Living Your Values

The means is the end

 

Congratulations!  You are now at the jumping off place.  What we've covered, up till now, are the perceptual tools and understandings required to calm your mind and emotions when the events of your life don't meet your expectations and you feel upset.  Learning to self-soothe, or calm the mind, enables you to bypass the reactive mind and respond thoughtfully to the present moment, regardless of circumstances.  The movement from being reactive to being responsive is the beginning of becoming a conscious creator.  It's also the doorway to transcendent intelligence, unlimited creativity and inner resources that will boggle your mind. 

One aspect of becoming a conscious creator is learning to accept full responsibility for your life and everything in it.  Accepting responsibility, however, is different than feeling guilty or ashamed for what you've created, or what you imagine you've created.  Accepting responsibility reads …response-ability.  Response-ability is the ability to respond to the present moment with your values in mind.   

To respond with your values in mind, you first have to identify what they are and that's not always easy.  Your values represent, not only what's most important to you, but also your own intrinsic value.  This includes your capabilities, talents, gifts and all the different ways you're here to serve the world.  We're all somewhat different in this respect, because each of us has a special role to play, a role that we alone are uniquely qualified to fulfill.

My friend Steve D`Annunzio, an author, minister and inspirational speaker, calls this special role a soul purpose.  A soul purpose is not so much something we do, as it is something we are.  For example, I value peace, forgiveness, insight, understanding and compassion.  My role is to broadcast a message of empowerment and inspiration for those who are ready to leave pain and suffering behind, and return their mind to its natural loving state.  Others have come as nurturers, musicians, healers, builders, protectors, artisans, innovators, entertainers, inventors, and the like.  One of your tasks is to unveil and nurture your own unique soul purpose, and then to live it as fully and authentically as possible in service to life.  I'm here to assist you in that endeavor.  You, however, will have to do the work.  Restoring the mind to peace and revealing soul purpose is an inside job.  I can provide you with tools, but you must till the soil.

Personally, I believe that humanity is on the verge of a transcendent breakthrough in both the way we think and feel.  As author Steven Covey declares, ‘All breakthrough's aren't really breakthrough's, they're break-from's'; and that's the message of this book.   I advocate a complete release from the reactive mind and all it's memories of pain and suffering, so we can embrace the present moment and all the possibilities that it offers.  This is a large job, I know, but one that I believe is widely underway.

In terms of thought, the evolutionary step that I'm referring to is the movement away from identification with the reactive mind/emotional self, and its limited awareness, to identification with the creative mind/sensate self, and its corresponding expansiveness.  In other words, we're actually going to expand the possibilities already present within us by learning to use this amazing gift we call the brain. 

The brain is an absolutely marvelous piece of biological machinery.  This fantastic tool is highly moldable and plastic.  It literally forms itself around our habitual ways of thinking and being.  It does this by creating neural networks and shortcuts that adapt to the programs we want to run.  That's simply amazing isn't it?  Even more enlightening is what follows.

According to Paul MacLean, the former director of the Laboratory of Brain Evolution and Behavior in Poolesville, Maryland, our skull holds not one brain, but three.  Each brain, he says, represents a distinct evolutionary stratum that has formed upon the older layer before it, like an archaeological site. He calls this brain the triune brain. 

MacLean says that these three brains operate like, "…three interconnected biological computers, each with its own special intelligence, its own subjectivity, its own sense of time and space and its own memory".  It had previously been assumed that the highest level of the brain, the neocortex, dominates the other, lower levels, but MacLean has shown that this is not the case.  The physically lower limbic system, which rules the emotions, can hijack the higher mental functions, both when it needs to, and even when it doesn't.  That's why we make such lousy choices when we're upset.  Instead of thinking with the newest, most advanced, most versatile and capable brain/mind available to us, we're thinking with the lowest. 

In order, MacLean calls these three brains the reptilian brain (r-complex), the limbic system and the neocortex.  The first system, the reptilian brain, which incorporates the brain stem and cerebellum, is the most ancient part of the brain.  It's called the reptilian brain because it's the same brain that we find in snakes and reptiles today.  This brain is said to be rigid, obsessive, compulsive, ritualistic and paranoid.  It's also the brain filled with our ‘…ancestral memories and conditioning,' and it keeps repeating the same behaviors over and over again …never learning from past mistakes. 

   

Next in line is the Limbic System, or Paleomammalian brain.  This brain corresponds to mammals especially the older ones.  It is concerned with emotions and instincts, feeding, fighting, fleeing and sexual behavior, which, besides basic survival, are our oldest, most primitive drives.  MacLean notes that, "This brain finds everything either agreeable or disagreeable."  Survival, according to the thinking of the Limbic System, depends upon avoiding pain and embracing pleasure.  He goes on to state that, "This lowly mammalian brain of the limbic system tends to be the seat of our value judgments, instead of the more advanced neocortex."              

The last and most recent addition to this triune system, the Neocortex, is the seat of higher intelligence, reasoning and abstract thought.  MacLean calls this newest addition, ‘the mother of invention and father of abstract thought.'  I call it imagination, creative thought and transcendent intelligence.

In humans, the neocortex makes up nearly two-thirds of the total mass of the brain, whereas in most other mammals it is much, much smaller.  It is this brain, the neocortex that allows man to transcend the ancient conditioned responses of the older brains, and rise to new levels of conscious awareness, levels that allow one to break free from past limitations and tap into new levels of thought and being.  I would also add, based on intuitive insight, that this brain is our biological connection to the Big Mind/Big Heart; a term coined by Genpo Roshi, a Zen Master, to describe the expansive Mind that connects us all, as compared to the small mind that defines the ‘limited me.'      

If you'll quickly review the brief descriptions I've just outlined, it won't be too difficult to discern which brain/mind most people typically identify with when they're upset, angry or under pressure.  Words like rigid, obsessive, compulsive, ritualistic and paranoid characterize our lowest nature.  Next in line are the simplistic and judgmental, either/or, win/lose, right/wrong and good/bad thinking of the middle brain.  Lastly, we have the transcendent, inclusive, holistic thinking of the higher brain/mind.  Unlike the middle brain, which is linear and exclusive in nature, the higher mind is holographic and inclusive.  In other words, it sees the whole picture, including our part in it.  

In conjunction with this evolution in biology is an opportunity for an evolution in consciousness as well.  Just as the limbic system made possible the quantum leap from the instinctual to the competitive level of thought, the neo cortex allows for the leap from the competitive to the creative level of thought.  Each level, or stratum of thought, offers its own opportunities, potential for experience and limitations.  And, as author and forward thinker, Ken Wilber proposes regarding evolutionary leaps, ‘…one system doesn't simply replace another; rather, they include and then transcend them completely.' 

For example, the instinctual brain/mind enabled biological systems to become quite sophisticated and complex.  It tapped into the survival/instinctual level of thought.  The limbic system enabled emotional bonds to be formed.  As a result, families and communities began to evolve.  It tapped into the competitive level of thought.  The neo cortex, a relative newcomer by evolutionary standards, will facilitate the development of a being that is universally aware and equipped with transcendent creative abilities.  This completes the leap from the physical, to the mental, to the transcendent level of being and awareness.  In other words, the current evolution ushers in an era where the small me, the ‘me' that's heavily identified with the body and its thoughts and feelings, will be transcended.  In its place, a more expansive identity emerges that reflects universal values, and their creative expression. 

Towards that end, the purpose of identifying and living your values is to shift out of the habitually reactive, pre-programmed, unconscious, survival-minded, pain-pleasure oriented small mind, and into the transcendent genius of creative thought and thinking.  You'll accomplish this by learning to think, choose, communicate, plan and act with your values in mind. 

To make this statement a bit clearer, imagine that your three brains are like radio tuners and thoughts are like radio signals.  Each tuner, the reptilian, limbic, and neo-cortex has the capacity to tune into different stations or wavelengths.  The reptilian brain is only capable of tuning into survival thoughts and the violent realm of instinctual intelligence.  The limbic brain, on the other hand, dials up to the competitive realm and its winners and losers mentality.  And lastly, the advanced technology of the neo-cortex tunes into the creative realm and thoughts that are aligned with values like cooperation, integrity and compassion.

Aligning your thinking with values automatically begins to release you from the bonds of the ancient, preprogrammed thinking of the animal realm, and catapults you into the expansive realm of creative thought and thinking.  As Einstein remarked, "We can't solve the problems of today with yesterdays thinking."  In essence, he was saying, we need to reach beyond the outdated beliefs of today and imagine new possibilities that don't replace the old problems, but transcend them altogether.  This is the realm of creative thought. 

Your part in this process is twofold: 

1. Determine your current priorities of value. 
2. Align your thinking, decision-making, communication, planning and action according to your priorities of value.

Aligning with your current values has two purposes.  One is that you'll learn to discern what is universally valuable and the other is you'll learn what personally is of value to you.  These are two different things.

What's personally valuable to you is what floats your boat?  What turns you on?  What are you passionate about?  What do you want?  What do you want to express?  How do you want to express it?  Etc.  These might include things like, where you want to live, what you'll do for work and how you'll entertain yourself.  On the other hand, universal values are just that; they are universally valuable.  They support all of life.  These values include things like compassion, forgiveness and integrity.  In time, as you gain clarity and insight, these values will inform you of your mission (soul purpose) and the means by which it will be expressed. 

For example, I personally love teaching, interacting with lot's of different people, being creative and making a difference in the world.  The universal values I represent are peace, harmony, forgiveness and cooperation.  Therefore, teaching people how to remove the blocks to peace, harmony and cooperation, and come to joyous, artful self-expression is a perfect role for me.  It gives me great satisfaction and joy to have a positive impact on life.  I love what I do, as will you, once you've released the blocks to your highest creative potential and begin to express it outwardly.

In the beginning, it's likely you'll struggle.  Meeting challenges, facing adversity and enduring discomfort are all part of the process.  That's because you'll be clearing out the pre-programmed, past conditioning of the ‘small me' to make way for the universally aware self.  The discomfort arises because the small me tends to resist this process.  Disappointment, dissatisfaction and pain aren't failures, however; they're indicators that you're off track.  That's when it's time to tune in and get the lesson.

If you'll utilize the tools of perception and understanding provided in this book, you'll move through the discomfort fairly quickly, finding both the lesson and the value in the experience.  That, in turn, will expand your awareness and understanding, influence your thinking, decision-making and actions, and ultimately reshape your life immeasurably.  You'll never get this feedback, however, until you begin to think in terms of values and leave behind the old mammalian measuring stick of pleasure and pain; a measuring stick rooted in the most basic of human needs and drives.   

The challenge of using pleasure and pain, as a barometer of value, is that it's rooted in unexamined ancient conditioning; the key word here being unexamined.  We are, in fact, conditioned from birth to behave in certain ways.  We're also mostly unaware of the conditioning that's taken place.  Thus, we pursue goals and strategies that we believe will get us what we want, without ever thoughtfully examining our choices.   

My own quest to be in a successful, long-term relationship provides an excellent example.  Like most people, I was conditioned to think that a successful, life-long relationship with the right person was something I needed to do to be happy, content and satisfied. For many years, I held on to this belief, but was unsuccessful in fulfilling that desire.  That changed one day, when, I got out pen and paper and examined this desire through the lens of my values.  As soon as I did, it became apparent to me why I'd sabotaged so many of the relationships that I'd been in.

On that sheet of paper, under the heading Committed Loving Relationship, I wrote the following words:

• Caring
• Nurturing
• Shared responsibilities
• Intimacy
• Companionship
• Friendship
• Playfulness
• Adventure
• Growth
• Memories
• Family

These words represented the things I valued in a committed, long-term relationship.  I then measured the values on this list against my Priority of Values List. (Something you'll complete at chapters end)  As I did, three words on my priorities of value list stuck out at me like a sore thumb: freedom, spontaneity and God.  The last one, God, was and is the highest value on my list.

Truth is my mistress, my highest commitment, my first priority …everything else is a distant second.  How could I enter into a committed, loving, intimate relationship when I was already in one?  That would, for me, be adulterous.  Anyone I brought into my life would never be better than fourth, fifth or sixth. When I thought about how I'd feel if the roles were reversed, and I was fourth, fifth or sixth on someone else's list, I didn't like that thought at all.  No wonder these relationships hadn't been working out!  It was an unfair proposition, or expectation, to begin with.  I wasn't willing to give what I'd been demanding from my partners.   

I would never have known this, however, if I hadn't clearly identified my values.  My values pointed me in a completely different direction than my conditioned beliefs did.  Acknowledging this enabled me to make new choices and create a lifestyle that I really do enjoy.  This is something that wouldn't have been possible while operating under the guise of my past conditioning. 

Each of us has a worldview, a personal collection of beliefs we hold to be true about the way the world is, who we are, what is possible, what is likely, what happened, what is happening and what will happen.  These collections of beliefs are called paradigms; and paradigms powerfully affect the way we perceive and experience our world.  Paradigms are the filters that we view life through. 

You may have heard or read before that we don't see the world as it is; we see the world through filters of perception.  These filters, or paradigms, are held largely below the level of awareness; meaning, we are unaware that they exist or how they affect our experience.  As I mentioned before, we are from birth, and even before, conditioned to view reality a certain way.

Our conditioning arises in large part due to the childhood we experienced, the parents or caregivers we had, our experience in utero, the schools and churches we attended, the impact of culture, and the predisposition of our spirit or personality prior to birth.  In addition, as humans, we are what is referred to as multi-dimensional beings; meaning, we exist on several planes of existence simultaneously, including: the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, transpersonal and divine realms of being. 

Transpersonal, by the way, means beyond the personal.  At this level of being one begins working with archetypal energies and healing deeply buried sensate wounds that affect the whole.  I mention this just to bring it to your attention, but that's not the realm this work focuses on.  This work focuses on the mental and emotional realms because, by intentionally cleaning out what's there, what's beyond it becomes readily apparent.  Don't be fooled, however.  Application of these simple, but powerful tools produces quantum change at multiple levels and enormous personal growth.  Each time we notice a faulty paradigm and heal it, our inner experience shifts immediately, and sometime later, our outer world begins to shift accordingly. 

If you'll notice, all the perceptual tools and understandings I've covered, up till this point, are paradigm shifters.  Each tool is also rooted in a spiritual principle, or set of values. 

For example, the first step in our process is stop & pause.  The spiritual principle in this case is patience. The values are silence, willingness, deliberate action and open-mindedness.  In step one, we deliberately become willing to take action and stop the hurt, by pausing for a moment to interrupt our thoughts.  Then, in the brief silence that ensues, we consider new possibilities.  This choice is a decision to learn and grow. 

The next step in our process is the spiritual principle of surrender. We admit that we don't have all the answers.  The values demonstrated here include truthfulness and humility.  We admit that we don't have all the answers (truthfulness) and humble our arrogant thoughts. 

The next spiritual principle we embrace is acceptance. We make peace with our emotions whether we like the way they feel or not.  The values expressed here include: courage, compassion, peace, harmony and gentleness.  It takes courage to look inward with compassion and gentleness in order to restore peace and harmony to the mind and emotions. 

Then, in step four, we embrace the spiritual principle of forgiveness.  Forgiveness is where we release our judgments in order to bring healing, insight, understanding and compassion to our mind.  In effect, we restore our minds to love.  At each step along the way we embrace principles and values in order to bring more love into our mind, heart, homes, villages and world.  This is one of the great open secrets of the world.  A focus on value always returns more value.  This is the Law of Cause and Effect. 

The law of cause and effect states that …all things in the world of form and phenomena have as their cause a corresponding thought at the creative or causative level of being.  The forms and phenomenon are called effects.  Thought, at the level of belief, is cause. 

Don't confuse thought at the level of belief with the haphazard thoughts that continually pop in and out of your consciousness.  Those are actually effects.  They are a result, or effect, of what you choose to believe.  This may initially be hard to grasp, but it becomes self-evident when one begins to look at their thinking, at the level of belief, and makes changes at that level.  When we shift beliefs (cause), our inner and outer worlds (effects) shift accordingly.  

Most of us would like to think that the lifetime of experience we've had has turned us into adults.  That isn't true, however, unless you've been actively examining, testing and shifting your beliefs along the way.  That's because most of the beliefs you're operating under were formed before you were five years old, and they've been driving your perceptions and experience ever since.  One of my favorite lines is the guy who says, "I married five different bodies, and they were all the same woman."  The truth of the matter is something different.  The truth is that his unconscious beliefs about women hadn't changed so he repeatedly attracted and remarried the same type of woman over and over again.    

The mind, in this respect, is a remarkable tool.  Once we form beliefs, the mind continually seeks to reinforce those beliefs.  This also presents a challenge.  In an unexamined mind, the ideas of the past continually reinforce themselves through perception and experience; hence, nothing ever really changes except the scenery.  The flow of thought in this equation reads: Belief > Perception > Experience > Reinforced belief. 

When we begin examining, testing and discarding old beliefs, a new equation emerges.  It reads:  Belief > Challenge the Belief > Discard the Old Belief > Newly Inspired Belief > New Perceptions > New Experience > Reinforced New Belief. Thus, the act of challenging and discarding old beliefs is extremely important if one chooses to create a new life and a new perceptual reality.  You have to clear out the old to make room the new.  Forgiveness is the process by which this is achieved.

In the chapter on forgiveness, I mentioned that forgiveness releases us from our own condemning thoughts.  The act of forgiveness isn't for the purpose of releasing others; it's to release us.  In other words, it creates the space for something new.  That something new is our values.  First, we identify what our values are, and then we organize our lives around them.  In other words, our values become our blueprint for living. 

The reason that forgiveness is the first step is that, over time, our mental and emotional selves become filled to the brim with old, painful thoughts and memories.  Thus, before we can move forward, we must clear our perceptual lenses; otherwise, everything we see will be filtered through the pain of the past.     In other words, we won't see the world as it is or as it could be, we'll see it through these filters of pain. 

In my work, what surprises me more than anything, is how attached we become to these old, painful memories.  This is evidenced by how hard it is for so many people to let go, even though they know they'd feel better if they did.  Letting go, however, is a must if we're to recreate our lives at the next level.     

Experiences are meant to flow.  Emotions are meant to flow.  Retained painful judgments clog up the works.  They are filters of fear, pain and suffering, and they affect our perceptual reality.  The mind then translates these perceptions to mean, I need to defend and protect myself against further pain and suffering.  This establishes the spiral into pain.  

Going back to our model of cause and effect: if we invest in (believe in) protection, defense, pain and hurt, then what will be their effects?  More of the same, right?  It can be no other way.  I cannot rid myself of pain and hurt by employing protection and defense.  That only leads to more pain and hurt and the need for more protection and defense.  This becomes an ever-escalating spiral.  On the other hand, if I bring compassion, understanding and gentleness to the hurt and pain, what happens?  They heal; that's what happens.  In the space of compassion, understanding and gentleness pain melts away.  The simple truth is …the means is the end. 

For millennia, humanity has operated under the misperception that the end justifies the means.  We fight for peace, go to war on terror and punish to teach.  Looking back, ask yourself if this works?  Has it changed anything?  Do we have peace, harmony and an inspired citizenry?  The answer is ‘no', because the premise is flawed in the first place.

I saw an example of this flawed thinking at work just the other day.  I was watching television and heard a political scientist say, ‘…the idea that increased understanding will solve the world's problems is idiotic.  The Israelis and Palestinians understand each other, and they are at war.  The Irish and English understand each other as well.  The Israelis and the Costa Ricans don't even know each other, and they are not at war.  Period!  Gaining understanding isn't going to make a difference.' 

On the surface, I agreed that this sounded logical, so I challenged my own beliefs.  Is this true, I wondered?  Then it came to me.  The Israelis and Palestinians do understand each other, but they only understand, or focus on, their differences; and they do so in a divisive way.  Because of this, their thoughts divide them.  The Israelis and Costa Ricans are neutral; therefore their thoughts do not divide them.   This, in itself, is a valuable lesson.  It reveals part of the essence of this teaching.

In a neutral mind, peace and goodwill are a natural state.  It's only when we interject divisive thoughts that divisions and conflicts arise.  Differences, however, are not what cause conflict.  It's our attitude, or thoughts, toward these differences that causes conflict.   

In this book, I've pointed out that it's our allegiance to the reactive, or competitive, mind that fuels all the pain and suffering in our lives.  That's because this mind thinks divisively; that is its nature.  This book outlines a path to disengage from this divisive thinking and bring us to a place of neutrality.  That automatically brings the creative mind online.  Thinking and expressing creatively and holistically is our natural state.  Only the divisions present in the reactive mind keep this from being readily apparent.  In the case of the Israelis and Palestinians, if they shifted their attention away from needing to be ‘right' and making each other ‘wrong', a move towards neutrality, they would, in time, begin to notice their commonalities and could begin to build upon those.      

Looking at the world through the lens of cause and effect clears up other misperceptions as well.   For example, many people believe that they would be happier if they had more money.  Unfortunately, to believe this is to believe that one lacks both money and happiness.  Therefore, no amount of money will result in what they want because lack is the driving force. 

The reality is that money and happiness are both effects.  They are temporary pleasurable manifestations of experience.  Money results from the exchange, or sharing, of value …real or perceived.  Happiness arises out of the realization and sharing of love, and its many attributes.  Thus, if prosperity and happiness are your goals, then your job is to realize your intrinsic value and share that with the world.  This causes the effect of prosperity and happiness in your life.

If lasting peace is what you want, then employ peaceful means.  If you desire to be understood, for example, then be understanding.   If a life filled with value is your desire, then you must learn to think, choose and organize your life around your values.  You must learn to be the cause of the effect you wish to see.  With that in mind, let's investigate what you value most. 

First, you'll complete an exercise called The Question Game.  This answers the question, what do I want?  Then, you'll investigate your values and create a Priority of Values List.  Lastly, you'll turn to your imagination with the intent to have your values inspire you.

The Question Game

Many years ago, I was uncertain about my future and a wise man by the name of James Barnett asked me, "What do you want?  What do you want?  What do you want?  And, What do you want?"

James went on to say that the first question refers to content, as in, whom and/or what do I choose to be and become?  What do I want my life to look like and what do I want in it. 

The second question takes a deeper look.  It asks, what am I willing to actually take action towards?  What am I willing to begin?  What am I willing to do? 

The third question refers to personal truthfulness, as in, when I eliminate the words should and shouldn't from my vocabulary, what's left that's personally important to me? 

The last question asks us to measure how deep our desire really is, as in, am I really passionate about creating this in my life?  How much do I want this? 

Your answers to these questions will reveal what kind of conditions you want to create in your life.  They will reveal what you want, who you want to be and what you want to do.  In addition, they'll begin to reveal what you believe is most important, because each of your desires reflects an underlying value.  For example, a desire that reads, I want to lose twenty pounds, could represent the values of health, accomplishment, discipline or something else.      

To complete this exercise, label four pages with the following headlines:

1. What do I want?
2. What do I want?
3. What do I want?
4. What do I want?

Once that's complete, begin asking yourself the questions starting with page one.  What do I want?  Each time you ask the question make sure to emphasize the underlined word.  This subtly changes the context of the question.  Record as many answers as possible on each page. 

It may be helpful to enlist the help of a partner.  Your partner can ask the question and record your answers.  Just have them repeat the question over and over again until your supply of answers is exhausted.  Then move on to the next question.  Each time they ask the question make sure they emphasize the underlined word in the sentence. 

When you're finished, go back over each page and prioritize the answers.  Number them 1, 2, 3, in order of importance.  Do the same on each of the four pages.  When that's completed, take the number one and two items from each page and put them in order of priority.  What you're left with is a prioritized list of eight things that you currently believe have the most value to you.     

For example, you might want to purchase a home, elevate your education, improve your physical or financial condition, travel or embark on an adventure, improve your relationship or relationship status, make a career change, advance your career or enter a new line of work entirely.  The sky is the limit. 

After you've identified your ‘top eight' list, notice what value or values these things represent to you.  For example, a house might represent: home, love, caring, warmth, family, etc.  As you identify the values, list them on a separate sheet of paper.

I ask you to list these values on a separate sheet of paper because you'll add to this list during the next few exercises.  Then, you'll look at the completed list and put those values in order of priority.  This will become your Priority of Values List.  Over time, this list is likely to change as you refine your values; but this is a good start.

Lastly, once you've completed all the exercises in this chapter, my suggestion would be to pick one of these ideas and begin moving towards it.  The benefit of moving towards tangible goals, besides learning to become self-sufficient and self-reliant, is that they provide useful experience in terms of insight, understanding and confidence in your own abilities, talents and gifts.  In addition, they become a springboard for shifting from the survival/competitive realm, in service to self, to the creative/mission-driven realm, in service to a larger whole.    

The List Exercise

Now, let's add to your list of values.  Please scan the following words.  As you read the words, hold them in mind and notice if they resonate strongly with you.  If they do, add them to your list.  Also, feel free to add any other ideas that come to mind.  Be inventive and creative.

Friendship Beauty Courage Cooperation Adventure Accomplishment Insight Nurturing Kindness Fulfillment Responsibility Inner-Harmony Family Children Security Health Fitness Integrity Nurturing Compassion Home

Success Relationships Comfort Commitment Loyalty Contribution Knowledge Truth Travel Exploration Discipline Growth Creativity Service Intimacy Achievement Spirituality Generosity Art Capability

Service Self-Respect Leadership Independence Self-Reliant Understanding Wisdom Peace Pleasure Fun Imagination Forgiveness Money Freedom Enjoyment Music Education Entertainment Authenticity Strength

Friendship Beauty Courage Cooperation Adventure  Accomplishment Insight Nurturing  Kindness Fulfillment    Responsibility  Inner-Harmony Family Security Health Fitness Integrity Nurturing Compassion Home

 

Service Self-respect Leadership Independence Self-reliant Understanding Wisdom Peace Pleasure Fun Imagination Forgiveness Money Freedom Enjoyment Music Education Entertainment Authenticity Strength

The Checkbook or Credit Card Exercise

This exercise is quite simple and fun.  Grab your checkbook register, your most recent credit card statements and a pen and paper.  Then begin reviewing your expenditures for the last couple months.  Next to each item, list the value that purchase represented.  For example, a car payment might represent freedom, economy, beauty, fun or any number of other values.  An investment in education might reflect growth, success, ambition, communication, etc. While paying the utilities might reflect family, responsibility or home.  What you spend money on reflects what you value.  This exercise is often quite illuminating.

The Admiration Exercise

On a blank sheet of paper list the names of five people that you admire.  These people can be living or dead, it doesn't make any difference.  Fictional or mythical characters are acceptable as well.    

After you come up with five names, look at the first person on your list and ask yourself …what do I admire about this person? …What qualities and traits do I admire in them?  Don't think your answers; intuit them.  Ask the questions, notice what thoughts arise in your mind and record your answers next to each name.  Do the same thing for all five names on your list.  By the way, it's likely that you'll notice that some of the people you admire share the same qualities and traits.  Make a note of this by placing a checkmark next to those traits.      

Once you've listed the traits and qualities next to each name, you're going pick out the qualities and traits that showed up more than once and add them to your growing list of values.  Then, you'll prioritize this combined list and identify your top ten values.  This will give you a clear idea of what you currently believe has the most value to you.  This is your Priority of Values List.  It's the list against which you'll measure all future thinking, choices, communication, planning/goals and action. 

Lastly, highlight your top three values.  These three values are your core values. They form the basis of what is currently most important to you.  Post these three values where you will see them often.  You might even want to make a wallet size copy, laminate it and carry it with you.  These make excellent reminders.  They'll encourage you to stay focused on your values.  

Image-In  (Imagination)

This exercise is intended to strengthen your imaginative and intuitive capabilities.  Imagination is an unlimited resource.  Nothing is impossible in this realm.  The only limits are the ones you impose on yourself. 

For the purpose of this exercise, I want you to enter the world of imagination with the intent of connecting with your values.  Once you've connected, your going to ask your values to inspire you.  This is accomplished as follows.

Find a place where you won't be disturbed, breathe deep, calm your mind and emotions, and from this place of quite awareness ask to be inspired by one of your values.  Then notice what arises in your imagination.

Basically, what you're saying to your inner inspiration is …Fire me up!  Light my passion!  After you pose the question keep an open mind.  Notice any words, pictures or symbols that might arise.  These are all clues.  Don't attempt to draw ideas to you.  Allow them to come to you. Be open and patient; inspiration comes in its own way and in its own time.  Trust that inspiration will turn up.  It always does. 

If you don't get immediate results, don't fret.  Keep an open attitude.  Typically, when you least expect it, is when inspiration will arrive. 

When I enter imagination, I say a little prayer that goes something like this.  Dear value (insert the value of your choice.), please inspire me to action.  Inspire my highest service in support of you.  Show me how I can increase you in my life and share you for the highest good of all.  I trust that this understanding now manifests.

By the way, the words you use aren't really that important.  What matters is your intent.  When our desire is in service to the highest good of all, life responds.  It may not respond immediately, but it will in due course.  Trust your imagination.  It connects you to the vast realm of the unconscious, or subconscious, mind.  Through it, you can access universal intelligence and creative genius.  All it takes is patience, persistence and practice.  In time, you'll learn to use this amazing tool and be able to rely upon the information that it provides.

Lastly, as you move forward, let your values guide your thoughts, choices, communication, planning and actions.  When you find yourself in tough times, inquire inwardly …how would this value or that value respond to this situation?  In time, by thinking and acting this way, you will become the embodiment of your values and the world will reflect that back to you.

Review

The Five Steps 

•1.      Pause

•2.      Surrender

•3.      Accept

•4.      Forgive

•5.      Think Values

The 5-Steps discussed in terms of value.

1. Will:  Will is best characterized as willingness, but in the beginning, determination and persistence are required to overcome the habitual tendency of an untamed mind to react to the present moment, instead of responding with your values in mind.  When you stop and pause, you're employing the values of patience, determination, persistence and willingness.    

2. Admission: In the second step, surrender, we admit that we don't have all the answers.  This is a bit poetic isn't it?  Admitting that we don't have all the answers is telling the truth.  This admission humbles our arrogant thoughts and opens the doorway to understanding, insight, healing and creativity.   

3. Acceptance:  The next step is to make peace with the way you feel, whether you like the way that feels, or not.  In other words, the cost of continuing on your journey to wholeness is to accept, or make peace with, what you find in the present moment.  This demonstrates willingness, courage, compassion, open-ness and wisdom.

4. Release:  Forgiveness releases us from the burden of the past and our attachment to the reactive mind.  Each act of forgiveness weakens their grip, and opens us up to the wondrous world of the creative mind …to be inspired, enlivened and enlightened.  Forgiveness is the gateway to a new life.  The values employed are willingness, courage, compassion, love, open-ness, insight, truth and service. 

5. Embrace: In step five, we embrace our values and let them guide the way.  Value-based words that describe this step are inspiration, clarity, purpose, connection, willingness, faith, trust and insight. 

As you can see, the first value is willingness.  This is the act that initiates the process.  Then, step-by-step, you release the past, embrace the present and invite the future of your choosing.  You don't have to know how or why this works.  Initially, just be willing to trust that it does, then put it to the test.  Let your life be your laboratory.  Remember, the means is the end.

Final Note:  As you move forward, keep in mind that you have 100% control over the context of your life, but not always the content.  Content includes things like money, people, conditions, thoughts, circumstances and situations.  Context is attitude.  Context, or attitude, defines the content of your life.

Many people have bought into the idea that content drives happiness, so they spend countless hours attempting to control and manipulate the content of their lives.  This is wasteful.  We don't always have control over content.  On the other hand, the few that focus on context have discovered an enormous gift. 

That gift is the knowing that people, places and things cannot disturb our peace.  It's the thoughts we have about people, places and things that disturb our peace.  While it's true that we don't have 100% control over the thoughts that arise in our mind, we do have 100% control over which thoughts we'll give our attention to.  This understanding gives us 100% control over our happiness, because peace and happiness are intertwined. 

A mind at war can experience neither peace nor happiness, except in a conditional way.  When we learn to focus our attention on values (happy thoughts) and use them to give context to our lives (attitude), peace and happiness become unconditional and content becomes secondary.  The paradox is, content often follows context.  In other words, when our focus shifts from content to context, the content of our lives tends to align itself with what we would like to have in the first place. 

Excerpted from Taming The Tiger of Emotion: A Radical Change of MInd by Bob Bloom.  All rights reserved.

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