga exercises we practice with the soldiers at Fort Bragg. This video provides gentle and mindful exercises to provide strengthening, healing and support for the lower back. Begin with a restorative spinal twist, then ease into a modified bridge pose. Complete this set with core strengthening. Don’t forget to allow your breath to guide the movements, and movements are slow and controlled. Bring your attention to releasing as much tension as possible in your body, and allowing the mind to rest to the flow of your breath. Support for the back also provides internal support for stress management, especially related to emotional and financial support. Use these exercises to instill trust, confidence and inner strength.
Lauralyn is a yoga therapist specializing in holistic healing. She is currently providing healing yoga instruction to the wounded warriors at Fort Bragg.
1. You attract everything that happens to you. I can’t tell you how often clients ask me what they’re doing wrong to “attract” negative or less-than-perfect situations to their lives. This kind of thinking can lead to feelings of guilt, self-punishment, judgment, anxiety, fear and narcissism. An egotistical way to view life, which will lead to misery, is to make it all about you. When things aren’t going as you hope, instead of asking “what am I doing wrong?” ask, “what am I being asked to learn from this situation?” This places you in a true position of power and stops the victimization cycle. Life is filled with challenges. No matter how good and loving you strive to be, you’re not going to be immune to challenges. It’s a compliment. God knows you can handle challenges. God sends you people and situations who could benefit from your wisdom and healing, and people and situations that could help you heal and evolve your soul. When we’re in a receptive state to learn, we will be open to asking how we could help in a challenge or what we could learn from our hardships. De-personalize the details, and recognize the blessings. Gratitude lifts you to a higher state of being and thinking, which can help you get through challenges easier.
The law of attraction isn’t a magical thing and it’s not a simplistic theory. It’s a law of energy or physics. “Like attracts like” meaning what vibrates at similar rates (including one’s destiny) may be brought together through the time space continuum like how magnets feel that draw to connect. But what if something that doesn’t appear to be vibrating at your rate is sent your way? Does it mean you’ve dropped the ball and have done something wrong? Or is it part of your calling to teach, heal or learn from what’s sent your way? What if just because something doesn’t feel good or appear to make sense, it’s still vibrating at your rate because it’s connecting to a part of you that can teach or heal or that needs to learn or be healed? Consider the law of attraction like this: we are brought together with people and situations for a divine purpose. It’s not just about what your ego wants, it’s about the ripple effect of life and your soul’s purpose in this world. Sometimes our brain will interpret these interactions as wonderful, like when we’re brought together with people who are just like us. Other times our brain will interpret a situation as awful because it’s not making us happy. Either way, take a step back and learn from the situation. You’re being called to a higher purpose with it.
A helpful prayer to heal from any negative associations with the law of attraction is the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
2. Your vision board is a magical universal shopping cart for your every desire. It’s my experience that vision boards are best used as a divine inspiration for your soul’s purpose and passion. Just because you place a photo of a supermodel on your vision board doesn’t mean you’ll ever look like or marry one. If you go deeper into your soul and ask yourself what would bring you peace, you may find the images on your vision board change. You may have photos of smiling faces representing happiness. Or strong bodies representing health. Or a yoga pose to inspire your practice. Or an image of water or mountains that you’d like a view of someday from where you live. You may place photos of things you’d like to give, as well as receive. When I was in high school it was about material things or life experiences that I wanted. As I grew up, I added ways I would love to serve others and help this planet. It’s been most fulfilling to experience these service goals coming true – the board serving as inspiration of what’s possible and to help keep me motivated and focused. When my efforts and passion meet with divine timing, the vision on the board becomes my reality.
So don’t lack faith if you never live in that 10-bedroom mansion overlooking the ocean that you placed on your board. Just think about all the taxes and copious amounts of cleaning you’re being spared. Use your board as a focal point to inspire your soul and motivate you to accomplish your goals and continue to dream about what’s possible.
3. If something isn’t perfect, it’s not meant to be. Sometimes things are going to be super easy and feel “meant to be” and other times you may feel like you’re fighting tooth and nail for what you want. Just because something isn’t easy doesn’t mean you should quickly walk away. God ultimately shows us what’s not meant to be, we must trust in that higher wisdom always present in our lives. When you’re headed in the wrong direction, you can often feel it in your heart. Or you end up being strongly re-directed. It’s hard to deny when something isn’t meant to be, you’re usually not given much of a choice. This divine wisdom asks us to eventually accept when life doesn’t go our way. There’s always a reason why something works out and why something doesn’t. We just have to trust. Trust helps the soul feel at peace and helps you hear your intuition clearer. Consider making a commitment to something you feel strongly about and working through it, even when it’s challenging, because it’s those hard times that can build trust and a loving relationship for a lifetime. Or a career that you become really good at, enjoying success from your efforts and helping many people. Avoid the ego trap of striving for and expecting perfection. Practice acceptance for what is, and strive to be the healthiest you. Change what’s in your power and commit to a positive outlook. Life may not be perfect in your perception, but from the higher view, it’s always perfect on that deeper level.
4. A spiritual person doesn’t ever do anything that would upset anyone. Gentle, sensitive souls who are striving to be the most loving, kind and compassionate people may find themselves feeling stepped on in life. It’s the sensitive souls who end up becoming doormats for stronger personalities who mistake their gentleness for weakness. Sensitive people often focus so much on the idea of being viewed as “good” that they behave in ways that are actually bad for them. A friend of mine once said “us sensitive people have a higher tolerance for BS.” It’s true that a deeply compassionate heart is often open to everyone and will tolerate a lot others wouldn’t. We just have to be aware of the fine line between caring for others and caring for ourselves. If your own dignity, self-respect and health suffer as the result of you being a spiritual person, it may be that you’re using compassion as an excuse to avoid healing your self-esteem. Where is the strength of our compassion if we’re lacking it for ourselves? It’s a sure way to burn out.
Consider spiritual street smarts. You can do good and feel good, but you need to be discerning. There are people out there who won’t see your loving heart and just don’t care. They’ll use, abuse, take you for granted and take advantage of your goodness. There are people out there who would prefer you be meek and suppress your own feelings so they could feel in control. There are times you may unintentionally offend someone by sharing your personal belief about something. You can’t be a yes man to everyone without sacrificing your own health and well-being. It’s not healthy to be consistently kind and giving and then start feeling resentful when certain people aren’t kind or giving back to you.
You can shine your light in the world without leaking it out in a way that undermines your strength and power. Even the angels practice tough love. Angels are created of pure love but they’re far from doormats. They just say no to fear and actively clear it with a very strong, very powerful, very focused divine love. It’s not a romantic or friendly love. There is no personal agenda, and there’s none of that sentimental kind of love we humans feel. It’s divine love – something that’s hard to explain in human terms. Divine love feels synonymous with respect for all living things. This love doesn’t fall prey to guilt or rationalizing. This love is clear between the boundary of love and fear. It’s mission is maintaining a strong divine love and practicing zero tolerance for fear.
We can do the same by not being afraid to express ourselves, forgiving ourselves when we act out of fear, and by practicing our loving kindness in a way that feels comfortable to us. When you stop worrying what others will think of you, you will begin to live the kind of spiritual life that feels right for you. Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Theresa and other spiritual leaders in our time have served as examples of standing your ground and speaking your truth without allowing the fear of others opinions sway you from your life’s purpose.
5. If you haven’t met your soul mate, you’re doing something wrong. This is another one I’ve heard from clients over the years and it always saddens me because these are kind, smart, beautiful people who feel they’re somehow blocking the love of their life from crossing their path. As an intuitive, I’ll tell you from years of providing hundreds of readings, I’ve seen enough proof to believe that we have little external control over our love destiny. We can’t control when our soul mate will be ready for us, or when that timing will be best for both of us. Does that mean you should sit home in your pajamas every weekend and not bother putting any effort into your dating life? No! You’ve got to put the vibe out there that you’re ready for love. You can do this by joining an online dating site, letting friends and family know you’re looking, being bold and taking risks. The love of your life is out there somewhere and you’re destined to meet.
The universe can use your help. Your psyche was erased of the date you’ll meet, so your love life is now an adventure. You play the game by searching and wondering and pining, and chances are your soul mate is doing the same thing. Then one day, exactly when it’s meant to happen, you’ll meet. It could be online. It could be at a support group or yoga class. It could be in a coffee shop. It could be at the gym, or maybe through a friend. The greatest challenge of love is waiting for it. The wait will challenge your mind with all sorts of depressing thoughts, like you’ll always be alone or you’re doing something wrong. The best thing you could do while waiting is continue to focus on your own personal development and opening your heart so when that destined encounter happens, you’ll be receptive with a grateful heart.
Yoga props are essential to a healing and relaxation practice. Yoga props provide relief to injured soldiers in our therapeutic yoga class at Fort Bragg not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Props help to relieve physical pain and pressure, allow you to modify poses to your individual need, can hit pressure points, support a calm nervous system and reduction of stress hormones. The props also work deeper, emotionally, to regain trust and calm for the inner self, as well as the outer world. The props allow you to receive unconditional support. Receiving this kind of gentle, yet strong support can be very profound in body, mind and spirit during stressful times or when healing from trauma.
But yoga props aren’t only for times of stress. Using props regularly in your relaxation practice provides on-going support in your daily life. A soldier in my class remarked that he couldn’t comfortably get into a spinal twist without the support of a blanket. I said to him, “who doesn’t need a little support now and then?”
Really, who can’t use a little extra support along with feelings of peace and comfort? Try yoga props for deeper relaxation and healing. It’s a worthwhile investment for your self-care. I love my yoga props and look forward to using them routinely.
