It’s the stereotypical trade – sex objects for success objects. Attractive women (or men) for wealthy men (or women). This barter of status (looks and wealth) is ancient and deeply ingrained in the human psyche. And, it is pitched to us as the ideal over and over again in the media (television, movies, magazines). Yet, as many wealthy and beautiful people know who have entered into this bargain (I once did it myself in my youth), it doesn’t lead to love or happiness. So, why do we keep valuing this superficial approach that in truth has nothing to do with love? In fact, when we approach people in this superfical manner, we almost guarantee that real love will elude us in the process.Of course, there is nothing wrong with being physically appealing or having lots of money. Beauty can inspire. Wealth can be used to accomplish great good. But, those with beauty and wealth know too well the chronic heartbreak that happens when people desire you only for your externals. It could even be said that those with extreme beauty or wealth have more difficulty finding real love than others do. Because they tend to be pursued more for their external value, they must have and apply more rigorous discernment to be sure they are being loved for who they truly are as persons.
And, to do so they must (as we all must) be willing to drop the focus on external qualities a person has, and shift more towards desiring the internal qualities a person posessess that can lead us to a truly joyful, happy, loved, and loving life. I am reminded for example of a dating service I am aware of (there are plenty like the one I know), that is set up primarily to accomplish the looks for wealth trade amongst potential partners. I am also reminded of my own early years where I mistakenly entered into this kind of trade and learned the hard way how it didn’t serve anybody. And, I am especially reminded of the stories I have heard now from clients for decades who fell into this external emphasis and suffered a great deal for having done so.
Now, I am a realist. I understand human nature. I am used to my clients telling me in an excited tone of voice when they meet a potential partner, “She is so hot. I could just look at her beauty all day long.” Or, “He is so rich. He has his own private plane. He owns several homes.”
But, my training and years of experience have also taught me a lot about the painful road they are traveling down. That is why when I hear these statements I sigh inwardly, knowing that sooner rather than later, trouble will be at their door.
Why? Again, there is nothing wrong with beauty. It can be very inspiring to have a partner who is physically attractive to us. And, wealth can help us accomplish a great deal of good in life if we have access to it. But, when we start out being thrilled about externals, and when we focus on what others can give us especially in the way of status, the ego has pretty much taken over. That very same ego only leads to much heartbreak down the road.
A wealthy friend of mine has a saying I would like to share with you to bring some proof. He calls it the Cindy Crawford syndrome. (She was the supermodel who was in vogue at the time he was young). What is the Cindy Crawford, or supermodel, syndrome? It’s the classic problem externally based ego driven people often face when they put the emphasis on externals like beauty.
Because they care more about the status a person brings them, instead of caring truly for the person, even if they marry a supermodel they remain discontent. That is why before too long he will be trading in a supermodel girlfriend for a new one. (Tiger Woods anyone?). Well, Tiger is not alone. And, you don’t have to have wealth to fall victim to putting the emphasis on externals, any egotistical selfish person will be prone to do so.
That is also why I take a deep breath and say a little prayer when I hear women gushing about how much money a man spends on them, or can bring to their lives. Again, I can’t blame them for being misguided. I was too at one point. I married the wrong person in a trade of my youthful looks for sizable wealth in hopes that it would bring the happiness and security I longed for. It didn’t. In fact, my brief years in that marriage were some of the most unhappy of my life. Why? Because despite his money and my looks, we were not at all compatible with each other. And, neither one of us bothered to ask the kinds of questions that I will share with you now.
Questions To Answer In Your Quest for Real Love.
1. Do I genuinely enjoy and admire this person, even if he/she were not wealthy or good looking?
2. Do we share the same vision of what we want our lives to be like? And, does that vision help to create a better world for lots of people around us?
3. Do we have a lot of things in common (after all even though opposites attract, time and again, research shows that long lasting happy relationships and marriages happen between people who are more alike than different).
4. Does this person possess integrity? Can he/she be trusted to keep his/her word?
5. Is this person free from obsessions, addictions, and abusive patterns (emotionally, physically, financially) showing they are capable of being a happy loving person, able to give that happiness and love to someone else?
6. Is this person a naturally unselfish person? Do they treat others with care and respect no matter what their status in life?
7. How does this person treat me? Forget about how much money he/she spends on me. Forget about how much he/she turns me on physically. How does he/she treat me regarding the little things in life? How good of a human being is this person?
8. Does this person value who I am mainly in terms of the service I am here to bring to the world? And, will he/she help me make the contibution with my talents I am meant to?
9. Is this person capable of making sacrifices, joyfully and willingly, especially since the ability to joyfully sacrifice for the well being of others demonstrates that this person knows how to truly love?
10. What kind of spiritual qualities does this person possess, especially in regards to being fair, truthful, compassionate, open-minded, naturally joyful, loving, and concerned for welfare of others?
Of course, there are additional questions that could be asked. But, how much more I would delight if someone would tell me, “He/she is such a good person. He/she has such a kind heart. We share so many things in common. People genuinely admire him/her. He/she can be trusted to keep his/her word. He/she treats me really well. And, by the way, he/she is my ideal of good looking. It is so much fun how he/she really turns me on. And, he/she has the financial means that allows us both use that wealth wisely to help create a better world.”
Then, I would smile with joy and wish them well. I would feel that they were learning to bless each other and this world with the presence of their real love. But, most of all, I would know that at some point, sooner or later they would not be calling me on the phone with the classic story I hear one too many times of how despite all they have in life in terms of looks, status, or wealth, they feel lonely, empty, betrayed, sad, angry, and abandoned once more because they did not get the real love they were looking for.
Yes, real love. That is what is it really all about. And, that is what I wish for them, for myself, and for the entire world.
Blessings,
Lisa
Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.
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Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.
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Main QuoteThe less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers. — Deepak Chopra
Dr. Lisa Love Coaching Tip
It can be difficult to keep our hearts open especially when we are exposed to a great deal of disappointment, rejection and heartbreak. Yet, keeping the heart open is one of the best things you can do for yourself in your life. But, how do we do this when our heart’s feel so bruised and fragile? One way is to recognize that our hearts are suffering not so much because we have failed to receive love, but because we have failed to love. I say this because too often we are very confused about what love is. We believe love hurts, when the truth is it heals. We think love is blind, when it actually requires 20 – 20 vision. We are under the delusion that love ends, when like a good meal that is absorbed into our bodies, love likewise is absorbed becoming an essential part of who we are.
Therefore, real love never ends. It goes on and on. The advantage of breaking through some of these myths about love is how it gives us an opportunity to recognize real love when we encounter it. As we realize this we can be inspired to keep our hearts open and learn what love is really all about. We can overcome our biases, false assumptions, and prejudices. We can practice being more loving individuals growing in our capacity to forgive, be wise, stay optimistic, and encourging both with ourselves and others. By opening up our hearts again we also open up to greater laughter and joy. We stop taking the slights of the heart so seriously. We continue to let the blood of life and love flow. We suffer less, we love more. In this way we become a blessing to the world.
Blessings,
Dr. Lisa
Want help with the above? I’m here to assist you.
Contact me at Dr. Lisa Love Website
Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also the author of Attracting Real Love, How NOT to Love Yourself, Feeling Good & Living Great and Meditation The Path to Peace. A psychologist and life, relationship, law of attraction, and tranformational coach she combines decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with her extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds to help clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact her to discover what she can do for you.
Imagine opening a door and being greeted by five children ages 5 to 1 1/2 who don’t even know you, running to the door and smothering you with hugs. As for me, I don’t have to imagine it. It happened to me today. I was visiting the home of a woman who was taking care of her elderly mother who also ran a day care center. Right away when the door opened a 5 year old boy ran up to me and asked for a hug. Years ago I used to work with small children. I learned from that experience to always drop down to the eye level of a child when interacting with them, to help them feel more secure and loved. So I responded to the boy by squatting down and he immediately fell into my arms and gave me a deep warm hug. Lovingly I held him close and hugged him back.
That was followed by two of the other children (ages 4 & 3) leaping into the pile putting their arms around me. So, I joyfully extended my arms and hugged us all closely together. To my amazement the 2 year old made his way into the pile, and even the one and a half year old crawled up where I picked him up into my arms and then the five children and myself all hugged one another.
Barely able to get in the door because the children were all over me, I tried to get inside further, and as I did the five children all lined up to one side from tallest to smallest like little ducklings, and all stood patiently in line wanting their own individual hug. I went through the line and hugged each one of them. Then they wanted another round of hugs, so I gladly obliged them. This was followed by one more pile into my arms where we hugged again. Then gingerly I stepped into the door lovingly untangling them from my legs as I attempted to walk.
Now remember something. These children and myself were complete strangers. And, yet it was one of the most amazing experiences of genuine love and caring I have ever had and possibly anyone will ever get. And, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Why aren’t we all like this? What has happened to us as we grow older that we don’t greet each other more in this fashion?”
Think about it. What kind of world would this be if when we met each other for the first time we did so wide eyed with joy and full of love and trust, just wanting to give our love freely and simply to each other, and be loved that way in return? What if we just automatically opened our hearts and held each other in a totally respectful, safe, and loving way? No doubt we would feel like those children did. We would all be so enraptured by it, we would just want to pile in.
What I also want to share is how during the hugging process I could literally feel the love radiating from my heart. And, it felt as if I was absorbing the heart radiation of the children as well. Sadly, I had to break the hug fest and attend to the conversation with the day care mother I had come to engage in. But, no surprise as I moved back to the door to leave, the children lined up like ducks in a row and started their hug fest again.
Again I happily obliged because in short it doesn’t get any better than this!
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For decades now people, even those in spiritual circles, have lived according to the notion that the goal in life is to make a million (or even a billion) dollars. But, as my book BEYOND THE SECRET revealed, this approach leads us far away from the path of love. It is almost common knowledge that after people get their basic needs met (and I mean basic), their capacity for happiness goes down if they don’t become good stewards of their money for the good of all. To compensate for their egotistical (and sometimes sociopathic) tendencies they resort to more and more addictive, controlling, and abusive tendencies. In many ways they are “stomach down people.” They are people who live from the lower drives of power, pleasure, and security and ignore the higher needs of love, compassion, honesty, integrity, vision, and unity with all.
Yet, before the masses become critical of those with wealth let us remember that there is nothing wrong with wealth per se. As I have often said, if the 1.250 billionaires in the world gave away only 1 billion of their many billions to the 7 billion people on the planet, we would not have significantly less difficulties in the world today. Fortunately, a number of wealthy people are good stewards of their wealth, though many are not. But, here is my point – giving away money from the rich to the poor is not the answer. Raising consciousness is the answer so that we live according to an ethic of LOVE.
What does an ethic of love look like? Well, it doesn’t look like what most magazines present to us that glorify excess consumption. Over and over we see celebrities spending anywhere between $30 million dollars on a wedding to $6000 on a pair of boots. And, we are supposed to be excited and impressed by this? Consider then how many lives could have been saved on this planet for this same amount of cash. $100 can keep a child alive for a year in Africa. So that is 60 lives that could have been saved for one pair of boots or 300,000 lives that could have been saved for a year for one wedding bash. Yet, instead of feeling repulsed by this, magazines that show us these excessive lifestyles make a ton of cash.
So, why are we doing this? And, are YOU doing this? What are we teaching our children around the world with this kind of unloving ethic? And, why do we want to glorify making a million over and over again as if excessive consumption, greed, and self-indulgent egotistical excess leads to happiness when over and over again we learn that it doesn’t?
An ethic of love looks much different. It helps a million over making a million and the magazines would then be full of people who live relatively simply giving most of their cash away to help others once their basic needs are met (which can be done at about 50K a year). Plus, when you are focused on service and helping others, there is nothing to fear. You can lose your money and your power. But, you can never lose an opportunity to reach out and love others. At least that is what my BEYOND THE SECRET book asserted one year before the economic crash happened (which I predicted was coming as early as January 2008). And, I still assert it now. HELP A MILLION and insist that those who have a million help a million as well. That is the path to love and the new ethic that will lead us onto that path in the future.
Blessings,
Lisa
Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.
http://www.doctorlisalove.com/
http://www.facebook.com/drlisalove
http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove
Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com/
Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.
http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html
FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:
http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html
**********************************************
Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other websites and Ezines provided you include everything above, the article and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up free gifts as well. Thank you.
Ultimately we are here to love everyone and everything, but that only takes place when we have balance throughout the entire energy body. Video by Dr. Lisa Love at www.doctorlisalove.com
Love and blessings,
Lisa
Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.
To really love ourselves and others we need 20/20 vision, because once we see clearly we know how to love in an intelligent and effective way. Video by Dr. Lisa Love at www.doctorlisalove.com
Love and blessings,
Lisa
Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.
