I was livid. A coworker just relayed the news regarding the Trayvon Martin case and I stood there shocked, frustrated and then downright ticked off. Again?! It happened again?! And to make matters worse, everyone in America was aware of the perpetrator, but there had still been no arrest. Really?! I spent the rest of the day talking to and/or informing my students about the case and by the end of the day the sting had worn off…but not the frustration and later, the grief. As the Universe would have it, the strong reaction regarding the tragedy of Trayvon then invited more “stuff” which produced annoyance and utter frustration. I was in for a hell of a week. The next day a parent angrily waited for me to arrive to school to discuss her child’s detention. Rushing to make copies, I was slightly annoyed at the diversion of meeting this parent, and for the first time I might add, before I had time to mentally prep for my day. Nonetheless, I took it all in stride, showed her evidence of her child’s infraction, thereby satisfying her inquiry regarding the motivation behind the detention. Next! I then began to wonder what else should I be annoyed about? I then ran down the list of folks I had spoken to or had not and began to deduct points based on the frequency of their contact. By the end of the list, I was pretty pissed off yet again. Why hadn’t anyone from ATL called me? What was up with my besties and their lack of contact? Are we so caught up that we can’t pick up a phone and say hello? And then I started thinking about how if I was a man I’d hear from them ALL the time. My ex calls this “stinkin thinkin”. And appropriately so, because by the end of this mental rant your mood and perspective has completely changed and you are so far from radiating love that whatever you’re emitting reeks to the high heavens. It’s foul and your energy “odor” literally stinks.
Oh, but I didn’t stop there. The hits just kept on coming. During my planning I decided to respond to some pretty extreme texts my ex had sent. Twelve to be exact. I delayed responding simply because I didn’t want it to be done out of anger. I was hoping to get through to him some how and make him understand why it was time to go our separate ways. Well, I dial his number and get an error message that my service is shut off. Huh? I immediately check my bank account to see what is going on and notice someone’s been shopping online and it wasn’t me. There were purchases for Walmart.com, Apple Store, and some place called Trendy Readers. Wow! After calling the bank, they tell me that I have to cancel all my cards and file fraud claims. Ok, no problem. However, the lady then tells me that it will take five days to get my funds back. FIVE DAYS! Moreover, I can no longer use my cards and goodness knows how long it’ll be before I get the new one.
My phone carrier was absolutely no help. Because the bank declined the payment they refuse to restore service until I’ve paid them in full. Will you take a check? Lol. Of course the answer was no! But…I’m waiting for a call about a job. Sorry. But…I have a mastermind call on Sunday. Again, I’m so sorry. Sooo…no phone and no access to money since my bank is not local.
Now, in retrospect, I see exactly how I created all of that. And I acknowledge and accept my part in it all. It took silence to be able to see more clearly how I created undesirable experiences and emotions. Somewhere in the midst of all of that “stuff” I forgot to focus on love. Unconditional love of self, those around me, my loved ones and the world in general. In my solitude I have been able to see how these situations mirrored my own thoughts and actions. Solitude is powerful when you allow it to be. Oddly enough, I now see how my phone could have been used as a weapon of mass destruction. I was not going to leave my ex a nice message. Someone unavailable had started to call me again after I swore off unavailable men forever. And I probably would have gone out to meet friends, spending money that was not included in my now very strict budget. Yeah, Tmobile probably did me a favor.
There are going to be challenges. There are going to be things we must contend with on a daily basis that will rock us to the core or just give us a slight nudge. What makes the difference with it all is our response. Remembering to focus on love in spite of it all. Smooches!
Cynt Roberson
http://emittinglove.wordpress.com
