A popular theme (my favorite and the one that has been most helpful to me) covered by A Course in Miracles is that of “Special versus Holy.” For many of us who tend to view the self in material terms, this concept challenges long held concepts of our inherent value. When we want to compliment someone we often tell them that they are special. The ego finds this to be the ultimate compliment. We suggest the person is different, unique and ultimately separate from his brother. “What”, says the ego, “could be better!” (Note to Enneagram 4s – this may be especially challenging to us because of our desire to feel special).

However, A Course in Miracles tells us that we enter into the Kingdom of Heaven only by joining. In his book Awaken to Your Own Call: Exploring A Course in Miracles, Jon Mundy shares that “Heaven is found only through a “collaborative venture.” We enter Heaven holding on one side the hand of someone who has helped us and on the other the hand of someone we have helped.”

A Course in Miracles also teaches that there is only one of us here. To be special suggests that we can be separate from others. When we believe in separation, compassion, joy and connection elude us.

The idea of entering this awareness two by two, which is the metaphysical meaning of Noah’s Ark, is contrary to our idea of wanting to be “the special one.” This pursuit of the special or specialness can absorb our entire life. We can form these special relationships in pursuit of anyone or anything. Ultimately we do it to connect with the Divine, forgetting that connection is inherent to our being.

In Awaken to Your Own Call Mundy says “Special relationships are ones in which we are attached, hung up, dependent, angry, and neurotic. They are relationships in which we have things to work out in order to attain peace. In this sense all our relationships are special because we want to “look good” in other people’s eyes. […] We use these special relationships to build defenses against the truth of our reality of spiritual beings.”

In order to move beyond this pull to the “special” A Course in Miracles tells us “The Holy Spirit asks only this little help of you: Whenever your thoughts wander to a special relationship which still attracts you, enter with Him into a Holy instant and there let Him release you. He needs only your willingness to share His perspective to give it to you completely. And your willingness need not be complete because His is perfect.” (ACIM The End of Illusions VI 12. page 347).

Although we pursue these special relationships in order to make ourselves feel validated and special, (rather than connecting with God) perhaps counter intuitively, these relationships actually keep us from the ultimate connection that will love and acknowledge us. Special relationships are sought to help us erroneously heal the past, denying the truth of God available to us in the present moment. When this relationship does not heal us the relationship “becomes unsatisfying on the grounds of disillusionment” (ACIM The Forgiveness of Illusions Chapter 16 page 338).

In Awaken ToYour Own Call, Jon Mundy describes Adam and Eve’s relationship as the first special relationship. They turned to each other and away from their connection with God. “According to A Course in Miracles, we develop special relationships in two distinct ways-either as special hate or special love. Special love is more insidious than special hate because we think we are loving. When we are involved in a special hate relationship we know we are off track. Even if we think we are justified in our hatred or anger, most of the time we intuitively get that we have a problem. Further, In Awaken, Munday writes “Special hate justifies the projection of guilt by attack. Special love conceals attack within the illusion of love.”

One way to discern the special relationship is to notice that we believe that the special person or thing will fulfill us and make us complete. In fact, according to A Course in Miracles, the only completion for us is in our relationship with God. The Course tells us “Every special relationship you have made has, as its fundamental purpose, the aim of occupying your mind so completely that you will not hear the call of the truth.” Specialness can only come from the ego.

Specialness is predicated on comparisons. A Course in Miracles tells us “Comparison must be an ego device, for love makes none. Specialness always makes comparisons. It is established by a lack seen in another, and maintained by searching for, and keeping clear in sight, all lacks it can perceive.”

When we have accepted the willingness to allow the Holy Spirit to release our unhealthy attachment to the special love relationship we become liberated and truly free. A Course in Miracles teaches, “You have reached the end of an ancient journey, not realizing yet that it is over. You are still worn and tired, and the desert’s dust still seems to cloud your eyes and keep you sightless. Yet He Whom you welcomed has come to you, and would welcome you. He has waited long to give you this. Receive it now of Him, for He would have you know Him. Only a little wall of dust still stands between you and your brother. Blow on it lightly and with happy laughter, and it will fall away. And walk into the garden love has prepared for both of you” (ACIM The Two Worlds Chapter 18 V111-13 page 393).

© 2010 Jeanine Marie Ausitn, Ph.D, CH.t.

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