Have you ever been in a highway accident?  It is an unusual but effective way to refocus on what is truly important!

I was driving my family home yesterday when we were in a four car pileup on I-78 in New Jersey.  A light rain was falling, and I had been thinking to myself, “These are perfect conditions for hydroplaning.”  There was a lot of sluggish traffic in three lanes, not managing to move past the speed limit.  Impatient drivers were passing on the right and tailgating, so in an effort to remain safe I did not react when two cars cut me off by passing me on the right and then tailgating each other.  Unfortunately, one of those cars hit the other one not long after they passed me.  So immediately I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw that the car behind me was not going to be able to stop.  I was braking and figuring out if there was any way out of what looked like a very dangerous predicament.  Nope.  No way out.  So I said, “Brace yourself!”  Somehow I went into body consciousness mode and prepared for an impact.  I still don’t know exactly how I did it or how I managed not to hit the car in front of me even though the car that crashed into the back of us was totaled.  I felt my head fly back and hit the headrest but nothing hurt.  My son Alec woke up but did not cry and Rhys, my youngest, only cried after we had stopped and he realized what had happened.  Out of the four cars full of passengers, only two people had very minor injuries.  I was extremely relieved and not at all mad at the drivers who had been so careless and aggressive. 

This happened in the same week that I had flipped off the driver of an Escalade through the sunroof while driving on the Saw Mill River Parkway.  The Escalade was driving 90 mph and got right up on my bumper when I was behind another car in the left lane.  Of course I could not move over and the car in front of me was not able to get over.  I also had the kids in the car with me then.  I waited to flip the guy off after the car in front of me got over, and then I got over and he sped past.  I was disappointed in myself for flipping someone off but I thought in that moment that if there were a way to murder him and not get caught, I totally would have.  A lot of people have issues with angry driving, and honestly, this only happens to me when people are being that recklessly indifferent to the lives of others.  Yesterday, in the rain, there was no way I was going to get angry at other drivers on a summer weekend with loads of traffic.  How pointless. 

Today, I’m a little peeved that I now have to pay a $500 deductible to fix my destroyed exhaust system and bumper because some college students were in a big hurry to the detriment everyone else on I-78.  I was the only person not at fault in the accident.  Had I been less focused or more emotional, there definitely would have been more injuries.  What makes it even sadder is that the woman driving behind me was clearly very poor and her car was totaled.  I don’t think she has insurance and she had three kids with her.  She couldn’t get her car to stop because it had old tires and brakes.  So her life is going to be dramatically more affected than ours or especially the female college students that were in front of us.  The only reaction these girls had to the event was to mock the police officer when he wasn’t looking by imitating his walk. Their cars were not nearly as badly damaged because they didn’t hit each other very hard, but their reaction was to stop really quickly, in the left lane! 

The best thing to come out of the accident was the feeling of extreme gratitude for my family’s safety and the lack of serious injuries for everyone else involved.  I tried to make the driver who was in front of us feel better by high fiving her when we got out of our cars.  I think that really took her by surprise!  I said, “Hey, I managed not to hit you, high five!”  Maybe she felt bad when she saw five children emerging from the cars behind her. 

This experience made me think about the Buddhist practice of mindful driving.  Practicing mindfulness while driving is obviously not traditional meditation where you close your eyes and tune out.  It is more like mindful walking, where your increased focus and awareness make you more careful and alert. 

Since I have had issues with losing my temper in the car in the past, I try to be mindful when I am behind the wheel.  I don’t shut off the music or send metta (lovingkindness) to all drivers who pass me.  I would like to get to that point, but I don’t see it happening soon.  I do try to empty my head of chatter and relax my body.  I do focus on the act of driving and I allow that focus to bring peace and calm.  I become absorbed in the act of driving and I try to stay present with it, rather than thinking of it as a means to an end.  That can be challenging.  After all, the point of driving on the highway is usually to reach a destination.  This is why it is so difficult for most people to remain present while driving.  It’s the “are we there yet?” mentality.  There is also the tendency of the ego to assert itself by remaining in the left lane and passing every other driver. 

After yesterday’s crash, my approach to mindful driving has improved.  I now realize that it is not just about controlling reactions or turning driving into a more peaceful experience.  Mindful driving saves lives.  As difficult as it may seem, I do intend to send loving thoughts to drivers who cut me off or crawl up my rear end.  Even if I can’t feel loving in that situation, I will say the words out loud in the hope that I can eventually reprogram myself.  Less impatience on the road means fewer injuries and fatalities.  I am letting it start with me.

See more posts by Michelle Garrison-Hough

General