» I Want To Be A Detachment Diva

Simply Serenity

Inspiration for inner peace and love by Lauralyn, a yoga and angel therapist.

I Want To Be A Detachment Diva

February 2nd, 2012

I’d rather be a detachment diva than a drama queen. But how do you break the cycle of stressful thinking that leads to unhealthy bouts of drama in your life? Practicing non-attachment is a method that the ancient yogis and Buddha suggested to decrease suffering and remain centered in truth. Wikipedia provides this simple definition:

Detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective.

Detachment doesn’t mean that you close your heart to a situation, instead you open your heart to yourself and all involved. Detachment doesn’t mean that you tune out, it means that you refuse to attach yourself to emotional drama that distorts your thinking and throws you off balance. Detachment doesn’t mean that you stop caring, it means that you care without expectation or the need to control. This is a higher state of being that could result in less suffering and more feelings of peaceful well-being. I’ll give you an example.

Last weekend, I was feeling particularly sensitive. Maybe it was the result of too much work and not enough rest. Maybe it was because I was feeling challenged by the military life I’m currently experiencing. Maybe my body was experiencing hormonal shifts. Whatever the reason, I was walking a path with my partner and I began to feel a prickliness in my body as he spoke. Then I became aware of my thoughts. I realized that I was taking everything he was saying personally, even though in truth he wasn’t taking any jabs at me. And yet every time he said something, my brain was translating it to mean something else aimed directly at me. I started my own dialogue in my head:

“You’re making it all about you. Give him space to talk and share what’s on his mind. Detach from analyzing or translating it. You’re not in his head. Just give him space to share how he feels without making it about you. It’s not about you.”

How often do we truly listen to what someone has to say without somehow making it about us? It’s a skill to “hold space” for someone to talk and share freely. When someone shares, it’s coming from their experience. The only way we could experience hurt or guilt is if we take on their experience as our own. It’s an act of love to allow someone to have the floor and share from the heart and for you to witness their feelings while avoiding attaching your own emotions to them. Is this a challenge? Absolutely. Is it possible? Absolutely.

But like any skill, it takes practice. It begins with noticing your physical and emotional reactions to things around you. If you feel a change in your body and find your mind offering a translation that is creating stress for you, stop. Wake yourself up for a moment and become the observer of yourself. You can change your thoughts, which will change your experience and the reality of the situation. Try to connect with how you’re really feeling in the defensive moment. Are you feeling tired? Overwhelmed? Stressed? Give yourself some compassion and find ways to meet your needs or share your needs with others so you can shift out of that state of being. Is there a history of stress with this person? If so remind your brain that you’re in the present moment, let go of the past. Taking a step back, holding space for others and depersonalizing things are healthy ways to detach from drama and maintain steady, grounded and even keel with your presence in the world. This soulful practice can enhance the quality of your relationships by allowing you to experience love in it’s highest form.

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