Too often we are acting under the guise of giving of ourselves when really, it is a tool of distraction. We “give” to others in order to control them or the situation.

When we “give” from an empty tank, we are acting in a way that distracts us from experiencing life as it is in the moment. Perhaps we are denying a feeling or a circumstance. Whatever it is, it is inauthentic and really painful for all involved.

Other reasons for giving are: to manipulate others into thinking of us a certain way or to get people to give us something that we think we need and aren’t able to ask for it outright or, even sadder, don’t believe that we merit it.
Too often we contort ourselves and manipulate others in order to get attention and affection. When we are “giving” from that place, it is a business agreement, not love. We are bargaining for position or security. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE.

One major aspect of love is that you can give it without expectation or seeking reward. When was the last time that you saw an example of that? When was the last time that you gave in that way?

YOUR ASSIGNMENT:
Go to someone with the intention of just loving them up NO MATTER WHAT. Give them so much love that you can’t even believe that much exists in you! Let it flow with no concern about whether or not they receive it, what your benefits will be, or any other expectation of outcome. You are a master and can give love freely and without harming yourself.

EXTRA CREDIT: Try this with someone who really challenges you! And as always, let me know how it goes.

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So many of our upsets or frustrations, perhaps even all, could be avoided, if we had a wider perception of what was really going on. Or even what is possibly going on. Moving beyond communication, which is limited by our humanity and training, we can open up to the idea that we are always being protected and [...]

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So many of our upsets or frustrations, perhaps even all, could be avoided, if we had a wider perception of what was really going on.

Or even what is possibly going on.

Moving beyond communication, which is limited by our humanity and training, we can open up to the idea that we are always being protected and cared for we shift from victim into victor.

I love the quote by Thich Nhat Hahn, “Are you sure? Misperceptions lead to disharmony and suffering.” In other words, “what else could be going on here?”

What this means is that when someone cuts me off in traffic, it could be a divine hand making me slow down to avoid a future problem.

When someone rejects me in some way, I am protected, either from them or causing them future harm!

All annoyances could be in place, not to vex me but to provide me with what I need in this time and space to stretch me into who I am to become.

This new shift in perspective lets us all off the hook of resentment or regret and shifts our minds from an antagonistic view (“I’m getting screwed!) to altruistic (“that’s interesting!”).

Your Assignment:
Reflecting on your year or day, is there a hurt that you can raise up to a new uplifted status? Instead of making someone wrong or bad, can you see them as a guardian angel of some sort? We are all in this together, after all.

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The term “boundaries” is quite problematic. Language is very powerful and creates our reality. First of all, when we use the term “boundaries,” it puts us in the position of victim and the other person as a villain. Second, it implies that we need to have a barrier against others. This impedes the human need [...]

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The term “boundaries” is quite problematic. Language is very powerful and creates our reality.

First of all, when we use the term “boundaries,” it puts us in the position of victim and the other person as a villain.

Second, it implies that we need to have a barrier against others. This impedes the human need for connection and intimacy.

If we are constantly on the defense, we are expecting others to do us wrong, which solidifies an atmosphere of antagonistic relationships, which have become status quo.

A more uplifting approach is to take care of oneself. What that means is that people know well ahead of any mishap what your expectations or needs are. When we act in a way that is full of integrity from the onset, we set others up to win because they have all of the necessary information.

How that can appear is something like this:

“I would love to pick you up on the way. However, I need you to be on time, otherwise, I will have to leave without you.”

This simple statement, gives yourself the opportunity to serve, but on clear terms. The person can check in with himself and determine whether or not they can agree to the terms.

You may ask, “But what if they agree to the terms in word but not in deed? They agreed but were still late.”

If they are late, you get to make good on your agreement and leave. There are no surprises.

This very simple principle can be applied to all sorts of situations, even ones with higher stakes like close friends and family. Those who love you will appreciate having more information and an easier time of knowing where you stand.

Your Assignment: Is there someone in your inner circle who abuses one of your unwritten “rules” but doesn’t know it? If you are harboring some resentment, can you lovingly tell them, “I don’t think that you know this about me but, I need…” and then release your expectations of them, knowing that they will do the best they can in this time and space. Can you allow them to do what they need to do but also take care of yourself in the process?

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All too often, when we are in conflict, we do exactly the opposite to what is helpful. Driven by habits, ego, or simply bad training, we exacerbate the situation rather than finding a way to connect even deeper and transcend the present obstacle together. The urge to defend or create a reality that seems harmonious [...]

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